This Lunar New Year Give the Gift of Delicious Spam

Unless you’re from Hawaii, I don’t think many Americans truly understand how special Spam is. I don’t mean the junk email we receive informing us how happier we’d be if we enlarged our penis or the riches that could be bestowed upon us by a Nigerian prince, but the real Spam. You know the yummy…er…”meat” product:

spam

There are even people right here at YOMYOMF who mistakenly think that Spam is gross or low-class or disgusting. To which I say—whatever! Some people just don’t get it.

If you have never known the pleasure of a plate of delicious Spam fried rice:

spamfriedrice

Or some Spam musubi:

I Know EXACTLY What You Mean

BABBLE

You call it spam, I call it avant garde wordplay.  Bowie did it, Burroughs did it, third graders do it.

babble1babbleword (640x480)

In the space of one day, these four comments arrived which stretched my mind nearly to its breaking point.  The first two were in response to a piece about crazy California drivers:

Thanks for any other beneficial web site.  The location different may I get in which form of data printed in a real great means?  I have a venture that we’re merelyat this point implementing, and i have been on the actual look outside with regard to these kind of information.

“Merely” implementing?  I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit, dear reader!  Implementing is no small thing.  Most people talk about it, but never actually get around to doing it.

Add Your Own Caption: I Like ‘Em Young & Raw Edition

If you’re not already following us on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr, you’re missing out on a lot of extras you won’t find here on our blog including updates on various Offender-related projects (like updates about our YOMYOMF Network on YouTube) and silly, fun things like “Add Your Own Caption.”

This is where we post an image we find online or that our readers forward to us and ask you to write an appropriate caption to accompany that image. And we’ll feature some of the captions here.

This week’s featured caption comes from reader Tom Clancey:

Spam Musubabi???

Spam Musubabi???

So check out our Facebook page for future editions of “Add Your Own Caption”, write your own caption and/or “like” the ones you think are worthy and we may share them here.

Best Blog Spam Ever

I wrote a post about my high school English teacher, a priest who turned out to be a child molester, and who, at one point, forced a seven year old boy to perform oral sex on his five year old brother.  Here’s what reader “Valdovinos” had to say on the subject:

“Gday very cool site!  Person.  Lovely.  Outstanding.  I’m going to bookmark your web blog plus consider the provides nourishment to also?  My  business is content to search out countless information below from the organize, we end up needing workout much more approaches in this regard, many thanks for discussing.”

Why, you’re welcome, Valdovinos!

SAF Seeking… Dieting feels like PMS

Eat me, eat MEEEEE!

“Respect your pleasures,” the chef sagely nodded and then drifted away into the crowded Mexican/Armenian/Russian market.

I was standing in front of the cheese deli case. Machengo, Reggiano, Asiago, Feta… they all called to me like a lifeboat and I was haplessly swimming towards them, and they, in turn, kept floating farther and farther away.

I am on a diet. (Insert several curse words here.)

I am not fat by any means. I live an incredibly active lifestyle that includes various romps in the mud and lots of running in the rain. But at the same time, I am filipino and therefore I do truly believe that a good breakfast can mean, “Rice, scrambled eggs, ketchup, and lots of delicious crispy-fried Spam”. And if not Spam, Longanisa. And if not Longanisa, some Tocino, or how about deep-fried Bangus? And if the pantry is empty, I see nothing wrong with having freshly steamed rice with a freshly opened can of Pork and Beans.

An Open Letter to Spam on its 75th Birthday!

Dear Spam:

You turn 75 this month and while that may not be a cause for celebration for many, I just want to say—those people don’t know shit about nothing. Otherwise, they’d see you for the wonderful creation you are.

Yes, many look down on you and make fun of you and think of you as an unhealthy “mystery meat”. Someone even named all the unwanted emails we get after you—though if I ever meet the asswipe who did that, I’m gonna kick his Spam-hating ass.

If those people took the time and effort to really get to know you and see how tasty and versatile you are, I have no doubt they would have a different opinion about you.

What other foodstuff can be used to make Spam Musubi:

More Proof of the Existence of God: SPAM Lip Glaze

We heart our SPAM here at YOMYOMF (see here, here and here for examples). Others may pooh-pooh its deliciously mysterious meat, but as far I’m concerned, those people are racist elitists. So if you love SPAM too, here’s a new product you may be interested in:

Yup, SPAM Lip Glaze (which you can purchase here for only $2.99).

Now, you can experience that yummy SPAM taste on your lips 24-7. Here’s an official description:

Rubbing meat on your face is a good way to get noticed, but probably for all the wrong reasons. But what if you do it because you really want to taste meat, but not eat it? Well, grab yourself some SPAM Lip Glaze and you can rub the flavor of meat on your lips without getting weird stares from bacon hanging from your cheeks.

YOMYOMF Challenge: We Need Your Help to Rename Sung Kang’s Show

07/08/11 Update: Keep them comments going! Some of the suggestions are really good, but we could use a few more! Also, we’re going to implement a deadline for this contest to win a) Respect, b) Spam, c) Sung’s undying love so we’re going to accept all suggestions by Sunday, 07/10, 12pm PST.

Everyone knows “Sung Kang, star of THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT,” the venerable and legendary host of CAR TALK DISCUSSION w/ Sung Kang.  If you haven’t seen it yet, then this is your last chance, in it’s unadulterated form (we’ll get to the adulterated part later in this blog). [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgVYSCoF17k&feature=player_embedded[/youtube] Although we’ve only produced two episodes, and people are digging Sung as the egomaniac that he really is, we’ve hit a little wrinkle.

Why Japan is Awesome Reason #711: Burger King’s Spam Burgers

If you’re lucky enough to live in Japan, as of yesterday, you can walk into your local Burger King and order something the rest of us in the world can only dream of: a Spam Burger.

Now, I know many folks here in the U.S. (especially the white folks) think Spam is a disgusting mystery meat. But for many Asians—not to mention Hawaiians here—Spam is pretty damn awesome! If you’ve never had Spam Musubi:

Or a homemade plate of Spam fried rice:

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – January 16 – 22, 2011

Someone wondered if I was Hispanic this weekend.  I was at this amusement park which will remain unnamed and I struck up a conversation with someone waiting at one of the ride exits.  The conversation had veered away as far as possible from race – chocolate milk – when she asked me in the politest way, “Are you Hispanic?”

I’m not, so, of course, I answered, “I’m not.” and followed that up by asking, “Why do you ask?”

She said simply, “Because you’re brown.”

She had me on that one.

Yeah, so this week, your trusty league of Offenders talks about vagina ambushes; a shaky way of increasing your breast size; and, naturally, dating advice for all you aspiring Lotharios.  Aspiring Lotharias will have to wait till next week – throw me a bone, Beverly?

SPAM and Other Things I Experience But Can’t Describe

For all you SPAM addicts out there, Mauna Loa have created a SPAM-flavored macadamia nut.  I just spotted cans of them a few weeks ago in one of the snack shops at the international section of LAX.  While there are some wacky flavored snacks out in the world from blueberry and hazelnut flavored Pringles to watermelon and salt-flavored Kit Kat, most of these flavors are at root, based on ingredients that exist in the natural world.  Instead, SPAM is its own artificial creation and, possesses an unearthly taste and texture that barely evokes “spiced ham” despite what its moniker suggests.  But it doesn’t matter.  SPAM is just SPAM in our our minds.  Just like vanilla, chocolate, and seaweed – SPAM has embedded itself into our subconscious to become its own specific flavor that is easy to recognize but difficult to describe.