Mine is not a big hit with people. My friend Calvin made it up, and I’ve always liked it. It’s my go-to b/c I can’t REMEMBER any others. Also, I’m such a horrible joke-teller that quick & short is the only kind I can make it out alive with. The only other joke I know is a sexist one about women.
Here tis:
What is red and invisible?
No tomato!
Hm. looks less funny in print. better when Calvin says it .. ..
Q. What happens when a smurf sees smurfette?
A. He pops a smurf
Q. Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
A. Because they have such big fingers
yeah boy…
I’m not really a joke person, but as a kid all of us thought TRULY TASTELESS JOKES was the funniest thing on the planet. It’s a collection of the most offensive jokes ever. We particularly liked the Helen Keller ones. Here’s a sampling:
Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?
‘Cause she was a woman.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her?
Re-arranged the furniture in her room.
How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
On a blind date.
We also loved to come up with the best “yo momma” insults too:
Yo momma so fat when I yell Kool-Aid she come bustin’ through the wall.
Yo momma so fat she got nine other fat women orbiting around her ass.
Well, you get the point…
Q: How did Helen Keller burn her ear?
A: She answered the iron
In America, you watch television.
In Russia, television watches you.
Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It’s rated ARRRRGH!
what did the snail say when he rode on the turtle’s back?
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him out for a drag.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of anty-bodies.
What did the dog say to the tree? bark.
Why was Tigger looking into the toilet. To look for Pooh.
You’re so ugly, when you sit in the sand cats try to bury you.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Anna
Anna who?
Anna one Anna two…
What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay?
A BAY-gull!
I unfortunately only use gross jokes. Not always a hit.
What’s grosser than gross?
When you’re doing a pregnant lady and the fetus is giving you head.
A man walked into a bar. “Ouch!”
Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet racist?
Because they’re not Z’s! (say it out loud)
There was an American cat named One Two Three and a French cat named Un Deux Trois. They had a swimming race to see who was the best. Who won?
One Two Three.
You know why?
Because Un Deux Trois quatre cinq.
(say out loud)
islandexpat – I’m going to use your joke.
These are awesome. I stole a couple; I will try to repeat them aloud to people someday after a few beers.