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What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Year – 2009-2010

  • July 9, 2010 12:07 pm

Are you there, YOMYOMF?  It’s me, Jerome.

I wanted to, you know, wish you a happy birthday.  I mean, if you didn’t forget, it kinda has been a year since your Inception.  Have too much to drink, is that it?  Yeah, I can see it in your bleary eyes, you wild dog you.  Wild night, painting the town red, all that jazz?  I can only hope you didn’t kill a hooker.

not really a night till you do, eh patrick?

Well, my lovely, all of these people are here for you, in ur website, reading ur txt, and since they are, I wanted to give them a guided tour of your greatest hits.

This way, I can pay tribute to your achievements over the last year while giving your followers some new material to chew on.  Does that sound good, website?  I hope so!  Who’s a good website?  Who’s a good website?  YOU ARE!  Yes, you are!

By the way, that wasn’t just a lead-in for this article.  Read more...

Attention Chinese Women…

  • March 4, 2010 12:30 am

Here’s a surefire way to know if your husband is cheating on you, courtesy of Tag Heuer and Tiger Woods.

According to Tag Heuer chief executive Jean-Christophe Babin, even though the watchmaker may have dropped Tiger Woods in America, his endorsement is still valuable in certain countries. In fact, Babin claims that Woods marketability has increased in China because of his infidelity. “In China conversely you have Tag Heuer with Tiger Woods everywhere because [with] the Chinese it rather increases their esteem,” he said. “In China, by tradition, your success is measured by your number of mistresses.”  Read more...

Remember To Neuter Your Tiger (Woods)

  • February 27, 2010 9:43 am

Those wacky folks at PETA are at it again. They announced this past week that they were going to unveil the following billboard in Florida to encourage pet owners to spay or neuter their pets:

But after “talking” with Tiger Woods’ lawyers, PETA announced yesterday that they will place the billboard “on hold” for now and go with another campaign. That must have been quite a talk.

Confused about Leno/O’brien drama? The Taiwanese can help…

  • January 20, 2010 10:06 am

In less than two minutes, the Chinese Taiwanese managed to encapsulate and dramatize the whole Leno/O’Brien/NBC fiasco in a way that America never could.  Was that really a cartoony Jimmy Kimmel hurling turds at a Hulk Conan and Superman Leno?  Gotta love the Taiwanese…

American Dub (with nice chinglish accent to boot) – thanks John

Mandarin Dub (the original – just for kicks)

And if you’re wondering how the whole Tiger Woods crash really went down, the Taiwanese have the answer to that one too.

 Read more...

it’s not Tiger Wood’s fault – it’s in his nature to f*@k…

  • December 10, 2009 11:14 am

It sucks to be Tiger Woods right now.  Obviously.  Our great yellow-brown hope is in the shitter, licking his wounds on his floating doghouse, Privacy.  But this whole thing really isn’t his fault.  It was just his true nature finally making it’s world debut.  And as we all know, in the wild kingdom, a Tiger’s penis has no choice but to fulfill his destiny…

moneyFeeding_time  Read more...

it Sucks to be Tiger Woods: Part 2

  • December 1, 2009 10:45 am

The Tiger is quiet.  Tis been 5 days since the Thanksgiving mystery crash and still no peep from the golf champion’s lair.

tiger_woods-shave

Being the star of a multi billion dollar brand, he has the right to do whatever he wants.  And though Tiger’s corporate sponsors are “standing by their man”, there is no doubt that these multinationals, who have banked & invested hundreds of millions into the Tiger Brand Image, are secretly crapping their pants if indeed Tiger could not keep his tiger in his pants.  Sometimes, silence is not golden.

So just in case things at Camp Tiger take a serious turn for the worse, here are a few minor adjustments that will allow the Tiger Brand to survive and prosper…

Nike:  Just Do It. Just don’t get caught.

Gatorade:  It’s In You…Tiger, that is.

American Express:  Your brain.  Don’t Leave Home Without It.

Gillette:  The Best A Man Can Get.  until you find someone hotter than your wife.

Buick:  Nothing Drives Quite Like A Buick…except for that stripper at Deja Vu

General Mills:  Grow Up Strong, not stupid

Tag Heuer:  Success.  It’s a Mind Game.  just make sure you sign a prenup

General Motors:  Built To Last rong time

Titleist:  The #1 Ball In Golf always finds it’s hole

please feel free to modify or add to.  Tiger needs us…

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it Sucks to be Tiger Woods

  • November 30, 2009 12:03 am

It sucks to be Tiger Woods.

Now I’m sure no one’s heart is bleeding for a 33 year old billionaire who’s married to a Nordic model and is one of the most admired athletes in history.  Just the mere mention of his name to a passing stranger conjures up feelings and flavors of a life as champion – the stuff that dreams are made of.  Tiger Woods has transcended the fairways and the links and into the hearts and minds of people around the world.  He is no longer just a guy who happens to be good at golf and just happens to be 25% Chinese, 25% Thai, 25% African American, 12.5% American Indian and 12.5% Dutch (who knew DNA could mix to that degree).  Tiger Woods has become an adjective, a metaphor for success.  Tiger Woods is no longer human but an ideal, a brand.

TigerWoodsSmile  Read more...

It’s not you…

  • October 15, 2009 4:02 am

For the last week or so one of the big stories coming out of the NFL was that conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh had joined a group of investors bidding to buy the St. Louis Rams.
rushrams
Some predicted his involvment would meet significant opposition, which it did. NFL Players Association head DeMaurice Smith urged players to speak out against Limbaugh’s bid, and several players complied. Even the league’s commissioner, Roger Goodell weighed in, saying Limbaugh’s “divisive comments are not what the NFL is all about.”  Read more...