Now if you don’t know, I’ve been dating the white meat since the new millennium began. As much as this may offend my fellow Offenders, it makes my mom quite happy. However, the real reason why I date white men…as of right now…. at this very moment… is… they complete the costume.
I’m looking for the perfect “Richard Heene” to add to my “Mayumi Heene” costume. I’ve been constructing the perfect “Balloon Boy Parents” costumes since Falcon Heene was found in a cardboard box in the attic. Mylar balloon, 3 marionette dolls to pose as children (1 that throws up on cue), and shirts that say, “We were on Wife Swap!” All I need now is an egotistical, self-indulgent, angry, kinda red-necky white guy with an updated bowl cut from the 1980′s.
