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True Meaning of Thanksgiving

  • November 24, 2011 2:30 pm

…Addams Family style. I love that the weirdos, nerds and Asian kids are the Indians exacting revenge on Sarah Miller and her pilgrims.YouTube Preview ImageHappy Thanksgiving, everyone.

When Black Friday Comes…

  • November 26, 2010 12:01 am

So I was driving home after my annual family Thanksgiving gorging and passed a Target store to see a line of waiting consumers already snaking around the block. Yup, Black Friday is here—the day after Thanksgiving, the start of the Christmas shopping season and, traditionally, the busiest retail sales day of the year.

So an official national holiday where we’re encouraged to eat until we pass out is followed by an unofficial national holiday where we’re encouraged to spend as much money as possible on flat-screen TVs that’ll be out of date in three months and clothes we’ll only wear once. No wonder the terrorists hate us.

Personally, I’ve never understood the appeal of the whole Black Friday thing. Frankly, I hate shopping, but even if I didn’t, there are very few things I’d be willing to camp out all night for that doesn’t involve a naked Megan Fox, whipped cream and a dwarf with a video camera.

Still, I get why Black Friday is such a big deal and why we should show our “gratitude”—the bargains are great and we need to help stimulate our economy like good capitalists or the terrorists win, but sorry, I’m still going to choose to opt out. And if that makes me un-American, then all I can say is–praise Allah!  Read more...

Things to be Grateful For

  • November 24, 2010 1:05 am

On Thanksgiving, many of us will be hard pressed to find things to be thankful for, what with the lackluster economy and having to suffer full body scans at the airport.

As a writer, however, I have had the privilege of researching many stories over the years which have made me realize how fortunate I am to be living in the here and now, rather than in the over there or back then.  It just takes a moment to contemplate over the things that have been banned in the past or are currently banned in other countries to know what to be thankful for.  Here are my top 10:

1) Art

Creating art that did not conform to the ideals of Social Realism was banned in the Soviet Republic during Stalin’s rule.  Besides political and religious art, the ban included abstract art, expressionism and anything depicting nude bodies.  Avant garde artists who did not adapt to the policies were often either murdered or sent to the gulag.  Even after Stalin died in 1953, nonconformist art was illegal until the mid ‘70s. 

I am grateful that although I am not an artist and cannot distinguish between an authentic Pollock and a kid’s spaghetti painting, I can at least admire both without fear.

 Read more...

Why Vegetarians Should Be Banned From Thanksgiving

  • November 17, 2010 12:02 am

In just over a week, millions of Americans will sit down to their dinner tables to celebrate the most American of holidays with a feast of turkey (possibly ham or even duck if you want to add a little Asian flavah) and all the trimmings. It’s a special time to be with family and/or loved ones and give thanks to the good things in our lives. Unfortunately, there’s one thing that’s ruined this holiday time and time again. It’s not annoying relatives or houses that go up in flames when you improperly deep fry that turkey (sorry, granny), it’s something more subversively sinister…vegetarians.

It’s bad enough that vegetarians ruin our meals on the other 364 days of the year, do they need to do it on Thanksgiving too? I know you non-vegetarians know what I’m talking about. You go out for pizza with a half dozen of your friends. And it so happens that one of those “friends” is a vegetarian so everyone else has to sacrifice some delicious meat-based food product to accommodate the one vegetarian “friend.” You end up ordering a large veggie delight pizza because one person can’t eat pepperoni or sausage or beef or ham or any of the other yummy things that gives life meaning and purpose. Tragic.

This is America and vegetarians are entitled to their beliefs, but what I have an issue with are their attempts to convert everyone else to their lifestyle. ‘Cause let’s be honest—vegetarians are the most self-righteous people around. They’re worse than the Jehovah’s Witnesses who are always coming around to your door when you’re masturbating at the most inopportune moments wanting to discuss the impending apocalypse and peddling copies of The Watchtower. At least the Jehovah’s Witnesses will go away once you inform them that you worship Satan, but vegetarians are relentless. They’re like the Terminator. They will not stop until you are eating artichokes three meals a day.  Read more...

Giving Thanks to the Little Things

  • November 26, 2009 2:32 am

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This holiday season there’s a lot of things I’m thankful for: the health of my kids, my wife’s kind smile, the lack of foreclosure notice on my home, the way our dog Ozzy pushes a tennis ball in my face when I’m lying on the couch and he wants to play. Of course there’s Haagen Daz chocolate and peanut butter ice cream, the 60’s station on satellite radio, rainbows, meerkats, and, of course, cheap ass security cameras that you can get at Best Buy.  Read more...

1,001 Reasons I Love Movies: (#6) Planes, Trains And Automobiles

  • November 25, 2009 12:01 am

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Of the holy trinity of American holidays—Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas—Thanksgiving has tended to get the short end of the stick when it comes to films. I dug Jodie Foster’s Home For Holidays and look forward to Eli Roth’s upcoming full-length feature version of Thanksgiving, but my favorite Thanksgiving movie to date has to be the late John Hughes’ 1987 comedy classic Planes, Trains And Automobiles.

Starring two of Hollywood’s finest comedic actors at the height of their powers—Steve Martin and the late, great John Candy—the film is a mismatched buddy comedy about an uptight advertising executive played by Martin who only wants to get home to Chicago in time for Thanksgiving but is foiled at every turn by circumstances beyond his control. To make matters worse, fate has forced him to travel with Candy’s annoying shower ring salesman.  Read more...

Thanks(for the pumpkin pie)giving

  • November 24, 2009 1:12 pm

yomyomf_weekpumpkin-pie

This past week, we offenders are trying out a new “flava of the week”. If you click on the icon to the right, you’ll see all the post so far. So appropriately this week’s flava is Thanksgiving. My family isn’t quite the type to celebrate holidays, let alone birthdays. So instead of sharing how our chinese family doesn’t eat turkey or yams or whatever white people eat, I’d like to instead share with you the very first time I tried pumpkin pie.  Read more...

The One Thing I’m Most Thankful For

  • November 18, 2009 8:20 pm

yomyomf_weekHappyThanksgiving08

In honor of Thanksgiving (which is also our flava of the week topic), I thought I’d do a quick post about the one thing I’m most thankful for. And without question, that one thing would have to be the love and support of my wonderful family and friends including my fellow Offenders. Nothing means more to me than that. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Wait…hold on. Actually, let me expand my topic from just one thing to two. The love and support of family and friends thing is great, but looking at it now, it sounds a little self-centered so let me add a second thing I’m thankful for: This year, I’m thankful that we don’t have to spend another holiday season with Bush as our President. Yes, Obama has faced a rocky road, but I’m confident that real change is coming under his leadership. So Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!  Read more...

making up thanksgiving

  • November 16, 2009 2:18 am

yomyomf_weekturkeychop

Kicking off our new category - FLAVAH OF THE WEEK
This week’s FLAVAH ——–> THANKSGIVING!

If you’re Asian and you celebrate Thanksgiving, chances are you’ve been doing it totally wrong.  Or, if you’re not doing it wrong, you’re copying it really well.  I don’t know about you, but my parents were born in Taiwan, emigrated to the US, and had me here in Baltimore, Maryland.  What the hell do I know about the real Thanksgiving?  I mean, seriously, it’s not like I can trace back my blood heritage to some real, freshly-landed, euro-pilgrim who cracked bread with the local native americans before slaughtering them to near extinction.  If I even tried to chart back that far, my blood would be building the great wall, screwing with gunpowder, or practicing to become a ninja (ok, i know ninja is japanese.  i just think their outfits are cooler than the kung fu variety).  Think about it… prior to your family emigrating to America, the US tradition of Thanksgiving didn’t exist in your reality.  Thanksgiving and all of it’s fixings was not a tradition handed down by generations of your clan but an American tradition that you adopted, modified, and called your own.  Truth be told, I hate turkey.  It’s stringy, gamey flavored, and nowhere near as delicious as chicken.  Yet every November, there’s a big, fat turkey at my family’s Thanksgiving dinner…right next to the kung pao spareribs and garlic, fried noodles.  Read more...