HAPPY HALLOWEEN, FOLKS! It’s that time of the year when people find a way to make every character in your childhood into something sexy, confirming whatever weird fetishes you may possesses regarding the Thundercats (although god damn, Lion-O – have you seen his thighs?).
And that’s as good a segue as any other into what many academic journals have already called “THE BEST USE OF LOOPING EVER, BRB:”
I wanted to use the .gif, but it wouldn’t work. It was probably too big – that’s what she said – so just turn off the volume and wonder just where that Elmo shirt is now.
If any of you are wondering, my Halloween costume will be/is Arthur from Inception (minus the PASIV suitcase just because it is so expensive) with a side of Guy Fawkes just because I doubt anyone will be able to tell I am Arthur until I start performing the introduction of the film by myself.
Right about now I am probably seeing just how gaga the women will be over a man who can dream a little bigger. While they are undoubtedly crawling all over me, check out the interview I did with Chris Lee, executive producer of such films as Superman Returns and Valkyrie, over at the Interpretations site before reading on.
This week, YOMYOMF delved into getting your ass kicked by your younger self; the adventures of the murderous Great Pumpkin; and the diaries of Vlad Tepes. If you haven’t wet your pants in excitement yet, you may want to check your bladder. And if you have, what the hell is wrong with you? GET THE HELL OUT.
“6 hours after the original post, #5 friended me on FaceBook. as if a total destruction of my man ego and masculine mojo over the weekend wasn’t enough. i accepted his request as any freshly-castrated, noble samurai would. i will have my revenge…”
Roger, I have only this Pro-Tip to offer you: dig the grave before you do the deed. It just avoids a lot of awkwardness. Also, excuse for the grave: “What can I say? I like digging.”
Congratulations to all the finalists and many thanks to those who entered! You don’t know who I am, but my sentiment is a positive one!
“Ellen Wong (Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World) a.k.a. the future ex-wife of Offender Jerome:”
Also, Phil – I can live with ‘ex-wife.’
Actually, even that would be fantastic.
“One of the coaches, a man in his mid-fifties, perhaps, with bugged eyes and dark, greasy hair – he looked like an eccentric inventor – said he’d be working with Devon.”
Good to hear Igor’s still getting work.
Yet again, Adult Swim manages to put a horrifying spin on my happy childhood memories without raping them outright. And were Peppermint Patty and Marcie so obviously gay? I thought they were just really close and quippy.
“OK, so you weren’t selected to win the Remy and the cash prize. As cliché as this may sound, everyone can be a winner. You now have a short film under your belt which you can list under your credits.”
And don’t forget: just because you didn’t win booze doesn’t mean you can’t buy your own to numb yourself to the trials of life!
I was asking my friend what she thought about the story and she said, “Needs more action.”
Actually, maybe she was just talking about my love life. Fuck, where are my notes?
Of course Last Samurai, but what about Inception? Ken Watanabe definitely elevated the stereotypical role of the airline-buying Asian man.
(And just in case, I meant no offense to Inception. That bit up there was a joke. There is nothing stereotypical in it, and it is the greatest movie ever. Sorry, master.)
“You don’t have to worry about them dressing up like Hello Kitty and urinating on your face during sex like with Japanese guys. And as for Filipino and South Asian guys…well, come on, we know they’re not “real” Asians so let’s not even worry about them.”
Hey, whoa, whoa, WHOA. I take offense to that Phil. We Filipinos urinate on faces during sex just like the best Japanese guys, so don’t go making us look bad.
“Last month, the fifteenth century diary of Prince Vlad Tepes of Wallachia was discovered during excavations for “Wet Troughs of Speed!” Transylvania’s newest water theme park.”
I know that the actual entries are a joke, but does it make me dumb that I wondered if there was an actual “Wet Troughs of Speed!” water park being built in Transylvania? And does it make me dumber that I had to Google the name before coming to a conclusion?
Honestly, I think it just makes me inquisitive.
Well, that brings this week’s column to its conclusion! Hope you all had fun this Halloween without getting yourself or anyone else pregnant, unless you wanted to, which is cool but not really my thing right now.
Now, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna go back to waiting patiently for the premier of Conan this week.
TEAM COCO FTW.