dot XXX

No doubt you all knew that as of December 6, 2011, anyone could buy a “.xxx” domain name.

(Check out therealalfredosauce.xxx, and alfredosfettucininoodle.xxx)

This week UC Berkeley announced that it paid $1300 to snap up seven potentially pornographic Internet domain names, including “berkeley.xxx” and “gobears.xxx” to keep them out of the hands of people who would pornographically exploit college students.

I know, it’s crazy, what kind of sicko would ever think of taking advantage of young people, ages 18-21, away from home for the first time, living in co-ed dorms, sexually curious and open to experimentation, drunk most of the time, for commercial gain?

Well, while decent folk like you and I can’t imagine it, university officials bought the domain names in an effort to head off those sorts of pervs who might zero in on this nubile demographic.

“Think of it as an insurance policy,” said Shelton Waggener, UC Berkeley’s chief information officer.  “Nobody knows the cost of not doing this,” added Mr. Weggener, wiping beads of sweat from his upper lip as he slammed his laptop shut.  “It’s just more of a preventative measure.”

As part of my own due diligence to protect unwitting eyes from being offended, I entered www.gobears.xxx into my search engine, and the machine claimed to find nothing – no cheesecake, no beefcake, no soft core, no hardcore, no thongs, no cheerleaders, no pillow fights – nothing, zip, nada.

So, y’know, good news!   Yay!

Continuing my due diligence, might I suggest the following domain names be bought before…well, before the unthinkable and unwholesome happen:

Spongebath.xxx

Spongebobspongebath.xxx

Squidwardgloryhole.xxx

jumpingfigureskaters.xxx

Cubscouts.xxx

Altarboys.xxx

Boysclub.xxx

clamdigger.xxx

Stuffedanimals.xxx

Pillowpet.xxx

Milkmoustache.xxx

Cockpit.xxx

Shoehorn.xxx

Exitonly.xxx

Headnurse.xxx

Bangkok.xxx

Portugesebreakfast.xxx

Canadianfakeout.xxx

Layoftheland.xxx

Porkbun.xxx

Membersonly.xxx

Toolbox.xxx

Jigglypuff.xxx

barenecessities.xxx

manhole.xxx

Crankshaft.xxx

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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