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The $100 Tip

  • February 3, 2012 4:18 am

There are two coffee houses in Berkeley where I do most of my writing, and they are both part of a small chain, Espresso Roma.

One store, in particular, I’ve been patronizing for over a decade (talk about low office overhead – it’s the most incredible deal in the world: for about five bucks, I get a view of Berkeley’s picturesque Elmwood neighborhood, a bagel and a mocha, and the place is big enough that I never feel like I’m taking up valuable real estate – I can loiter as long as I want).  So, at say, five days a week, that’s twenty days a month, at $5/day.

Yup, I pay $100/month for my office, breakfast included.  Read more...

WHAT I LEARNED ON YOMYOMF THIS WEEK – JUNE 11 – 17, 2011

  • June 18, 2011 12:00 am

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week is a capsule of the week’s blogs with sarcastic commentary from Yours Truly (that’s me!).  If you’ve been busy and missed out on a couple of our daily gems, this is a perfect way to catch up.

But seriously – what was more important than reading YOMYOMF?

This week, the tackled topics are F.O.B. speak; advertising strip clubs; and poon procurement with the aid of Marvel superhero costumes.

Ah, “poon procurement.”  I must say: that is one bit of alliteration I’m quite proud of.

SAF SEEKING… MOM AND DAD WOULD BE SO HAPPY!:

“So to hear that accent over the phone, my stomach tightened. I could just imagine my dad coming through the speaker, “Oh, you know, I like to travel, long walks on the beach and.. (dad voice) OFF THE LIGHTS! CLEAN YOUR ROOM! BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER! ARE YOU GOING GALLIVANTING WITH YOUR FRIENDS AGAIN?”

What is it about old-school Filipinos and the word “gallivanting”?  I swear: as far as I’m concerned, they have a monopoly on that word.  I’ve never heard anyone else use it.

TRACY MORGAN & WHY ‘SORRY’ IS THE EASIEST WORD:

“I’m sure you’ve all heard by now how during a June 3 stand-up performance in Nashville, 30 Rockstar Tracy Morgan made some jokes that smacked of homophobia including one about how he’d use a knife to “stab” his son if he found out he was gay. After a massive outcry,Morgan apologized on Friday saying that he “clearly went too far.””

No, clearly he would’ve gone too far if he had made a pun-based joke about setting his hypothetically gay son on fire.

Let’s thank our lucky stars he held back on that.  Read more...

My Bromance with the Jackal

  • February 18, 2011 4:19 am

“Fredo!  Buddy!  Get over here!”

Before I had time to get anywhere, Jackal took three giant strides toward me, put his thigh-thick arms around my waist, and lifted me into the air.  I weigh 190 pounds.

The Jackal looks like a cross between this guy...

...and this guy.

“Man, I am on cloud nine, bro!” he bellowed happily.  I closed my eyes and waited to see if he was going to twirl me over his head like a baton.

 Read more...

How To Survive Valentine’s Day When Your Ass Is Flat Broke

  • February 9, 2010 1:19 am

A lot of people are still feeling the economic pinch. The unemployment figures are way up and it remains tough all around. The last thing anyone needs is the pressure of another holiday created by greedy corporate capitalists designed to guilt you into spending money you don’t have to buy things you don’t necessarily need. But alas, this Sunday is Valentine’s Day so you’re shit out of luck. And unlike in Asia where women buy men presents for Valentine’s, in the U.S. the pressure is on the guys to come through with gifts and goodies for their women. Yeah, it’s ass backwards here, tell me about it.

So for all of you guys going through financial difficulties who are now also stressing out because your significant other is expecting something “special” (i.e. expensive) for Valentine’s, I’m here to help. You can surf the net and find plenty of tips on how to do Valentine’s on a budget (see here and here for examples), but come on—taking your woman shopping at a 99 cent store or for a free romantic walk on the beach only reinforces the fact that you’re cheap and/or broke. That won’t fly. Especially if you’re with an Asian chick. And if she’s Korean, forget about it! In that case, Valentine’s Day may just as well be called “My boyfriend is required to buy me a new Prada purse and diamond necklace or I won’t have sex with him for six months” Day.  Read more...