What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week is a capsule of the week’s blogs with sarcastic commentary from Yours Truly (that’s me!). If you’ve been busy and missed out on a couple of our daily gems, this is a perfect way to catch up.
But seriously – what was more important than reading YOMYOMF?
So this glorious March week brings y’all astounding new insights from the YOMYOMF family, including examinations of interchangeable Asians; 80s masturbation trends; and modern high school cliques.
How’s that for a Sociology lesson?
Oh, that was a lame way to cap the intro, wasn’t it? Geez…
Yes, I’m typing to myself.
“So I guess the message here is–if you’re an inbred hick who can’t tell the difference between a Chinese commie or a North Korean commie and just want to see other inbred hicks kicking some form of Asian commie ass, well then by God, Red Dawn is the movie for you!”
I think the bigger, less funny joke is that judging by those criteria, this movie will find a substantial audience. HOORAY!
I HOPE YOU ALL KNOW THAT MY FAMILY READS THIS.:
In which I spell out the fact that my family reads all of the dick jokes I make for you.
Okay, also the vagina jokes – but those are genuinely hilarious.
“I’ve begun an adventurous trip into Asia and thought I’d try to blog about what I see when I get a chance. I’ve called these adventures my BACKPACKING JOURNEY or BJ for short.”
For your sake, Anson, I hope that your trip is nowhere near as disappointing as that title.
PAKISTANI ACTRESS SCHOOLS CONSERVATIVE MULLAH ABOUT ISLAM:
“Malik appeared on the Indian TV show Bigg Boss (that country’s version of Big Brother) with, among others, Pamela Anderson (don’t ask). The show was a monster hit, but it’s also brought a lot of criticism Malik’s way from some of her country people who think she brought shame on Pakistan and is a bad Muslim to boot for participating in the show.”
By that definition, how much shame has America accrued from all its reality shows? Don’t count – your mind will literally explode.
“I was dj-ing, and when I put on “Centerfold” by the J. Geils Band, a man in his mid-thirties, I’m guessing, ran up to the dj booth and excitedly yelled,
“Ohmigod, I used to jerk off to this video in high school!””
I am both proud and relieved that I have never, ever heard anyone else say that before.
Well, about music.
ITALO DISCO FLASHBACK: MODERN TALKING:
“They were synonymous with every cheesy, synth, pseudo gay ballad imaginable blaring from the car stereos of CRVs and coffee shops back in the day. They were the Hall & Oates, the Simon & Garfunkel of Italo Disco.”
It is a little known fact that these guys’ music was the second choice for the dance sequence in (500) Days of Summer.
It’s a little known fact because I just made it up.
ALEXANDRA WALLACE & ‘RED DAWN’ – TAIWANESE ANIMATED FLAVAH:
“It’s been awhile since I’ve featured the work of our friends at Taiwan’s Next Media Animation so figure it’s about time I rectified that. They’re even more prolific than ever—churning out their uniquely animated look at the news of the day at an astonishing rate.”
Her too? Once NMA focuses their spotlight on you, it’s only a matter of time before a reality show is in the works.
Wait, no – that’s not funny. That’s depressing. Actually, not just depressing – kinda makes me wanna drink till I black out.
Oh, fuck this world.
A FILM FESTIVAL ODYSSEY (PART 2):
“Because my feature Ethan Mao played at AFI Fest 2004, I was invited back as a juror at the 2005 edition. It was my first time being a juror—a little nervous—but it ended up being an amazing experience. I remember Christian Gaines sat us down and oriented us as jurors by telling us about that fabulous privileges we had. Each juror was given 2 badges. You could go to any movie or party anytime with anyone with free flowing liquor at the VIP lounge.”
What can I say about this that Liz Lemon already hasn’t?
MY MOST ANTICIPATED FILM OF THE SUMMER!:
“Not much details have been released, but a 10 second teaser has just been leaked on Youtube:”
Holy fuck – that rivals that 4-second teaser for Battle: LA from a while back:
No, I didn’t make that up.
I cannot emphasize that more.
COMMUNITY QUESTION: DOES FAKE FOOD MAKE YOU HUNGRY?:
In which I explain my own fixation on things I can’t actually eat.
No, I’m not talking about the monkey.
1,001 REASONS I LOVE MOVIES: (#22) ELIZABETH TAYLOR WHIPS MARLON BRANDO INTO SUBMISSION:
“In this scene, Brando and Taylor are at a cocktail party. It’s already been established that Taylor’s character’s great love is her horse and earlier in the movie, we witnessed Brando angrily beat that horse with a riding crop after the animal threw him and dragged him. Taylor finds out and she is pissed. So this is what she does:”
I guess we all know who wears the pants in that relationship!
Brando, but he’s the one who gets bossed around all the time.
YOSHI SODEOKA’S ’70S MIXED MEDIA MAGIC CARPET RIDE:
“According to the artist, “Each piece will be autonomous, but when viewed together will create a larger whole.” He will release each new video piece online, like this piece called “Sibyl,” which just popped online. Again with the acid trip visuals and experimental noise, it almost makes me want to put flowers in my hair, live in a yurt and take some LSD.”
This video reminds me of my childhood, when I had a really high fever.
To clarify, the visions were the only enjoyable parts of the experience.
THE RISE OF THE LEFTOVER CHINESE WOMAN:
“[...] as you’ll see in the news video below, more and more people are marrying at a later age or *gasp* not marrying at all. This can be partially attributed to longer life spans and the growing number of “independent” women who are more educated and have successful careers. Which is bad news for all those Chinese men already facing a shortage of Chinese women to marry.”
If it’s that bad now, I bet they’re starting to regret the whole anti-girl attitude in regards to their children.
Or not – I mean, whatever.
“Can we not all agree, if the sound went out on our televisions, we’d still be glued to Mad Men? There’s a reason for that (and it’s not just to promote smoking among young women).”
When did we start counting Christina Hendricks as one reason?
“This is a list of cliques from the school newspaper at Waiakea High School on the Big Island of Hawaii. It’s an interesting 21st Century, Island style take on “a brain, a beauty, a jock, a rebel and a recluse.””
All I can say about that is Ashley Szwerda is either the most popular or the least popular person in that school.
And drifter is a badass clique, but isn’t a drifter in a clique (sort of) oxymoronic?
Yup, I take the fun out of everything – and inject it with logic.
Misters and madams – that would be the close of this week’s column. I am honestly running out of witty ways of wording this winding down of proceedings, so if you have any actual suggestions for what you’d like to see, leave it in the comments!
Yup, I am subtly asking you to do my own writing for me. At least I’m being honest, yeah?
