It’s just about that time of the year again. Festive shades of red and green are starting to pepper the streets and amazing arrays of lights are coming to life in neighborhoods across the country. Blow-up reindeer and snowmen tower over more and more lawns on the way home.
As a southern California resident however, the signs of the holidays are pretty much restricted to those made by man. When it comes to matters of nature’s grandeur, we’re pretty much stuck with (what is to natives) blistering cold minus the awesome wonder of snow. Every time I go outside now – which isn’t often – I think about just how much more understanding I’d be of the weather if it were at least accompanied with the once-a-year abilities to make snow angels and add a scarf to my outfit without worrying about my fading masculinity.
Hope y’all had a happy thanksgiving – that is if you celebrate that kind of thing – and are ready to play catch up with YOMYOMF. This last full week of November, we explore the universal appeal of breasts pressing against our freedom of speech; the correlation between threatening times and amounts of sweet, sweet intercourse; and the exemplary human behavior on display on Black Friday.
SIX FILMS WHERE THE ASIAN SIDEKICK IS MORE INTERESTING THAN THE PROTAGONIST:
“Asner’s grumpy old Carl may be the star of the film, but without Wilderness Explorer Scout Russell’s wide-eyed enthusiasm and innocent curiosity, Carl would simply remain a grumpy old man. Instead Russell transforms Carl into a grumpy old man who rediscovers both his heart and his adventurous spirit while transforming himself into one of cinema’s greatest sidekicks in the process.”
Anyone that young who doesn’t piss their pants whilst finding themselves in a flying house – in the middle of a thunderstorm, no less – is pretty much just a badass.
“So I’m jumping on the bandwagon too with our first holiday blog of the season. And what better way to kick things off then a photographic look at how our wacky Asian brethren celebrate this special time of year?”
Well. You can’t say you don’t know what you’re getting. I mean, seriously. I’ve been trying to pitch my rebranding of the toilet for years now but to no avail. Someone tell me why the hell people wouldn’t buy a “shit and pee holder.”
“As Kayla’s mother, Amy Martinez, succinctly put it, “I don’t believe that vulgarity, obscenity, profanity or nudity in the school code apply to the word ‘boobies’ or ‘breast.” Now tits, jugs, cans, knockers, sweater puppies, blouse bunnies, hooters, chesticles or bazongas –that would be another story, but ‘boobies,’ really?”
I’m always happy to see the word “bazonga,” whether in its singular or plural form, being used. It’s just one of those beautiful pieces of language that doesn’t get out there nearly enough. I sincerely thank Alfredo for showing it some love.
Bazongas, lol.
IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT AND KOREANS FEEL FINE:
“Of course, the other explanation for this reaction could be that the Koreans were just as worried as everyone else, but simply expressed their feelings in other ways. For example, condom sales rose dramatically in South Korea during this period and psychologists theorized that Koreans were subconsciously finding comfort in sex as a way to deal with the uncertainty and stress.”
Good to know that my chances of getting lucky will probably increase on the eve of dangerous times.
It is sad that that is only a probability.
But hey – beggars can’t be choosers.
She’s gotta have huge bazongas though.
“I am grateful that I own two lovely cats and they would take offense to hear that they are considered a bad influence on anyone. Well, OK, maybe my calico is a bit slovenly and my siamese spends way too much time watching YouTube.”
Record that siamese watching YouTube and I do believe you’ll have quite the meta viral video on your hands.
Or, at the very least, a .gif that will get mass-forwarded.
JEROME & INCEPTION: FAN FICTION – THE HUMAN VAULT, PART SEVEN.:
The movie comes out on Blu-Ray next month. Just thought you would all like to know. I also won’t have the money to make it a Day One purchase.
Oh, the irony.
“Frankly, I hate shopping, but even if I didn’t, there are very few things I’d be willing to camp out all night for that doesn’t involve a naked Megan Fox, whipped cream and a dwarf with a video camera.”
Whenever Phil talks about his erotic fantasies, they always weird me out. I’m just forward-thinking as the next college graduate but whipped cream? COME ON.
WHAT A SEASON, OR, NO JOHN MADDEN BULLSHIT:
“As a precaution, my wife woke him up at 3 am the night of his mild concussion, just to make sure he hadn’t died. He hadn’t. The next morning, though, when we asked him to walk the dog, he deferred, claiming his concussion left him a bit woozy and light headed.”
ALFREDO! Don’t make light of the effect dogs have on concussion sufferers. The science of my guesses say that it’s actually possible for a canine to seriously aggravate the symptoms of the already vulnerable patient.
It’s only an excuse if they don’t buy it.
“IN HIS CELLAR, I AM CHAINED TO A RADIATOR” – WTF?!:
I don’t know about this one. It’s not that unique - we Americans have come up with a great of our own:
That about brings this week to a close. Now please join me in an online moment of silence in remembrance of the impending end of November. Hey, what the fuck – you’re reading way too fast. That wasn’t even a moment. You just kept on reading, like a jackass. Great, that’s just great. Maybe you’ll wanna show some respect next time. I’ll be the first to admit that November ain’t no December but if it weren’t for November, could we even have a December?
Yeah.
Think about that.
Happy December, asshole.
If there wasn’t a November, December would get here that much faster. Right after Halloween.