For the past 14 years, I have been an actor in Hollywood.  As with the career of any actor (famous, infamous, or unknown), it has been a roller coaster of ups, downs, victories, and losses.  There is a reason why most parents would not encourage their child to become an actor.  It is, at best, a completely unpredictable affair and most certainly not a meritocracy.  When people ask me what it’s like to work as an actor in Hollywood, my best answer goes something like this – imagine the superficial, social politics of junior high…and with that, you have the key, critical success factors necessary to excel in Hollywood.  Basically, it’s the exact opposite moral values that mom and dad tried to teach you as a kid.  When asked what it’s like to be an Asian American actor in Hollywood, my best answer is – imagine being a white guy, going to China to be an actor, and expecting to have a career like Chow Yun Fat.  Good luck round eye.

tn2_william_h_ macy_4 HowdyDoody_40Episodes

Rog williampic_c

I once saw an interview with William H. Macy.  One question he answered made me sit up and take note.  He was asked what the greatest challenge/frustration for him was as an actor.  His answer – “deep down inside, I feel like Tom Cruise…I know I can kick ass, get the girl, etc.  However, because I look like Howdy Doody, I will never get do Tom Cruise roles.  I only get to do roles that Hollywood thinks I look right for…Howdy Doody ones.” (or something to that effect).  which leads me to my thoughts about the Asian American guy in Hollywood and what Hollywood expects of him…

Over the course of more than a decade, my professional values have been influenced by specific projects and the unique experiences that resulted from them.  What roles I’m willing to do, what project I would be willing to work on, and the film legacy I wish to leave behind (no matter how sparse) and how do I wish to be remembered professionally has been shaped by one particular, independent film that I was lucky enough to be a part of: Better Luck Tomorrow.  Prior to BLT, my experience in Hollywood was pretty typical for a working, Asian American actor.  I worked quite a bit and lucked into a good number of decent roles in movies, TV shows, and commercials.  I wasn’t a star nor was I famous, but I was making a solid living and was always busy.  But upon reflection, 90+% of the roles that I was fortunate enough to get could not have existed without a very specific asian reason within the story line.  More simply put, there had to be an Asian reason to justify my presence and existence on screen (ie. Jet Li has a cousin, the Chinatown episode, white guy encounters gang members in alley, the William Hung biopic, etc.).  My presence facilitates the story line and the main actors journey through it.  But my presence is not crucial to the heart of the story…basically you’re the asian set dressing that the main characters have to navigate through in order to make their adventure seem more interesting.  This is not anything new.  Just about every single Asian American that you see on screen on American movies or tv shows today is there for a very specific asian reason (yes, i do know there are exceptions…but they are very, very few).  They don’t exist as most Asian Americans exist in America today: as real, three dimensional, everyday people.  I don’t wake up every morning, look in the mirror and say, “wow, it’s great to be asian today”.  Yet when it comes to American media and those who create it, the asians on screen have to be justified through some sort of asian reason.

Unlike a number of my Asian American acting peers, my professional successes (stuff that I’ll be proud to reflect upon prior to my death) had virtually nothing to do with mainstream Hollywood directors, producers, studio heads, and casting directors believing in me, fighting for me, and creating opportunities for me in their mainstream Hollywood projects.  There is a specific way that the Hollywood system works to nurture, cultivate, and advance the careers of it’s leading man assets – I was never a part of that development pool.  Whatever career success I have (again, stuff that I’ll be proud to reflect upon prior to my death) has been a direct result of teaming up with a group of highly-talented Hollywood outsiders and creating projects that find a backdoor entrance into the Hollywood mainstream.  The projects that have given my career the most meaning, the most pride, and the most significant public impact are projects that Hollywood would never have made (at least not with Asian Americans in the main roles).  If I relied on Hollywood to give me career pride and satisfaction, I’d be waiting for a bus that would never show.  Remember, just like William H. Macy, I am Howdy Doody (with an Asian twist)… so no Tom Cruise for me.

Go with the flow.  If you want to work a lot in Hollywood projects as an Asian American actor, just go with the flow.  The majority of opportunities in Hollywood for the Asian American male revolve around a handful of archetypes that have been around for years.  If you look like those archetypes or you get good at playing into them, you’ll have a long and prosperous career.  But at what cost?  Now I don’t profess to know what’s right or wrong.  In fact, I’m in full support of people doing whatever they want to do…but you better do it well.  If you’re going to play Long Duk Dong on screen, you best whip out your best Dong and rock it 150%.  No reason not to hit a home run, right?  At the end of the day, I think it’s all about personal choice.  If you can justify your choices and live with what results, then it’s the right choice for you.  So what’s my choice?  My choice is to try and be a part of projects where my role in them does not have to be justified with an Asian reason.  But this has not been easy.  By making such a choice, I have seen my pool of potential work reduced by 80-90%.  My phone rings a heck of a lot less and I find myself not working as much as I would like.  But for me, the choice is clear and I can live with the results.  I don’t know if my choice is right or wrong.  It just feels right.  It just feels right to me.

Which leads me to Red Dawn.  It’s being remade by MGM and it’s going to begin shooting in a matter of days.  The original Red Dawn came out in 1984 and starred Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen.  Basic premise – “The Russian and Cubans invade America.  Midwestern high school kids band together to form a resistance, The Wolverines.  High school kids learn to become soldiers and KILL THE SHIT OUT OF THEM RUSSIAN AND CUBAN INVADING MOTHER FUCKERS!”  Personally, I loved the original film from 1984 (probably b/c I’m not Russian nor Cuban).  As for the remake…well here goes.  Basic premise – “The Chinese invade America.  Midwestern high school kids band together to form a resistance, The Wolverines.  High school kids learn to become soldiers and KILL THE SHIT OUT OF THEM CHINESE INVADING MOTHER FUCKERS!”  To be fair, the Russians are involved as well, but in a minor way (man, those Russians never get off the hook).

So this past Friday my phone rings and it’s my agent.  My agent tells me that the Red Dawn production wishes for me to be present for the studio, all-cast table read.  Big budget, Hollywood movies usually have a studio, all-cast table read a few days prior to the beginning of principle photography…it’s a very big deal.  It’s usually the first time all the stars get to meet and be in the same room as the heads of the studios (it’s also the last time until the world premier).  Needless to say I was very, very excited.  I thought I was being offered a role in the movie.  Now, just FYI…I’m not a big fan of the Red Dawn remake and after reading the script I am even less of a fan.  That being said, it’s pretty damn cool to be offered a role for a movie even though you don’t think much of the project.  You can always turn it down, right?  Well, to my surprise, it was an offer –  an offer to sit in and read for the main Asian bad guy (already cast but he’s in Africa on another project and can’t make the studio, all-cast table read) and to read every other Chinese role in the script (all my dialogue would be in Chinese).  Totally, totally retarded.

My agents were very excited.  They wanted me to do it.  They thought it would be a great opportunity for someone like me because I’ll be able to meet and perform in front of the likes of Tom Cruise, Paula Wagner, and other powerful white people.  I, on the other hand, was not excited at all.  My agents did not understand why I did not want to do it.  Now for me, in regards to my acting career, I try to make the best decision I can with the information that I have at that particular moment for any project.  If the pros outweigh the cons, I do it.  If the cons outweigh the pros, I pass.  In this particular situation, the cons far outweighed the pros.  It was very clear to me I would pass.  My agents, however, could not understand why I would pass.  In fact, they pressed me really hard for an entire day, trying to find a way to elicit a yes.  My answer from the beginning was very clear and very simple.  It was…

Of course I wish to meet the likes of Tom Cruise and Paula Wagner.  But I want them to see me at my best, performing material that will inspire, not fulfill a stereotypical expectation.  Basically they’re asking me to come in as a replacement reader, perform the one note Chinese bad guy with my Mandarin abilities, and have the entire cast of white people (ok, there’s supposedly one, hot asian american cheerleader that’s part of the Wolverine pack) yell and scream “death to the Chinese!” directly at me for 2 hours.

This situation is not unique, btw.  I have encountered this before over the years on projects very similar with people of similar Hollywood status.  I was younger back then so I felt like I had to say yes just to pay my dues.  But the feeling was always the same when I went: shame.  They invite you in for an asian need, you fulfill that asian expectation, and at the end, they shake your hand, tell you how amazing you were, say, “I owe you one”, and then kick you out of the clubhouse.  At the end of the day, because of the role you’re brought in for, the perception of your potential is severely limited.  Much more limited than being called in to read 2 lines as a coffee barista or airplane pilot…at least with those roles you’re just being human, you’re not being pre-pigeonholed as the “asian reason”.  In this particular situation, the cards are too stacked against you.  And trust me, if they asked for me to come into this studio, all-cast table read for just 2 lines as the coffee barista, I’d probably have said yes.  Give me 2 lines as that coffee barista and I’ll come in and rock it with pride in front of Tom Cruise.  I’ve said yes to less.

My agents did not get this.  I said “no” to them at 10 am, 12pm, 2pm, 4pm, & 5pm (that’s how many times we discussed it).  Each time my answer was exactly the same as it was the first time they asked me at 10 in the morning.  I was very clear.  I never wavered.  Yet at the end of business day Friday, my agents were extraordinarily angry with me.  They believe I blew this thing totally out of proportion and that I squandered a big opportunity.  And btw, my agents did not hook up this thing, the casting office for Red Dawn called independently and unsolicited, looking for my skilled, chinese-reading services.  This totally bummed me out for the entire weekend because I genuinely like my agents.  They are some of the most forward thinking, progressive-minded white people I have worked with in my career.  I’m really not sure what happened.  Perhaps they promised the Red Dawn office that I would take part prior to even asking me.  I don’t know.  Nonetheless there is a serious rift between me and my agents now.  I wouldn’t be surprised if we parted ways professionally later this week.  Which sucks, cause at the very least, if we were to part ways, at least have it be over something worthy of a divorce…like a real project, a real role, a real offer.  Not for “replacement reader for table read who can speak chinese” who can sing and dance for Tom Cruise & Co.  Totally, totally retarded…

I think I’m going to take a vacation.  Or become a dentist…

DSC_0241