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I’m an Alien, and That’s OK (Adventures in Korea)

  • January 19, 2012 10:27 pm

KURLYKOLLY

A native New Yorker, Colleen, aka Kurlykolly is a loyal reader of YOMYOMF. She is also a fan of future Oscar winner, Sung Kang. Last year, she attended the LA Asian Pacific Film Festival with YOMYOMF, which was the highlight of her entire life (Colleen was one of the winners of our twitter contest). She currently resides in South Korea teaching English to little kiddies. When she is not working for “the Man”, she spends most of her time obsessing about all things Korean. Oh yeah, she is not Yellow, she is Black.

I am writing this guest blog while drinking a bottle of soju in Daegu, Korea. (I’ve just discovered it tastes great with mango juice.) A few years ago, I became obsessed with all things Korean. I’m in love with Korean food, dramas, and music. I cannot speak Korean well so I decided that I would immerse myself in the language completely and move to the “motherland.” This way I can understand So Ji Sub clearly when he confesses his love for me. One week of vacation in Seoul just wouldn’t do, so last January, I made a New Year’s resolution: move to South Korea.

After months of interviews and rejection letters (see the letter below), I left for South Korea in October to become an ESL teacher. Naturally my family was supportive. My father: “Which part of Korea? I can’t bail you out of jail in North Korea.” My mother: “You’re going to end up in a prison camp!” My sister: “God, you really want an Asian man that bad?” Yes.

How to get a Korean Boyfriend

  • November 7, 2011 5:43 pm

Check out this video from two enterprising Filipinas based in Manila, Kringa and Cherish, who love Korean culture, Kpop, and yes, K-boys! Pretty hilarious.YouTube Preview Image And I learned from this video, the AEGYO, which is the antithesis of the HAN. You can follow the adventures of these two Korean loving gals at their blog, My Korean Boyfriend. Yep, you read that right.

Korea Hearts Uneducated White Female English Teachers with Big Boobs

  • September 7, 2011 1:43 pm

There’s a long tradition of Americans and other Westerners working as English teachers in Asian countries like Korea. And with that comes certain occasional “controversies”…one of them being rumors that certain employers have a preference for hiring attractive white women with…uh… big Western tits specific qualifications.

Well, dedicated YOMYOMF reader Kurlykolly stumbled across the following posting on Seoul Craiglist from one such woman looking for a teaching job in Korea (click to see the full ad here until it gets taken down):

Film Festival Dispatch: PIFAN (Puchon Int’l Fantastic Film Festival)

  • July 21, 2011 7:00 pm

The 15th edition of Pifan, which ends this weekend in Bucheon near Seoul, is one of my favorite film festivals ever. First off, it’s a genre film festival and showcases about 200 horror, sci-fi, suspense, thrillers, anime and other genre works from around the world. Secondly, it’s located in Bucheon, the sin city of South Korea. I wrote about my last visit in 2009, and the heart of the Festival is located in the Red Light district, filled with late night pubs, bbq restaurants, hostess bars, and love hotels. It’s truly an experience, especially when you’re congregating with genre filmmakers and boozing it up every night. The atmosphere is perfect for a genre film festival; Walking along the neon-lit streets alongside drunken and staggering salarymen and room salon girls heading to work is something out of an old ’70s gangster movie. It is so nonchalant here, that the usual karaoke bar that everyone congregates at 1am is next door to a massage parlor and a church!

China’s Hello Kitty Amusement Park & Other ‘Interesting’ Theme Parks

  • May 16, 2011 12:01 am

Japan’s Sanrio Co. announced last week that it will be building a Hello Kitty theme park in China, similar to its Purolands parks in Japan that celebrate all things Hello Kitty and her Sanrio-inspired brood. It’s currently scheduled to open in 2014 so book those tickets now.

I know a lot of our readers are into all things Hello Kitty (like this Hello Kitty self-pleasuring device) and will be anxiously awaiting the opening of this attraction, which will be located south of Shanghai. But if you can’t wait that long and want to find an “interesting” theme park in Asia to visit this summer vacation, you’re in luck! We’ve already written about China’s World Chocolate Wonderland and Japan’s Ocean Dome, but here are four more Asian theme parks I’m sure our freakish perverted adventurous readers will enjoy:

SHIJINGSHAN AMUSEMENT PARK (Beijing, China):

Of course, China has many other theme parks besides the upcoming Hello Kitty one and among the best known is Shijingshan, located in the nation’s capital. The park features magical castles, Snow White and her Dwarfs, a cat with large mouse-like ears and apparently the best lawyers money can buy considering the place hasn’t been closed down for being a Disneyland knock-off as many have accused it of being. ‘Cause Shijingshan characters like “Duck” and “Girl Cat” clearly do not bear any resemblance to copyrighted Disney characters:

Besides, I challenge Disneyland to come up with a better ticket window than this:

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – April 9 – 15, 2011

  • April 16, 2011 12:00 am

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week is a capsule of the week’s blogs with sarcastic commentary from Yours Truly (that’s me!).  If you’ve been busy and missed out on a couple of our daily gems, this is a perfect way to catch up.

But seriously – what was more important than reading YOMYOMF?

This best week of the year for reasons I shan’t disclose, YOMYOMF contemplates dating advice from parental units; Nyquil-fueled dreams; and racist cereal.

Sounds delicious!

1,001 REASONS I LOVE MOVIES: (#23) SIDNEY LUMET ON ‘MAKING MOVIES’:

“I really don’t think I can add much about Lumet’s life and career that hasn’t already been said, but in addition to being a filmmaking giant, he also wrote what I consider to be the best book about directing–1995’s Making Movies. If you want to be a filmmaker and can only read one book on the subject, this is it.”

Well, thanks, Phil – as if I wasn’t strapped for cash already, now you’ve sold me on this book!  Damn you for inspiring me to read.

NORTH KOREA’S KIDS GOT TALENT!:

“It is known that children train in extracurricular activities like music and sports for hours on end and for many years in North Korea. It is not to say these particular kids don’t enjoy what they do, but it is definitely a lot of grueling work.”

Yeah, but it’s not like childhood’s something you’re supposed to enjoy.

God, the Earthquake and our Community (oh, and some blond chick from UCLA)

  • March 15, 2011 12:01 am

Occasionally, readers will send us links to other sites or story ideas they think we might be interested in blogging about (and thank you to those who have been so sharing), but an unusual thing has been happening of late. Over the past few days, we’ve received more messages alerting us to potential stories than we have in all of the past year-and-a-half of YOMYOMF’s existence.

Obviously, a big reason for this is the earthquake in Japan. A sizeable portion of our readership are Asian or Asian American and this is definitely a major event for our community and we have indeed been receiving many earthquake-related tidbits. But the story tip we’ve been most inundated with is the one about a certain blonde girl at UCLA who said some things about Asians in the library. In fact, we’ve gotten more mail/messages related to her than any other subject ever so obviously she’s touched some sort of nerve within our community (more on this in a second).

Now, I’ve also received a lot of direct messages asking me to blog about this girl and while I appreciate that some readers think I’d have an interesting take on this, the truth is…I don’t. Firstly, this story went viral so quickly that I really don’t know if I can add anything new that hasn’t already been touched on (if any of my fellow Offenders feel differently, I’m sure they’ll post their own blogs). Secondly, while I think this girl is ignorant, many of her opinions repugnant and I’m sure she probably had no idea what sort of backlash she’d get from posting this online, frankly, it’s just one insignificant girl sharing her thoughts. I don’t know how much time others spend on YouTube, but there are far worse, and more racist, shit online than this girl’s video, which never receive even a fraction of this kind of attention and outrage from our peeps. Like I said, she’s obviously touched a nerve and I’m definitely curious to know why (FYI, she issued an apology yesterday).

Why St. Patrick’s Day Should Be a Korean Holiday

  • March 11, 2011 12:01 am

So come next Thursday, we will all be Irish again for one day—wearing green, pinching those who aren’t wearing green, drinking, clubbing errant snakes and drinking some more. Yes, once again St. Patrick’s Day will be upon us. Now, nothing against my Irish brothers and sisters, but I think it might be time to finally come clean and acknowledge what a lot of us have been thinking for the longest time:

St. Patrick’s Day should also be a Korean holiday.

Koreans do already celebrate St. Patrick’s Day and it’s allegedly growing in popularity every year. This shouldn’t be too surprising because Koreans are often referred to as the “Irish of the Orient.” Our two peoples definitely have a lot in common and it makes sense that this holiday should therefore be shared equally between our two great nations.

Real-Life Blow-Up Doll is Korea’s Latest Celebrity

  • February 25, 2011 12:01 am

I think I owe a bit of an apology to my Japanese friends because it appears that they’re not the only Asians with bizarre sexual…uh, interests. This latest news comes out of South Korea where one of the biggest internet “celebrities” is female Chinese high school student Wang Jiayun. And what is it that’s made her so famous? Well, she looks like a blow-up sex doll.

That’s right—she’s famous simply because she resembles a blow-up doll. Her photos have become so popular that last week, her name reached the top ranking on Korean search portals:

5 Asian Americans who seemed cool but turned out to be Assholes

  • February 16, 2011 12:01 am

Yup, today I look at some Asian Americans who at first seemed cool and down with it, only to later reveal their assholeness. Here are 5 of them in no particular order:

1) M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN 

I’m not including the Indian American director/writer of such films as The Sixth Sense and The Village here because he outraged the Asian American community last year with his whitewashed live-action version of The Last Airbender. Frankly, I wouldn’t care less if he had cast green Martians—the movie would’ve still sucked. I’m also not including him here because his recent movies have, well, sucked. After an impressive start with The Sixth Sense, it’s been diminishing returns with his last four films being almost unwatchable. No, I’m including him here because he seems to be the only one on the planet who is unaware of how far his name/brand has fallen and still acts as if he’s the second coming of Steven Spielberg, Alfred Hitchcock and God rolled into one. Never mind that last fall’s Shaymalan-produced Devil was roundly jeered simply because his name was on the credits and subsequently bombed at the box office. I think there’s still a talented filmmaker in there somewhere if he can just let go of his ego and stop believing his own hype.

Why Valentine’s Day is More Awesome in Asia

  • February 14, 2011 12:01 am

Once again February 14 is upon us…another Valentine’s Day. Maybe the worst holiday ever invented with the possible exception of Adolf Hitler’s birthday. If you’re single, you feel like shit for not having anyone but if you’re in a relationship, there’s no way to live up to the hype so there’s bound to be stress and disappointment. Best to acknowledge what a fucked-up holiday this really is by just saying no and refusing to take part.

So ladies, when you receive no gift from me today, know that it’s not because I’m cheap or insensitive or only feigning interest in you so you’ll have sex with me. Nope, it’s because I’m taking a brave stand against this destructive holiday just like Gandhi took a brave stand against…well, whatever it was he was bravely standing against.

But despite all this, if you’re still going to insist on celebrating Valentine’s Day, I implore you to look to the traditions of our friends in the Far East because they know how to do this day up right.

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – November 21 – 27, 2010

  • November 27, 2010 1:46 am

It’s just about that time of the year again.  Festive shades of red and green are starting to pepper the streets and amazing arrays of lights are coming to life in neighborhoods across the country.  Blow-up reindeer and snowmen tower over more and more lawns on the way home.

As a southern California resident however, the signs of the holidays are pretty much restricted to those made by man.  When it comes to matters of nature’s grandeur, we’re pretty much stuck with (what is to natives) blistering cold minus the awesome wonder of snow.  Every time I go outside now – which isn’t often – I think about just how much more understanding I’d be of the weather if it were at least accompanied with the once-a-year abilities to make snow angels and add a scarf to my outfit without worrying about my fading masculinity.

Hope y’all had a happy thanksgiving – that is if you celebrate that kind of thing – and are ready to play catch up with YOMYOMF.  This last full week of November, we explore the universal appeal of breasts pressing against our freedom of speech; the correlation between threatening times and amounts of sweet, sweet intercourse; and the exemplary human behavior on display on Black Friday.