pickup_lines_im_asian_do_you_have_asian_in_you_sticker-p217409815600136118qjcl_400I’m sure some of my Asian American brothas reading this have their eyes set on some fine white chick, but may be too shy or emasculated by the racist white man to make a move. Well, fuck that! Do a fellow brotha proud, get out there and go for the gusto! To help you out, I’m passing on my top ten pick-up lines to use on white women. Employ these properly and I guarantee she’ll be letting you shove your Mao Tse Tongue down her throat and you’ll get more succulent and tender white meat than Colonel Sanders.

10. Do you want to go back to my place and play “Jon and Kate plus eight minutes of pure sexual nirvana?”

9. Me no speakee Engrish, me onry speak the ranguage of rove and I got your losetta stone light here, baby! 

8. Would you like to taste my Mongolian beef? I promise it’ll be hot and spicy, sweet and sour and an hour later, you’ll be hungry for more.

7. Hi, my name is Sung Kang. (NOTE: you can replace Sung with Roger Fan if the white woman in question is over 40 or shows future cougar characteristics)

6. You know how rubbing the Buddha’s belly will guarantee you good luck? Well, I’ll show you something else you can rub that will guarantee you a pearl necklace.

5. You must have been born in Pearl Harbor ‘cause, baby, you da bomb!

4. Yup, I got a perfect 1600 on the SATs of how to please your fine white booty.

3. I’ll be your Thai tranny man/boy ‘ho if you’ll be my overweight, balding white guy on vacation in Thailand who claims he’s not bi/gay or on a sex holiday but wants to fuck every Thai tranny man/boy ‘ho in sight.

2. Yeah, I’m adopted. Maybe you’ve heard of my parents—Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?

1. I directed Better Luck Tomorrow and Fast & Furious.