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SAF Seeking… Facebook Status

  • May 23, 2012 11:46 am

Yeah, I'm "lying".

I had to change my Facebook status.

You see, people take FB as serious, as ‘for real’, as ‘I’m not lying at all’.

I personally don’t like my info out there in the world wide web, it’s just odd. I don’t like people knowing too much about me, especially if the info keeps changing (my favorite cookie USED to be “oatmeal chocolate chip” but now it’s “uraro” as of yesterday). I also find it odd if someone comes up to me and says, “You like (insert obscure musical group)? I would never peg you as someone cool enough to like that genre.” And I grew up in the 80′s when my parents refused to have my name embroidered on my clothing since any stranger can come up to my 8 year old self and say, “Hey (insert your name), your mom said I was supposed to pick you up from school today. Let’s go to my car. Don’t be afraid. Want some candy, little (insert your name)?”

Mailbag: ‘Tell the Truth Day’ Edition

  • July 7, 2010 1:11 am

Independence Day isn’t the only major national holiday this week. Today, July 7, is Tell the Truth Day. This means that you must go through the whole day without telling a single lie. That’s right—every word that comes out of your mouth must be 100% true. So in honor of this day, I thought I’d respond to some of the questions submitted by you—our readers—with complete and utter honesty. These are the questions that don’t fit into our normal mailbag format and would usually fall through the cracks so here we go…

1) Can you guys do a feature on Asian Elvis impersonators?
–Amanda

No. Unless the Asian Elvis impersonator decides to offer free sex to Chinese students as compensation for WWII Japanese war crimes, enters the masturbate-a-thon and hot dog eating contests, blows farm animals and invents a life-like Japanese robot for “scientific purposes” (i.e. you can dress it up in a lab coat and fuck it).

2) You’re always writing about Asian guys and their dicks, is it because you have a small dick? I bet it is. I bet you have a little, tiny Asian dick.
–You have a small Asian dick

Is your name really “You have a small Asian dick”? ‘Cause that is so awesome! You know what’d be even more awesome? If your last name was Mann.