Andy Warhol defined art as “what you can get away with.”  By that definition, petty theft, adultery and singing Justin Bieber songs in the shower are all forms of art.

But what about the kitsch for sale in the pages of The Globe magazine?

Naturally I sneer, but in 100 years, will some other blowhard look at the Miro reproduction hanging in my living room and declare me tacky?  Am I just hopelessly predictable in my programmed, bourgoise taste, or do I actually like that Miro?

…I don’t know anymore…I just don’t know…

So for now…. I’ll just make fun of stuff.

The only thing that could redeem this piece would be hollowing it out and filling it with candy.  Then I might be captivated.

It’s not just a nauseating little doll – it’s a nauseating little doll of a premature baby.  So, basically, it wasn’t insipid enough as it was.  The artist behind Tiny Miracles wasn’t 100% sure my mom would go “isn’t that precious?!” when she saw this, so they had to throw in – look at the inset detail – the little curled toes.  And by the way, I was born six weeks early, and weighed just under five pounds, so I have the moral high ground when it comes to calling preemies insipid.

I think it’s important to mention that all these works of art were advertised in the same issue of Globe: an embarrassment of riches!

Can you imagine how stymied you’d be picking the right $30 piece of art if you, compelled to find out who has the best and worst beach bodies, who has, and hasn’t, had plastic surgery, who is, and isn’t, out of the closet, your wife bought a couple more of these trashy rags at the same time?

Here is a sampling from the current issue of the National Enquirer, which I bought along with copies of “Us,” “People,” and “OK” while standing in line at the supermarket checkout my wife brought home.

The cottage cheese in these pages wasn’t just limited to celebrity thighs:

This next one is being peddled by Thomas Kinkade – the self described “master of light” – who did the Christmas tree above.

I’ve never seen a chubby cuckoo clock until now.

And Picasso womanized like crazy…so, y’know, the takeaway here is that all artists have their little foibles.

Back to The Globe:

I think artist Blaylock is on to something here, and I think he shouldn’t limit himself to the medium of sculpture:

But I don’t know.  Maybe the American flag background on the T-shirt is too much???   Maybe Blaylock had it right all along when he chose to add the reflection of a third eagle and what is either a fourth eagle, or perhaps a large bat, in the background.

That’s the thing about great Art: it’s also about knowing when to hold back.

Far as I know, nothing in this picture is for sale or qualifies as art, but I do want to commend the Globe for not just going negative: here the editors have taken up precious print space to point out how skillful Cher was in catching her falling glasses – “Good Catch!” indeed – with her chin and cheeks.  Kudos to you, Globe, and to you, too, Cher!