You are currently browsing all entries tagged with 'pee'

Private Fears in Public Spaces

  • May 11, 2011 12:05 am

Here’s the unofficial sequel to Alfredo’s “The OTHER Stage Fright.” I was born a cat. I could only pee and shit in my own bathroom and had trouble using public bathrooms ever since I could remember as a kid.

At 6, it didn’t help that my Toilet Nazi first grade teacher Ms. Wong made such a stink about kids going to the toilet (that was what we called a bathroom in Hong Kong) in the middle of her class. I was so scared to ask permission that one day in her English class I absolutely had to go but by the time I raised my hand I was already too late.

“What, Quentin?” She looked at me.

“Ms. Wong… I peed in my pants,” I said.

“What?” I could still remember the horrified expression on her face.

“I peed in my pants!”

The whole class laughed. I was sent home immediately and that incident certainly sent a message to her and the school. For the next week, she instituted mandatory bathroom breaks every twenty minutes. She would even have us stand in a line and check our pants and skirts to make sure that we didn’t pee in our pants. And for the rest of the year, she made sure that no one would feel unwelcome to use the loo.

No Visuals, Just Follow Your Nose!

  • May 1, 2011 12:51 am

 There’s no poop. For all the times I’ve seen films that take place in San Francisco, I’ve never seen random poop on the sidewalk. Really?! Come on now! Everytime I walk down the streets of downtown SF, I walk around 2-3 piles of freshly-minted human fecal matter. And if not poop, definitely piss. If it’s wet and it’s trailing from a vertical surface, it’s probably piss. Going to work, just in the six blocks from the BART station to my office is like playing hopscotch around the lines of urine moving at different velocities trying to catch up to my feet. 

But poop is not my point.  Poop just exemplifies it. You see, poop is inextricably intertwined with the scent of a real city for me. It is. I inhale piss and it reminds me of that time I was walking along the Seine river in Paris, or walking out of the subway station to my friend’s apartment in Brooklyn. 

Poop, piss, smoke, exhaust fumes, spittle, heavy duty detergents, hard water, hot asphalt, tar, jackhammer dust, rusty metal, discarded rotting coffee cups… THAT is the scent of a city! (LA always threw me off though. It smelled of asphalt, but it smelled of dried dying plants too. It was different.)

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – August 29 – September 4, 2010

  • September 5, 2010 1:25 am

Sup, playboys, playgirls – you know the score.  Your favorite wordsmith be laying it down for you, that is the stories of the past week, giving you a last peek, before another one begins.

Y’all like that?  Awesome. That took me an hour.

I found some old pictures of myself while I was cleaning out my garage and while that discovery alone will not stand as a single blog post, it will suffice for this intro.  They were from some banquet in high school and while I was rocking the shirt and tie in those photos, I was definitely not rocking them like I do now.  Also: braces.

Looking at them was as painful as trying to eat a sandwich after an adjustment.  Probably more so.

To our present (or should I say ‘past’? HARDY-HAR) matters: your favorite website investigates the Asia Adult Expo; encounters a Hamburger Nazi; and eats right out of the god damn toilet.  Seriously, I don’t know any other site that would do that for your personal kicks.

Well, not for free anyway.

How to Piss and Poo — Japanese Style

  • September 4, 2010 11:40 am

The title for this “classic” Japanese video pretty much says it all. No explanation necessary, just…enjoy:

Happy Labor Day to all our readers!

Awesome Japanese Toys!

  • March 30, 2010 12:01 am

If you’re a regular reader of my blogs, you know how freakish awesome I think the Japanese are (see examples here and here). Well, let the awesomeness continue. Saw some interesting Japanese toys over at the Huffington Post and thought I’d share some of them with our readers plus other equally interesting toys I dug up elsewhere. Enjoy!

KABA-KICK

‘Cause it’s never too early to teach your kids how to play Russian roulette.

GOD JESUS ROBOT

Since God and Jesus sometimes take a long time to answer your prayers (if and when they even do so at all), the God Jesus Robot is there to do the job when you need a response now. You: “Dear God Jesus Robot, does Jenny like me?” God Jesus Robot: “The scriptures say, NO!”

SAF Seeking…. New Experiences?

  • October 2, 2009 2:51 am
I mark you as mine!

I mark you as mine!

When I was in LA…

“Hi, my name is ‘Joe’!”  (Not his real name.)  He was yelling. “I played college football.”

‘Joe’ seemed amicable.  Jovial.  A bit drunk.  I was, at the time, working as a server at one of LA’s most iconic bars.  It was one of those slammed Fridays when the floor was so crowded with people licking each other’s faces off, that I had to resort to yelling “Beer coming thru!” as I came between their hungry, slug-like, lapping tongues.  The music was thumping out The Pussycat Dolls “When I Grow Up” .  Maybe it was Flo Rida’s “In The Ayer”.  I don’t care.  All I know is that the room is lit in red and a man about 6’5 and 275+ lbs was staring down at me.