Over the past couple of days, I’ve had to fend for myself and I’ve learned some stuff outside of YOMYOMF. For example: I can’t cook. Left to my own devices, my breakfasts will be Cinnamon Toast Crunch and milk; my lunches, microwaveable; and dinners, anything my dear aunts happen to be making. I just got back from the grocery store and the only things I bought were milk and Cocoa Puffs.
The cashier turned his head up from my purchases to me so slowly, in the way only slow motion could make more agonizing.
One day, I’ll grow up and eat Total.
As July comes to an end, YOMYOMF takes a gander at new ways Korean men can get some vagina; the latest in masturbation innovations; and worms.
In other words, I’ve got a wholesome post for you today.
I FEEL SORRY FOR STEVEN HAYASHI:
“He simply was a normal guy with a seemingly normal IQ (not insane, not on drugs, not plagued with inner voices)”
So if I want to be normal now, I can’t listen to the voices anymore?
Standards are so high these days.
“Gynos don’t go down there and ‘extract’ things or ‘drill holes’ or take a metal instrument and scrape tartar off your vaggie walls.”
Leave it to Beverly to help me find new ways to refer to vaginal details. Is it pronounced like “veggie,” by the way?
KOREAN MEN CAN NOW FALSELY PROMISE MARRIAGE TO GET SEX & OTHER WACKY ASIAN SEX LAWS:
“The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.”
Guess that’s one way of getting head.
BEING ALL-AMERICAN MEANS EATING ALL THAT YOU CAN EAT:
“For the Korean BBQ places, don’t let them distract you with the potful of souffléd egg or “Korean Miso soup.” Those are fillers to distract you from where it’s at, the marinated meats from four different animals.”
I’ve read a lot of stuff on YOMYOMF; learned even more; and this is probably the one thing I’m taking with me for the rest of my life.
God bless America.
Roger’s list -
“5) Virtually any Chinese restaurant in LA. Again, it can’t be of the upscale variety that cater to non-Asians. Chinese food is an interesting thing. The more ghetto the inside, the better tasting the food. So for good Chinese, dirtier is always better. I’m talking about food here, btw.”
I don’t know. I think dirtier is always better – and I’m not talking about food!
THE JAPANESE MAKE MASTURBATION EVEN MORE AWESOME:
Can anyone who’s employed tell me if our website is SFW?
Starting now.
Joking aside, after reading this article, is Exit Through the Gift Shop still worth seeing? Thanks, friends.
Is that okay? That I made no joke there?
HOW I’LL BE CELEBRATING NATIONAL HAMBURGER DAY:
For some people, everyday is Hamburger Day.
“The worms have almost become like another set of pets. I worry about them. Are they moist enough? Are they overheating? Did I over feed them? Will they get tired of apples and cabbage after 3 days?”
Funny. You ask these sort of questions when the worms are inside you, too.
This totally reminds me of this Robot Chicken sketch. ”No. You live with it.” They won’t let me embed it, but trust me: it’s fucking funny.
HUNGRY FOR HAIKU: NYC MOMENTS:
I was going to make a joke in Haiku form, but was too depressed to when I caught the Food Network specials about New York – after I had gotten back. I think I literally walked past Katz’s while I was lost.
FML.
JEROME & INCEPTION: A BIT OF BACKGROUND.:
Someone challenges my love for Inception – I won’t take it lying down.
Or bent over. Whatever.
12 MORE THINGS OVERHEARD DURING THE FILMING OF THE KOREATOWN REALITY SHOW:
“3. “My totem is a spinning soju bottle.” “OMG, mine too!” “OMG, me too!” “OMG, me too!” “OMG, what if we’re all dreaming right now?” “OMG!!!!” “OMG!!!””
I know it’s all a joke, but I can’t get over what an awful totem that would be.
Since soju bottles are mass-produced, knowledge of the weight, mass, etc. of the bottle would be known to many, making it easy to counterfeit in a dream.
noobs.
“What I remember most is leaving her bedroom by the back stair when her parents got home earlier than expected. And we had only just begun to make out! Ah, the injustice! Sometimes it’s better to have no pizza at all than even a tiny bite.”
From where I’m standing, starving within an inch of my life, I think even a drip of the pizza grease will do.
And just to be clear, we’re not talking about food, yeah?
ENJOY SOME BUKKAKE MILK THIS WEEKEND:
The funny thing about Japanese commercials and parodies of Japanese commercials is that they’re pretty much one and the same.
Folks, it’s closing time and I know who I want to take me home. That would be my cousin, who I’m taking to see Inception. True fact. Enjoy the rest of your weekend and I’ll see you on Thursday.
Time to get kicked back to my reality. COBB OUT.
Re: soju bottle totem
…and carrying it around in your pocket would totally mess up the silhouette of your outfits.