In my last post, I promised to give helpful advice to our non-Asian readers who want to date Asian guys. Since I am a man of my word, let’s start with 10 pick-up lines you probably shouldn’t say to an Asian guy:

1. If I have sex with you, can you help me with my Calculus homework?

2. Baby, I have the yellow fever and I think you got the cure! By that I mean I just got back from Africa and I’m showing some of the symptoms of yellow fever and you look like a doctor so I thought you might be able to help me.

3. The kung pao chicken you delivered last night had too much MSG in it.

4. Hey, you shouldn’t feel bad, the ancient Greeks thought a small penis was a sign of male virility and they knew what they were talking about—I mean they invented democracy and lots of other cool shit, right?

5. I want to get back at my conservative parents so can you fuck me in their living room while wearing a coolie outfit and screaming out, “I’ll pound you like the stakes I pounded into the transcontinental railroad, bitch!”?

6. Do you have a slanted dick?

7. I love your version of “She Bangs.” You totally should’ve won American Idol. 

8. I have a pet name for my vagina: Pearl Harbor. And, baby, it’s ready to be invaded by a horde of inscrutable yellow bombers! (uh…too soon?)

9. It’s really weird. I had sex with a Chinese guy just an hour ago, but now I’m horny again.

10. Can you introduce me to Roger Fan?