You know what is fantastic?  Korean BBQ.  I can’t write about it for the rest of the year, but it’s pretty awesome.  That’s where my family and I ate this week, in case you were wondering.  It’s, like, 14 bucks for lunch.  All we ordered was beef brisket and our hands stuffed all our faces full of dead animal in sesame sauce and that one brown sauce that I think is soy sauce but probably isn’t – it was wonderful!

You know what isn’t wonderful?  Running afterwards without showering first.  I mean, everyone who’s ever been to these joints knows how deeply that smell sinks into your skin.  What was just earlier such a welcome scent becomes totally objectionable.

Well, the way I saw it, if I was smelly already, I might as well run and sweat and get smellier before taking a right shower.  So I ran my fist-sized heart out and found out the hard way that running in that stove of a garage, I was pretty much like a smoked piece of meat getting baked.  Instead of smelling like just sweat, I started to smell even more like Korean BBQ.

Long story short: don’t run when you smell like Korean BBQ.

Well, I guess there’s a lot of things you shouldn’t do when you smell like Korean BBQ.

Maybe I should write about that.

Oh yeah, so don’t forget, dearest readers: you now have until the 15th of September to enter into our Interpretations short film contest.  So get off your tushes and get filming!  But first, sit your tush back down again and read my new interview with Dan Lin, producer and executive producer of such films as Sherlock Holmes and Terminator Salvation.

Done?  Okay, keep sitting and read the rest of this article.

This week in August, our ragtag team probes matters of dick sucking, chick flick sex, and herpes.  Bet you never want to see those three things together.  Again.

SAF SEEKING… LESS WALKS OF SHAME.:

“What had started off with a bang and a finger “Haha world!  I just got laid!” turns out to be just another roll in the hay to remind me how lonely in this city I truly am.”

I know I’m young and inexperienced and all that junk, but if it makes you feel any better, I haven’t rolled around in anything so I’m like bizarro you.  And so, like, if this world and bizarro world were, for our purposes, to constitute one world, you are not alone!

I wasn’t joking by the way – I’m just this awkward.

BEAT IT (CHINESE COMMUNIST PARTY VERSION):

I wanna get this out of the way: that video is awesome.

But I will say that whenever I watch something like this, I always wonder how nerdy the person was that made it.

In the same token, I realize that to many of you, this is my most probable appearance:

I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO SUCK YOUR DICK?!:

I don’t even need to add anything to this title.

You know when I started writing for YOMYOMF, I thought I had to clean up my writing.

Now I don’t consider an article done until I make a reference to coprophagia.

CHINESE VERSION OF THE OFFICE ON ITS WAY:

“In any case, if the Chinese version of THE OFFICE is similar to this SNL skit of the “Japanese version”, then I’m sold.”

I am laughing so hard, I have nothing else to add.  Others might call it laziness; I call it silent reverence to great comedy.

It’s laziness though.

WE NEED OUR ASIAN AMERICAN FILM CRITICS:

I just want to say I volunteer to pull some of that weight by writing a review for Inception.

I mean, if you need one.

REVOLUTION AT THE URINAL:

“Bottom line: gentlemen, unless you’re incontinent or don’t change your underwear, your wang is the cleanest part of your body.  Doesn’t it deserve only the cleanest fingers clutching it?”

They don’t even have to be clean, Alfredo!  As long as there’s a young woman willing – pretty flexible about that rule.

And this picture from the article had nothing to do with my quote.  I just thought it brought the lulz.

GOOGLE SUGGESTS THE WACKIEST THINGS:

I actually looked that one up when I saw it.  That shit bothered me since I was a kid.

ENCOUNTER WITH A SLEEPWALKER:

“They look pretty much like when they’re awake except maybe a little more…zombie-ish.”

I never thought I’d want to sleep with a zombie.  But there it is.

WEB OR WITHOUT YOU: THE SPIDER-MAN MUSICAL COMETH:

“I’m thinking that a large-scale superhero musical is just what we need to counteract this trend of nerd icons becoming cool. Seriously, it’s gone too far, and it’s got to stop.”

No, no!  I was just getting used to being cool (in my mind)!  This can’t stop yet (in my mind)!

IF I WATCH THIS MOVIE, YOU HAVE TO SLEEP WITH ME:

“If the woman agrees to the terms, the guy can at least sit through the movie without wanting to gouge out his eyes with his car keys knowing he’ll get a little something somethingat the end of the torturous date.”

Wish I had this idea back in college.  I would have had so much sex this way.

Or saved a lot of money.

JEROME & INCEPTION: AT ATTENTION.:

This week, I tackle inattentive viewers.  No, seriously.  I’m going to tackle them to the ground.

By the way, I’m watching it again this week.

WHEN DID I BECOME “THE SEMEN IN THE WATER” GO-TO GUY?:

“I’m not a trained monkey here to dance for your amusement like my fellow Offender Jerome.”

Jesus.

I’m almost offended for the monkeys.

DON’T HAVE SEX WITH K.P.!!!:

1 and 2?  I didn’t even know herpes had a sequel.  Catholic high school sex education – you have failed me.

Alright, folks – this alcohol is starting to wear off and I’ve still got the rest of the morning to get through.  You know the drill by now: this time, next week.  Capiche?

PEACE OUT.