You are currently browsing all entries tagged with 'World Cup'

Japanese American Porn Star Promises Free BJs After Japan’s World Cup Victory

  • July 25, 2011 12:01 am

Apparently, the wife of a certain troubled media mogul wasn’t the only Asian American woman last week who risked taking a faceful of cream for the team. Busty plus-size Japanese American porn star Kelly Shibari announced that she would give free blowjobs to anyone who could prove they were STD free if Japan won the World Cup. And guess what…

Japan won the World Cup.

And instead of finding a way to shy away from her words or exposing the whole thing as some sort of hoax as others in her position have done, Shibari has cum forward stepped up to honor her promise. She is currently in talks with web cam companies to decide who will broadcast the event and the blowjobs will be offered to anyone who can make it to L.A. on the designated TBD date with a clean bill of health.  Read more...

North Korean Soccer Team Lost to the U.S. Because They Were Struck by Lightning

  • June 29, 2011 12:01 am

To which I respond, “I hate when that happens.”

The North Korean team lost yesterday’s Women’s World Cup soccer match against the U.S. 2-0. I’ve already written about how boooooooring soccer is so I didn’t watch the game in question, but supposedly the North Korean women played quite well especially considering they have the youngest team in the tournament with an average age of only 20. So all in all, they competed admirably and lost honorably.

But since this is North Korea, the story would not be complete until you served it up with a side order of crazy.

After the match, the NK coach Kwang Min Kim told the press that the real reason his team lost was because…well, they had been struck by lightning. Here’s what he said:

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Gabriel Number Two and The Beautiful Game

  • August 10, 2010 3:30 am

Last month I found myself peppering conversations with words like “equalizer,” “brilliant ball in,” and, of course, “gooooooooaalll…”

I had caught World Cup Fever.

 

Friends were shocked.  So was I.  I was never a jock.  In high school I had a membership to the YMCA.  I swam.  Alone.  For one year.  That was it.  When I tried to play basketball, I earned the nickname “The T.O.P. Man” (Tower Of Power) – sarcasm intended.

These days I do tune in to championship series – basketball, baseball, the Superbowl – find out who the underdog is, and root for that team. 

By rooting, of course, I mean smiling wryly and nodding ever so slightly between beers.  Read more...

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – June 27 – July 3, 2010

  • July 3, 2010 5:09 pm

In order to start off this column every week, I have to think of something that happened to me that’s embarrassing or awful or both.

this is my 'the thinker.'

It has become incredibly depressing to notice the increasing ease with which I can write these introductions.

This past Tuesday, I was having a particularly trying day.  One of my defense mechanisms is eating.  I can basically build a whole emotional shield out of food.

And then I can eat my way through it.  It’s fantastic.  Read more...

Chinese World Cup Hotties

  • June 28, 2010 12:42 am

Yes, I know I’ve proclaimed that soccer and the World Cup don’t mean shit to me (see here and here for proof). But I think I can be forgiven for indulging our readers with another World Cup related post. 32 lovely Chinese models pay homage to the 32 participating teams by getting naked and painting their bodies with the colors and symbols of each country. So enjoy this final tribute to the 2010 World Cup, after which you can go back to not caring about soccer for the next four years:

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Sex?! There’s No Sex In World Cup Soccer! (Unless You’re Korean)

  • June 22, 2010 12:07 am

So regular readers of this blog know that I’m far from being a fan of soccer and the World Cup, but as I was searching the internet for porn featuring hot Brazilian chicks in tube socks and cleats miscellaneous academic research, I came upon a blog by some douche bag named Jrodius entitled “Korean Daddy Issues.” He argues that both Korean teams in the World Cup must not be having good sex because, well, let’s let him tell it:

For example, all I can tell from watching North and South Korea is that they don’t have good sex. You know how I know this? They have terrible haircuts. There is one truth the world over… Girls with daddy issues are good at two things, making love and doing hair. Cosmetology schools around the world are full of women with bad father figures that will do your hair up proper then go out to the club and make poor decisions.

So by proxy I can tell by the lack of fancy follicles on the two Korean teams that no one there is having good sex. Think about it, where are the mohawks like Clint Mathis rocked in 2002. Where are the crazy dye jobs like Abel Xavier, who colored up the lives of Portugal fans. Where are the long lucious locks that graced the shoulders of players like Marcelo Balboa and are being kept real by Jonas and DiMichelis in this year’s tournament.  Read more...

The World Cup? No Thanks, I’m American!

  • June 16, 2010 1:16 am

Yeah, I realize as a Korean I’m supposed to have World Cup Fever, but the fact is I’m an American also, I grew up in the U.S., and as a product of this culture, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about soccer.

I especially don’t get how some of my fellow Korean Americans who otherwise don’t care about soccer or Korean nationalistic pride suddenly become the biggest Korean soccer fans whenever the World Cup rolls around. Some of my friends who fall into the above category tried to get me up at 4 AM to watch the recent South Korea-Greece match. Let me make this clear to anyone else thinking of making a similar request of me in the future—I will get up at 4 AM because you are paying me a lot of money to do a job or because Megan Fox is drunk and horny and under the mistaken impression that I’m the only man left on earth. However, I will not get up at 4 AM to watch a soccer game. Why?

‘Cause soccer is fucking boooring!

I’m sorry but any sport where you can play for three hours and score a total of one point and that’s considered normal is boring! Any sport where Asians are just as good or even sometimes better than blacks or Latinos is boring! And what’s with these rules like no touching the balls with your hands? That’s not a rule for a sport, that’s something your girlfriend threatens to do when she’s pissed off at you. Look, even the great David Beckham couldn’t make soccer interesting to Americans. In fact, he may have made things worse and left many fans angry and disappointed. After all, during his time playing for the Galaxy, he did to American soccer what he does to Victoria Beckham every night and that’s not right.  Read more...