You are currently browsing all entries tagged with 'Sarah Palin'

Scary Numbers

  • April 29, 2011 4:04 am

I know, I know, not one more keystroke should be wasted on the Obama birther “controversy.”  I’ve got nothing revelatory to add to this non-story, but I just want to point out what savvy Obama displayed in handling this.

Kudos to him for dragging his heels on releasing his long form birth certificate.

The common wisdom says that Obama did not dig up the long form earlier because he didn’t want to get his white gloves dirty.

He was above the fray, remember.  He was taking the high road when it came to the politics of smear.  And I do believe that, in spite of the compromises he’s made since taking office, he still is a pragmatic idealist (if that contradiction actually works).

7 Things White People Can Do If They Want To Be Taken Seriously As An Oppressed Minority

  • March 7, 2011 12:01 am

So according to the media, there are more and more white people in America who consider themselves a “racially oppressed” minority. As La Salle University sociologist Charles Gallagher concluded after studying this “issue”: “We went from being a privileged group to all of a sudden becoming whites, the new victims. You have this perception out there that whites are no longer in control or the majority. Whites are the new minority group.”

While I’ve already encouraged white folks to embrace their whiteness and take pride in who they are, I think this oppressed minority angle is a bit of a stretch. OK, you were passed over for that college scholarship in favor of a non-white person so you’re saying you now know what it’s like to be a minority? Boo fucking hoo! That’s like getting a paper cut and saying that you now know what it’s like to be injured while fighting in a war. Nope, if you really want to claim minority status and expect folks to buy it, you need to do more. And since I’m all about supporting my white brothers and sisters, here are seven things you can do if you want to be taken seriously as an oppressed minority.

1) CREATE MORE OFFENSIVE RACIAL SLURS FOR WHITE PEOPLE

Chink, Nigger, Spic, Gook…now those are real racial slurs. Even if you had no idea what those words meant, they still sound offensive. But what do white people have? Honkey? That sounds like the name of a cute feathery animal in a Mother Goose story. Cracker? How is it offensive to be called something so delicious and good to eat? Whitey? Now, that’s just plain lazy. Those are some of the weakest slurs I’ve ever heard. If you want people to give you props as an oppressed minority, you need to do better than that and come up with names that really sting. If any of our readers have suggestions, leave ‘em in the comments section below. Let’s help out our clueless white brethren.

Good Thing, Bad Thing

  • January 18, 2011 4:04 am

One Good Thing


Doing Dell crossword puzzles makes me feel like Einstein’s great grandson.  You can find them for about three bucks at the supermarket checkout.  In fact, my copy says so right on the cover: “Find us at the checkout!” That’s how you know it’s important.  Just like Rolos, Trident Layers and breaking coverage of who has the best – and worst – beach bodies this season.

How good am I at these brain teasers?  Let’s just put it this way: I don’t do these babies in pencil.  I do them in pen.

Palin/O’Donnell: the Dream Ticket

  • September 21, 2010 3:31 am

Last Friday night at a GOP fundraising dinner in Iowa, Sarah Palin tried to make a funny.  She said her husband Todd joked that if she showed up in Iowa wearing running shoes, Vanity Fair magazine would run a story with a headline like, “Palin In Iowa Decides to Run.”  Yeah, I know, it wasn’t that funny, but I’m not here to critique Ms. Palin’s comedy stylings.

What I am here to do is cross my fingers, hold my breath, shut my eyes tight and say a little prayer that there was a big fat kernel of truth behind her little joke.  If all goes according to plan, the GOP will put up Sarah Palin and perhaps fellow wingnut lookalike Christine O’Donnell, the surprise Tea Party senate primary winner in Delaware, for the 2012 presidential race. 

Dictator Fashion

  • September 1, 2010 12:30 am

Earlier this year, it was announced that North Korean leader, Kim Jong Il, had become a worldwide “fashion trendsetter”. Yes, that’s right. According to a state-run newspaper, Kim Jong Il’s trademark grey jacket and matching trousers have become best sellers in fashion stores from Milan to L.A. The author of the communist party newspaper went on to claim that the “august image of the Great General, who is always wearing the modest suit while working, leaves a deep impression on people’s minds in the world.”

Perhaps his fashion has left the deepest impression with the uniformed work force, for as comedy writer Stefanie Novik comments, “He looks like a janitor.” But it is apparent that Kim’s fashion has also influenced the big screen. Just take a look at Dr. Evil.

Indeed, the dictator’s look is so versatile, it can be transformed from dressy to casual with minimal effort–whether it’s day visits with the proletariat or evening parties with Putin, Kim seems to have found the perfect wardrobe to express Communist chicness.  And as we all know, grey is a color that goes with just about everything. So no need to worry about mixing and clashing with the rest of Kim’s wardrobe, which consists of equally non-clashing tones of khaki.

The Sarah Palin Story–Taiwanese Style

  • July 26, 2010 1:11 am

No one reports the news using animated graphics better than our Taiwanese friends (click here for an example). Well, they’re at it once again, this time focusing on Sarah Palin and whether or not she’ll run in 2012. And once again, there are startling new facts in this video including Palin’s pole dancing antics and a mud wrestling match with President Obama. Who knew? See it to believe it:

Keyword Bonanza

  • July 21, 2010 1:07 am

Fellow blogger Philip has mentioned that keyword phrases like “Megan Fox” and “Mannequin sex doll” drive major hits to the site. So I’ve decided to give yomyomf a huge boost in traffic today. How I propose to do that is by incorporating the top 20 search keywords (for Tuesday, July 20) according to Yahoo! into my blog. So yomyomf people, be prepared for an inundation of hits and spam linkage.

Surprisingly, “Megan Fox” is not one of the top 20 keywords and neither is ”Mannequin sex doll“.  I thought I was sure to find “sex” or “hot babes” in the list somewhere, or possibly “Robert Pattinson” (or “RPat”) or any other “Twilight”-related key words.  But no, none of these phrases broke the top 20. Granted this list changes daily, so this may just be a microcosm of search popularity.

The number 1 keyword search, folks, is “facebook”.  Now why people would have to search for “facebook” is beyond me when everyone knows the web address is “facebook.com”. I suppose there are a lot of people like my husband who hate typing the extra 4 letters “.com” and have to do a search to get anywhere on the Internet, which would also explain why “Hulu,” “Twitter,” “and “Pandora Radio” are also in the top 20. “Microsoft Bing” also makes the list, but why people would search for a search engine is beyond me. Seems to defeat the purpose.

The number 2 keyword is “Zsa Zsa Gabor

Ten More Things I’d Rather Do Then Watch ‘Twilight’

  • June 24, 2010 12:00 am

Yes, the incessant shrieking of tween girls and 40-year-old gay men you’re hearing in the otherwise still night air means that yet another Twilight movie is almost upon us (this time in the form of Twilight: Eclipse). I get that this franchise has a bunch of rabid fans as evidenced by all the losers people who camped out in downtown L.A. days before tonight’s world premiere. And I’m sure my fellow Offender Roger will once again offer an argument in support of the film to lure me to the dark side (see past efforts here and here). But I will not be moved to foresake my anti-Twilight agenda (although future installments sound like they could be perversely entertaining). I blogged last fall about the ten things I’d rather do then watch Twilight. Well, I’m back with ten additional things that are more worthy of my time:

1. Buy BP stock.

2. Go blind from spending 2 hours looking unprotected at a real eclipse (scientifically proven to be less painful then spending 2 hours watching Twilight: Eclipse).

3. Watch Twilight: Eclipse stars Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning in that other movie they did together this year. Yowza! Who needs pale Edward and werewolf boy? Girls rule:

What does BP stand for?

  • June 2, 2010 12:10 am

My husband started a new game on facebook that I thought I’d share: “What does BP stand for?” So far, we’ve got:

Bungled Plugjob
Banish Petroleum
Better Plugit
Barack’s Problem
Beyond Pathetic
Buy a Prius

What do you think BP stands for?

Remember Sarah Palin’s campaign motto of “Drill Baby Drill”? So what’s her response to the catastrophic oil spill? Essentially, it’s “Don’t trust foreign oil companies.” Yup, that’s what she says on her twitter account. It’s not the offshore drilling itself, it’s those nasty British.  And never mind that her husband worked for BP for 18 years.

YomyomF Sports Challenge Winner

  • April 28, 2010 11:40 pm

So who is the winner of the YomyomF Challenge winner?

You may never know. Why? Here’s the reply I got when I sent ‘MacLu’ the good news about his victory Spam–

HI Justin,

Thanks! One thing… do I have to pose for the pic? I don’t want to sound like an ingrate but at my day job I have somewhat of a public persona and I have to deal with super conservative wingnuts (who fwd me emails to join the Tea Party and elect Sarah Palin in 2012, no joke). It’s a super long shot but I don’t want my ugly mug to be associated w/ my comments on the site.

What If Sarah Palin Is Actually An Evil Genius?

  • February 16, 2010 12:28 am

I had a friend in college who was an absolute pool shark. But because she was a girl and cute and petite, everyone (i.e. all the guys) automatically underestimated her–assuming she knew nothing about pool (and she didn’t dissuade them of this belief) so when she kicked everyone’s asses and walked out of the pool hall a few hundred dollars richer, no one saw it coming. In this piece that appeared in Sunday’s New York Times, Frank Rich wonders if we’re not similarly underestimating Sarah Palin. Or in other words, what if Palin really is an evil genius (cue Dr. Evil music)?

By now, I’m sure you’ve all heard about the “Palm-Gate” moment of Palin’s speech last week at the Tea Party Convention where she scrawled a “cheat sheet” on her hand (see my fellow Offender Alfredo’s take on this here). Of course, us sane anti-Palinites immediately ridiculed her; accepting this as further proof that she’s an idiot and unfit to lead our country in anything more than a moose hunt from a helicopter. But Rich raises the potentially disturbing question—what if this is just an act and Palin is actually hustling us the way my friend would hustle those unsuspecting pool players? Rich writes:

A Love Letter To Sarah

  • February 12, 2010 8:39 am

Today is bliss.

And I owe it all to five simple words. Say it with me, now:

…energy
…tax
…lift American spirits.

Again,
…energy
…tax
…lift American spirits.

Now close your eyes and say it…
…energy
…tax
…lift American spirits.

Now faster, let the words dissolve into pure sound…
…energy
…tax
…lift American spirits.

Start swaying, stop thinking, BE the words….
…energy
…tax
…lift American spirits.

I began the week a hater, now I’m a lover.

When I first saw Sarah Palin’s crib notes scrawled on her palm, I thought, Ha! Now there can be no doubt that she’s a cretin! This was one opinionated, uninformed soccer mom I thought we could be finished with. Even the Tea Party halfwits she was pandering to couldn’t overlook this embarrassing gaffe. Right? Right!? RIGHT!?!