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Won’t Someone Please Think of the Porn Stars?

  • March 5, 2012 8:34 pm

Today marks a milestone in the history of the city I live in—the City of Angels a.k.a. Los Angeles. Starting today, a city ordinance goes into effect requiring the use of condoms at on-location adult video shoots.

Of course, the porn industry has responded by ignoring the ordinance and carrying on with business as usual.

Now, it remains to be seen if the city will come down hard crack down on violators to avoid getting jizz egg on its face, but I’m going to stand erect tall in solidarity with my porno brothers and sisters on this issue.

Why?  Read more...

If You’re a Japanese Woman, There’s a Good Chance You’re a Porn Star

  • December 28, 2011 12:01 am

I’ve always thought the Japanese were pretty awesome and here’s further proof of that: Apparently one Japanese woman in 200 has performed in a porn film.

Now, this number comes from a source in the Japanese porn industry and there doesn’t seem to be any real statistical data to support it, but let’s assume it’s true because, well, the world just seems better that way.

But lest you think this is a random figure, there is a logic behind it. According to this source, Japan releases 35,000 adult productions each year, which breaks down to a staggering 100 films per day. Between 2,000-3,000 new actresses make their debut every year and the industry has 150,000 experienced actresses in its ranks. There are 30 million Japanese woman between the ages of 19-55 so if one does the math…that comes out to one in 200 woman plying her wares in the porn biz.  Read more...

How Accurate are the Blackboards in Pornos?

  • October 13, 2011 12:02 am

It’s one of the most popular sub-genres of porn: sexy teacher, slutty student, a classroom and sexual hijinks ensue.

Oftentimes, the pornographers will write something “academic” on the blackboards that appear as part of the set to give the scene more verisimilitude. Well, now there’s a new blog entitled Blackboards in Porn that examines the things written on those blackboards to see how accurate they are.

Sometimes, what’s written is “sloppy,” like in this example and the site explains why:  Read more...

Japanese American Porn Star Delivers on Her Promise of Free BJs

  • August 20, 2011 12:01 am

Last month, I blogged about busty, plus-sized Japanese American porn star Kelly Shibari’s vow to give out free blowjobs if Japan won the World Cup. Well, Japan did win and Ms. Shibari was as good as her word.

On August 7, inside a studio located in Los Angeles’ Little Tokyo, Shibari held her “Big Beautiful Bukkake and Blowjob Show”. You can read all about this…uh…historic event here and see an interview with Shibari herself here (Warning: both links include explicit photos, videos and vivid descriptions). But for those of you who’d rather not visit the sites above for prudishness or fear of contracting cyber herpes, here are some of the highlights:

About 30 guys signed up to partake of Shibari’s offer, but 13 actually showed up. No one got paid and everyone had to prove they were STD-free (the official test required as proof costs upwards of $110). Some of the men traveled from afar to take part including a dude named Scotty the Love Pirate who flew in from Washington’s San Juan Island saying, “I’m doing this for Kelly.”

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A New Direction in Horror

  • June 29, 2011 12:05 am

First, I must warn you that if you’re easily offended or squeamish, please don’t read this post. Also, if you don’t want people spoiling a movie for you, please don’t read this post. I’m going to be talking about Srdjan Spasojevic’s A Serbian Film (Srpski Film), which is due out Stateside in a very limited distribution. After screening at last year’s South by Southwest Film Festival, the film was picked up by a boutique distributor called Invincible Pictures that had plans to theatrically open the picture in the U.S.

I first heard about A Serbian Film from chatting with the horror master Stuart Gordon (Re-animator and From Beyond) in his Burbank office and I was immediately intrigued. Set in the titular Serbia, A Serbian Film tells the story of a retired porn star who gets tricked into making a snuff film by an “insane” director who wants to create “newborn” cinema. The second act of the film is a flashback after our protagonist comes home peeing out blood as he groggily retraces his steps and recollects his memory of being drugged and forced into various gruesome acts of sex and violence.  Read more...

Argentina’s DANCING WITH THE STARS is Boner worthy

  • April 17, 2011 5:53 pm

I don’t watch DANCING WITH THE STARS. Who wants to watch a bunch of C and D list celebs ballroom dance? Never figured out why it’s so damn popular. Maybe it’s the public’s desire to see them fail? Who knows. Well, Argentina’s version of DWTS takes it to a whole other porn like level. Oh yeah, obligatory NSFW warning… YouTube Preview Image Liked that the host destroyed the set afterwards. TV is way much better outside the US.

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – April 2 – 8, 2011

  • April 9, 2011 12:00 am

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week is a capsule of the week’s blogs with sarcastic commentary from Yours Truly (that’s me!).  If you’ve been busy and missed out on a couple of our daily gems, this is a perfect way to catch up.

But seriously – what was more important than reading YOMYOMF?

Damn – this week, we really upped the ante if we may say so ourselves.

And we may because over the past seven days, YOMYOMF investigated what happens when the beast with two backs has got one sheep and one dog; the next dimension of porn; and how we can feel even more justified in our hatred of hippies.

Get excited!

HOW TO NOT COMPLIMENT SOMEONE.:

In which I recall the time when an old man started hitting on me.

SO I TOTALLY DESTROYED YOUR LIFE AND…WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?:

“The message went something like this (I’m paraphrasing here, but I’m sure you’ll get the gist):

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. It took me a long time to get to the point where I could even send you an email. You really hurt me. At the time, what you did to me really destroyed me and I’m only now recovering. But I want you to know I’ve forgiven you and I’m moving on…”

This post made me wonder if I sent all those e-mails of outrage to the right Tiffany.

And right Britney.

And right Alicia…

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First 3-D Porno Cuming…er, Coming to Hong Kong & Taiwan

  • April 8, 2011 12:01 am

That’s right—it’s the moment humankind has been working toward since we crawled out of the swampy waters millions of years ago and evolved into the amazing life forms we are today…the first 3-D porn flick.

It’s been in the works for two whole years, but starting next week, the lucky people in Taiwan and Hong Kong will finally get to see Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy in all its 3-D splendor and glory…holes and all. There’s supposedly such anticipation for it that thousands of tickets have already been sold and many mainland Chinese (where the uncensored version of the film will not be available–at least for the first five minutes until someone bootlegs it) are already planning trips just to be a part of this historic experience. Here’s the trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Szz9tsthY8E&feature=player_embedded  Read more...

My Life is a Porno or Proof of God’s Existence

  • January 28, 2011 12:01 am

I debated whether or not I should write this blog, mainly because what you are about to read is potentially the most amazing and monumental thing that could happen and I was afraid of jinxing it. It’s like Christmas, my birthday and the day I saw my very first live boob all rolled up in one. Anything this awesomely phenomenal always runs the risk of turning out badly, but in the end, that’s a risk I’m willing to take. Because I have a feeling that the worst possible outcome of the situation I now find myself in will probably still be pretty cool.

You see…today my life has now officially become the set-up for the best porn flick ever! Here’s what happened:  Read more...

‘The Simpsons’ Porno is Finally Here!

  • January 12, 2011 12:01 am

Well, we’ve waited over 20 years but it’s finally here—a live-action porn flick based on the long-running animated hit The Simpsons.

Simpsons—The XXX Parody features all your favorite characters including token Asian chick Cookie Kwan (whose catchphrase “#1 on the Westside” will probably take on a whole new meaning in this film). Check out the completely-safe-for-work trailer below. Based on the evidence here, I predict that this could be the most disturbingly awesome porno ever (and that guy playing Homer does a surprisingly good imitation):

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10 Asian Things Western Guys Think are Sexy That Really Aren’t

  • January 7, 2011 12:01 am

In the Western world, men have specific ideas about the exotic and erotic East. Some of these notions are based in reality while others are pure stereotypes, but they all have one thing in common—if you really dig deep and think about it, these Asian things that are supposed to be sexy are anything but sexy. Here are ten examples:

1) EATING SUSHI OFF A NAKED WOMAN’S BODY

What could be hotter than eating sushi off the body of a beautiful naked chick? It’s the perfect union of the two awesomest things in the world: food and sex, right? But when you really consider this, you’ll find it’s actually more disgusting than sexy. The woman has to lie still for hours while the sushi is prepared, displayed and consumed from her naked body. I repeat—hours! Which is plenty of time for everything from sweat to germs to dirt to menstrual blood to all sorts of diseases and all the other yucky stuff the human body naturally excretes or attracts to also make contact with your food. Congratulations, you are now the first person to get a venereal disease from eating California rolls! And since there are no real laws to regulate this practice, you have no way of knowing if the woman you’re eating off of decided to come in to work after catching a bad cold, playing with her ten dirty dogs in the mud and neglecting to shower ‘cause she doesn’t believe in “personal hygiene.”

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Japanese Porn Star Maria Ozawa’s Indonesian Dilemma

  • November 30, 2010 12:01 am

My fellow Offender Anderson previously blogged about Japanese porn star Maria Ozawa’s interesting dilemma in the largely Muslim nation of Indonesia where she has a huge fan base (this is according to Anderson, I have no knowledge of this subject myself). Because she’s so big there, she has been contracted to appear in a number of non-porn films by an Indonesian production company, but this has met with ire and protests from conservative groups like the Islamic Defenders Front (FPI).

Well, one of these Maria Ozawa-starring, non-porn Indonesian films entitled Hantu Tanah Kusir (Carriage Ghost) was just released in that country a few days ago. I don’t know much about the movie, but it looks like your typical Asian B-horror flick. Here’s a description from a local Jakarta paper:

 Read more...