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I Love You YU-NA KIM (b/c Michelle Kwan rejected me…)

  • February 25, 2010 12:24 pm

I loved you Michelle Kwan, I loved you hard.  Did not my sexy love poem scribed with the blood of my loins inspire you to become a Fan?  Twas my offerings of eternal love, worship, and a lower, middle-class life not enough?  Apparently not.  48 hours of silence can truly deafen a wanton heart.  My soul is cracked and my audacity to hope, guillotined.  All I have left now is my Ni Hao Kai Lan doll with aluminium foil skates (I made them myself) and an ego the size of an ant testicle.  I loved you.  I love you.  I will forever love you.  But I’m a big boy and I can take a hint…

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I Love You Michelle Kwan…an Ode de Amor

  • February 22, 2010 9:33 am

I love Michelle Kwan.  Always have.  The girl’s got the entire package.  She’s smart, well-spoken, has incredible skin, possesses legs as hard as granite, and is quite a looker.  My only regret in life is that she and I never dated.  I think we would have made a fantastic pair.

Usually I do not pursue a girl that I am interested in.  Like the puma, I am patient.  But I am getting old and wish to experience this relationship before I turn into an oriental raisin with a severe case of male pattern baldness and possible ED issues.  Also, osteoporosis is not a kind dance partner to hot romantic seductions on ice.

So in the spirit of The Secret, I will set the metaphysical dominoes in motion by declaring my desire to date The Great Michelle Kwan in the form of a love poem.  It is my hope that she will respond to my romantic beckonings before the close of the Vancouver winter olympics.  With the extinguishing of one olympic flame, perhaps the flames of love of one of olympic’s greatest champions will spark and be inspired to burn forever bright.  Let the games begin…  Read more...