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Why the Death of Kim Jong Il Means More Bad News for the ‘Red Dawn’ Remake

  • December 23, 2011 5:03 pm

Regular YOMYOMF readers know that we’ve been following the saga of the upcoming remake of the 1980s film Red Dawn since the early days of our blog when Offender Roger had his own not so pleasant experience with the project.

The original film was about a group of suburban American high school kids who must single-handedly fight off a Russian military invasion. In the remake, the bad guys are were the Chinese coming to collect on the huge U.S. debt. But the film has met with numerous roadblocks and delays including a post-production race change of the bad guys from Chinese to North Korean; presumably because the producers realized it’d be a bad idea to piss off China and its potentially huge box office profits (although the producers insist the change was made because some “real smart person” told them North Korea is a more “realistic” threat to the U.S. Uh…OK?).

However, the film finally received some good news this fall when it was picked up for distribution and even given a release date for November 2012. But alas, this positivity may only be temporary with the death of North Korean leader Kim Jong Il last week.

Why is this a bad thing for the film?

Next Idea for Cute Republican E-mail: Photoshopping Will Smith Eating Fried Chicken!

  • April 19, 2011 4:27 am

This next bit of “Really?  Here?  Now?  In the 21st century?” reminds me of a great line from the good, albeit overrated, film, Casablanca:

Inspector Renault (just before taking his cut of the gambling proceeds): I’m shocked!  shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!


So it is with racism and Orange County.

Obama's real dad?

(btw, does anyone still say “Behind the Orange Curtain” anymore?  I was a kid during the Cold War and actually paid money to see “Red Dawn” in the theaters, but maybe you Millenials out there have come up with something new?).


What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – March 19 – 25, 2011

  • March 26, 2011 2:49 am

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week is a capsule of the week’s blogs with sarcastic commentary from Yours Truly (that’s me!).  If you’ve been busy and missed out on a couple of our daily gems, this is a perfect way to catch up.

But seriously – what was more important than reading YOMYOMF?

So this glorious March week brings y’all astounding new insights from the YOMYOMF family, including examinations of interchangeable Asians; 80s masturbation trends; and modern high school cliques.

How’s that for a Sociology lesson?

Oh, that was a lame way to cap the intro, wasn’t it?  Geez…

Yes, I’m typing to myself.

RED DAWN REDUX: PLAN BETTER:

So I guess the message here is–if you’re an inbred hick who can’t tell the difference between a Chinese commie or a North Korean commie and just want to see other inbred hicks kicking some form of Asian commie ass, well then by God, Red Dawn is the movie for you!”

I think the bigger, less funny joke is that judging by those criteria, this movie will find a substantial audience.  HOORAY!

I HOPE YOU ALL KNOW THAT MY FAMILY READS THIS.:

In which I spell out the fact that my family reads all of the dick jokes I make for you.

Okay, also the vagina jokes – but those are genuinely hilarious.

Alexandra Wallace & ‘Red Dawn’ – Taiwanese Animated Flavah

  • March 23, 2011 12:01 am

It’s been awhile since I’ve featured the work of our friends at Taiwan’s Next Media Animation so figure it’s about time I rectified that. They’re even more prolific than ever—churning out their uniquely animated look at the news of the day at an astonishing rate.

Two of this week’s videos tackle issues that have been front and center in the recent Asian American consciousness. First up, the story of UCLA student Alexandra Wallace who made that video I’m sure everyone already knows about. Yeah, I’m sick of her too, but come on—once more with feeling:

Next, last week’s announcement from the producers of the Red Dawn reboot that they’d be digitally altering the film’s villains from Chinese to North Korean so as not to jeopardize the potential Chinese box office:

RED DAWN REDUX: Plan Better

  • March 21, 2011 12:01 am

As my fellow Offender Anderson already blogged, the producers of the upcoming reboot of Red Dawn are making “tweaks” to their film to change the race of the invading enemy force from the Chinese to the North Koreans. Why? Because the movie’s producers have ostensibly realized that China is apparently a fairly powerful country and, among other things, represents huge potential profits for Hollywood. Well, provided you don’t piss them off by making a movie that—I don’t know—shows the Chinese as evil villains out to conquer America through military force.

Really? You’re just realizing this now? I wonder if the folks behind Red Dawn also realize that the earth orbits around the sun, women have the right to vote and there’s this new invention called the internet? ‘Cause I’d get it if China had been some backwards third world nation and only just now turned into the world’s biggest superpower after they found the lamp where the genie from Aladdin just happened to be residing, but the truth is—China was a superpower who didn’t like people fucking with them back in 2009 (when Red Dawn went into production) and it’s still a superpower who doesn’t like people fucking with them now.

So I guess the point I’m trying to make is that a 12-year-old could’ve told you two years ago that if you make a movie and your bad guy is pretty much the entire country of China, the Chinese are going to be pissed. Yet, all these grown and educated adults with millions of dollars at their disposal couldn’t figure that out? No wonder MGM, the studio behind the picture, is in the crapper. To quote our modern day Socrates, Charlie Sheen–you guys needed to PLAN BETTER!

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – March 12 – 18, 2011

  • March 19, 2011 1:58 am

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week is a capsule of the week’s blogs with sarcastic commentary from Yours Truly (that’s me!).  If you’ve been busy and missed out on a couple of our daily gems, this is a perfect way to catch up.

But seriously – what was more important than reading YOMYOMF?

In the middle of March, we probe matters of supermoons; online dating temptations; and that one white racist at UCLA.

The female one.

With the boobies.

THE IPHONE HAS BROUGHT MY FAMILY TOGETHER:

“He’s right. My dad and I are playing with my newest toy and my new boyfriend, the iPhone. (I’ve named it ‘Prince Erik’ after the prince in Disney’s ‘The Little Mermaid‘. Really. Who needs a man when there’s an app for that?)”

Are you serious?  Because I really want to see a screencap of that iTunes screen.  My iPod is named “lulz.”

Yup, for once, no innuendo.

CONSPIRACY THEORY 101: WHAT REALLY CAUSED THE JAPANESE EARTHQUAKE?:

SUPERMOON

On March 19, the moon will be the shortest distance from the Earth since 1992 (though the last true supermoon event was in 2005) and according to some, “the gravitational pull between the two will be so great that it will cause unpredictable events on Earth” i.e. earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and massive tidal waves that could lead to major destruction.”

The hardest thing to believe in that entire piece is that someone actually put that much effort into ‘shopping that photo.

Then again this is coming from the guy that wrote an entire article about the Backstreet Boys.

RED DAWN REDUX: We All Look Same!

  • March 16, 2011 6:16 pm

Wow, remember when we talked about the idiotic attitudes of the producers behind this RED DAWN remake? It was one of our very first YOMYOMF blog entries and it caused quite a discussion on the continued racial ignorance that permeates today. If you don’t know what’s up with this remake of the cheesetastic ’80s Communist invasion in Middle America action movie, then here’s a quick recap: In this new version, the bad guys aren’t invading Soviets, but Communist Chinese! It stars Tom Cruise’s stepson and is vying for a pussified PG-13 rating.

i gots no clothes

  • June 24, 2010 12:31 am

For someone who works in entertainment, I probably have one of the most pathetic closets known to humankind.  How do I know?  Cause my entire wardrobe can fit into 2 dresser drawers (and that’s including my shoes).

What is in my rather paltry fashion arsenal?  Here’s my current list…

2 pairs of jeans.  I wear them until they fatigue or tear.  Only when I risk having my penis tumble out and poke people in public will I consider buying a new pair.  I wash them once a month (at most).

An Open Letter To China Regarding The Remake Of ‘Red Dawn’

  • June 11, 2010 12:47 am

Dear China:

Ni hao! I know you already know that Hollywood is remaking the 1984 film Red Dawn; this time with the Chinese as the enemy invaders who attack the U.S. (see my fellow Offender Roger’s post for more details). I hear you’re not too happy about this film and, of course, you are completely justified in that. You’re worried that the movie could unfairly paint you as an evil superpower out to conquer America by force. And you should be. Let’s face it—American moviegoers are dumb. They’ll believe anything they see. I mean people do stupid shit like flock to the town in the Pacific Northwest where Twilight takes place expecting to—what? Run into a bunch of brooding, pretty boy vampires and werewolves who’ll sweep them off their feet?

So you must have been happy when you heard the recent news that Red Dawn may not be released after all because MGM, the studio that made the film, is all out of money. They have no money, they can’t put out the movie. End of story, right? Not quite. This is Hollywood and anything can happen. You could wake up tomorrow to learn that some big corporation has bought MGM and Red Dawn may go right back to being released later this year as originally planned. So what to do?

Well, I have a simple solution for you: you should just buy MGM.

Chinese Communists Are Taking Over Hacienda Heights!

  • June 8, 2010 11:30 am

When I wrote about the new wave of Indian American comedic actors a few weeks ago, I totally forgot to include the brilliant Daily Show correspondent Aasif Mandvi (sorry, brotha!). To make up for my over-sight, here’s a segment he did on last night’s program about the very real Chinese Communism threat in Hacienda Heights, California (a suburb outside of L.A. that has a large Asian population). I grew up near-by and my parents still live in the area, but I never knew about this threat. Maybe Hollywood does have it right. You can learn all about it here:

I ruv TV ruv Me

  • May 17, 2010 3:09 am

Did you know that by the time you hit 65, statistics say that you will have watched 9 years of TV?  9 years.  That’s a lot of tube.  But is it a waste of time?  Hmm…

As a child I watched a lot of TV.  As an adult, not much has changed.  The only time I didn’t watch TV was in college.  But that’s because I was too darn poor to afford one.  Once, during my sophomore year, I found an old TV in the basement of my dorm.  I wanted it really bad like I wanted Jennie Garth from BH 90210.  So, just to make sure I wasn’t stealing it, I yelled at the top of my lungs, “Hey, is this any one’s TV?”  I waited 30 seconds for a response.  Since no one replied, I claimed the old tube for myself and promptly took it up to my room hidden under some dusty, sorority girl negliges.  After heaving all 150 pounds of TV up to my room, my efforts were rewarded with crystal clear sound accompanied by no picture.  It would have been the perfect TV for me had I been blind.  I guess stealing really doesn’t pay (unless, of course, you work for an investment bank).

If I thought I watched a lot of TV as a kid, it was nowhere near how much I consumed when I started my acting career.  My goal was to know every single show that I would remotely be right for and study them till my eyes bled.  No matter what audition came up, I would not be caught off-guard.  I would be ready, I would be prepared, I would be Asian.  However, had I known that 90% of my auditions would either be as a delivery boy, asian gangster who’s about to die, or some mute relative to some big asian star like Jackie Chan, I would have spent my time obsessing on something more relevant and productive (like breeding the perfect llama).  From Power Rangers to soap operas to network TV, I watched it all.  And this was before DVR so I was watching this stuff live.  I was a serious couch potato.  Luckily for me, I instituted a calisthenic regimen during my daily television binges which insured that my lack of physical activity did not morph me into a yellow Nicole Richie.  So, every 15 minutes, I did 50 push ups, 50 sit ups, and 50 squats.  After about 2 seasons, I was as fit as a navy seal and yolked like a taun taun but I had the eyes of Mr. Magoo (just slantier).

Megan Fox: An Asian American Blogger’s Best Friend?

  • December 31, 2009 1:45 am

If you’re reading this blog for the very first time, there’s a pretty good chance you googled “Megan Fox” and that’s what led you to our site. How do I know this? Because according to our analytics, this piece I wrote about Ms. Fox back in August is YOMYOMF’s single most read blog. And not by a little. It’s been read almost 4 times as much as our second most popular blog, my fellow Offender Roger’s take on the upcoming Red Dawn remake.

Now you would think this is an accomplishment I’d be proud of, but the opposite is true. In fact, I’m asking everyone reading this now to not only click on the link to Roger’s blog, but ask at least five friends to do so as well. And in case you missed it in my previous paragraph, here is that link to his piece again. I would love it if his post got a bunch of hits and took over the title as our most read. Why? Because the success of the Megan Fox blog really has nothing to do with me or this site and it must be stopped. That blog must be forgotten and buried and not allowed to see the light of day anymore.