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The 33 Strategies of Sports: The Intelligence Strategy

  • February 29, 2012 12:01 am

The days you get your ass kicked, it’s usually not because of the situation, the person or organization you are facing – it’s because of your lack of preparation and attention. If you’re humiliated in a job interview, it’s because you didn’t know enough about the company’s philosophy. If you’re on a date and suddenly become an asshole, it’s because you’re not paying enough attention to the person sitting opposite you. In either case, you have become trapped in your own narcissism.

The greatest weapon is never more money or manpower, it’s the ability to read the mind of the man or woman you are facing. If you can read minds, you can literally accomplish anything. This is what the government calls “intelligence”. They never send agents out without having “Intel” brief them on their mission – like in a 007 movie.

In sports, when a favored opponent loses to a weaker one, they call it an “upset”. And if you’re into sports, the bigger the upset, the more thrilling the experience (unless you were cheering for the team that lost). Because, there is nothing like a good ass kicking that mirrors real life more accurately. Welcome Back to “The 33 Strategies of Sports”, a concoction of Robert Greene’s “33 Strategies of War” and sports history.

The Perfect Economy Strategy

  • June 30, 2011 12:01 am

PIPE DREAMS FOR SALE

If you just do this one thing, you will increase chances of success by 90%. Fight the fights you can win and retreat from the ones you can’t. But how do you know when to fight or retreat? There’s only one way. KNOWING YOUR OWN LIMITS. That sounds easy, doesn’t it? But being honest with yourself is actually the most difficult thing in this world — where pipe dreams are always on sale. Welcome back to “The 33 Strategies of Sports”, a concoction of Robert Greene and sports. This week…

THE PERFECT ECONOMY STRATEGY

In 1988, The Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Detroit Pistons in 7 grueling games at the Forum to win the title. LA was the first team to repeat as NBA Champs in 17 years. That September, the Dodgers won the World Series. 1988 was a great year for the City of Angels. Lakers coach Pat Riley was so sure his Lakers could win a third consecutive title, he copyrighted the term “three-peat” for the eventual third championship (and still owns it).

And why should Riley be wrong? The “Showtime” Lakers had no weaknesses. MVP Magic Johnson, the greatest player of his generation, was 29 and still in his prime. James Worthy unleashed a triple-double in Game 7 to defeat the Pistons — and was only getting better. Every guy on the team was a fucking warrior. Michael Cooper. A.C. Green. Byron Scott. This was an All-Star team. And of course there was legendary center Kareem Abdul Jabbar (who won 5 titles with Magic). Jabbar was 41 but could not walk away from a dynasty. Besides, his conditioning was excellent and his hook shot remained unstoppable (he is still the highest scoring player in NBA history). And of course, there was Coach Riley, the George Patton of basketball.

WHAT I LEARNED ON YOMYOMF THIS WEEK – MAY 7 – 13, 2011

  • May 14, 2011 12:00 am

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week is a capsule of the week’s blogs with sarcastic commentary from Yours Truly (that’s me!).  If you’ve been busy and missed out on a couple of our daily gems, this is a perfect way to catch up.

But seriously – what was more important than reading YOMYOMF?

This week, you’ve got a chance to read about how a nice rack can make your tea better; remote french kissing; and shitting vagrants.

My thoughts?  You should take that chance.

JOB OPENING: VIRGINS WITH BIG BREASTS NEEDED TO PICK TEA IN CHINA:

“If you’re a virgin, possess at least C-Cup sized breasts and you’re looking for work, well, you are in luck. All you need to do is relocate to Henan, China, where the Henan Gushi Xijiuhua Scenic Mountain Development is looking for someone like you to work picking tea leaves.”

There are plenty of virgins with C-Cups to be found everywhere in these parts – this may be the first time they get lucky!

The 33 Strategies of Sports (Part 3)

  • May 12, 2011 8:09 pm

Last week, we covered the The Guerilla War of the Mind Strategy, which teaches us that the using the same old tired methods is our downfall — as we get older, we replace habit with creativity. We see this in sports all the time. Teams that do the same thing over and over again walk into a psychological buzz saw. They must have new tricks against their opponents, who today study their methods microscopically.

Bill Bellichick became a great coach by constantly studying film of his opponents. Around 1975 for the Baltimore Colts. For $25 a week. With 16mm film. No one was doing that at the time. But young Bellichick spooled his reels over and over again with Clockwork Orange-like precision. His methods revolutionized how the game is broken down. If something works, Bill knows why and how. He has taken it apart like a watch. Now, every team in every facet of sports does this.

Any success you’ve experienced is enduring the same treatment. It will be taken apart and copied to death and beyond. We see it in movies, food, virtually any product we purchase or method that has proven to be successful. This is why everything is predictable. This is why it’s so refreshing when you do something unpredictable. Most importantly, it is you who is woken up. You will be woken up anyway. You might as well do it yourself and not allow the Dallas Mavericks to do it.

Like many of you, last Sunday I witnessed the Los Angeles Lakers in the most fightless, dismantling exhibition since Apollo Creed lost to Ivan Drago. They were manhandled by the inferior Dallas Mavericks. The Lakers’ winning ways became boring and lifeless to them. The same strategy no longer worked and even if it did, they were too bored to keep doing it. LA defeated themselves with their own malaise and predictability.

The Expansionables

  • December 18, 2010 1:31 am

I was watching the Texans-Ravens game the other night and thought, what the hell is a Texan? Somebody that lives in Texas. Okay, that’s to the point. But still, that’s a little on the money for a professional sports team. And then I realized, most sports mascots are kind of weird and not consistent with their city. Like, what the hell are Grizzly bears doings in Memphis? Or Jazz musicians in Utah? Getting married to a bunch of chicks? (on the other hand, it makes sense why Jazz musicians hang out in Utah) But what in the fuck is a laker? Has anyone in LA ever asked themselves that?

When I was growing up, mascots were simple. Lexington Lions. Cypress Centurions. Sports as a metaphor for war. Mascots were the iconic images of the fighting spirit. But in the real world, in adult life, the sports teams that all the adults were rooting for did not make sense. Everyone was rooting for the Lakers…or even Clippers. Does that make sense. Your fighting spirit is a fucking nail clipper? No wonder they’ve only been to the playoffs twice. Forget about first round draft picks. Change your name. At least the Envelope Openers or something.

I suck at basketball

  • September 16, 2010 11:34 am

Here in LA everyone likes basketball… no, loves is the better word.  I like watching it during the finals.  I like seeing highlights kids in high school who accidentally make a shot from cross court and I like the cheerleaders… expressing their artistic dance.  That’s the extent of it for me.

How is it that everyone wants me to be involved even though they know I don’t really endear it that much?  I’m 6 feet tall… so why am I picked to play at my middle school mini league?  I’m a geek/nerd… so am I good at fantasy basketball?  Almost every conversation I get into always ends up talking about basketball gossip.  AM I FORCED TO LIKE THIS SPORT?

Just Say What?

  • July 31, 2009 5:10 pm

It was 1988. The year both the Lakers and Dodgers won their respective league’s World Championship. The cherry on top was when I found out the Lakers were dropping their first ever LP. Excited, I forgone lunch for three days to accrue enough money to purchase the album (a strategy I applied often as a kid in order to buy stuff). Expecting pandemonium on its release date, I woke up extra early and headed out to my nearest Music Plus store. Surprisingly, there was no one else in sight. When the workers arrived they gave me funny looks as they opened up shop. I didn’t care because at that moment I knew I’d be the first person in the world to purchase the “first ever” LP released by the Los Angeles Lakers.
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