I was helping my parents look at furniture the other day when I finally resigned myself to the fact that the search would take more than a couple hours. Thank you, Sweden.
In that desert expanse of time between upholstery perusal and meatballs with lingonberry jam, I took to finding a temporary residence in the primary color-laden labyrinth. After playing solo, silent musical chairs for a couple minutes, I found a chair that fit my tushy like a glove and slowly began to space out with my iPod and cheap over-ear headphones.
At one point, a parade of a family started marching past me and, unsurprisingly, I couldn’t care less. My music’s blaring in my ears when suddenly, in the din, I can make out a faint ‘Hello.’ I brushed it off and ignored it for a bit before realizing that a small boy no older than three was happily waving at me – me, this veritable grinch.
It was adorable, a small kindness, and, in spite of the cold, cold winter in my heart, I felt just a little less dead.
Then I went back home to kick some dogs.
This week, your Offenders click-clacked their keyboards about dick size; masturbating with Bibles; and clues regarding Batman’s sexuality. So, all in all an illuminating time for everyone! Oh, penises. Read more...