On The First Day Of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me…. A Cashier’s Check For $27,393.

That’s up 7.7% from last year, far outpacing inflation (1.2%).  Ouch.

CHRISTMAS

Here’s how the twelve days of Christmas break down:

1. one partridge in a pear tree – $200 (tree not included)

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2. two turtledoves – $125 (note: two turtledoves are cheaper than one partridge)

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3. three French hens – $165 (cheaper, per unit, than turtle doves)

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Christmas Eve Horror Movie Marathon

CHRISTMAS

HolidayFear

My favorite thing to do on Christmas Eve is to stay in, watch a marathon of Christmas-themed horror flicks, sip wine and eat chocolates. Unfortunately I will be spending Christmas Eve with my dad this year and he has absolutely no interest in horror films even though as a kid I made him rent every horror movie available. He would fall asleep snoring in the middle of them.

Here are some alternative programming recommendations for Christmas movies.

Black Christmas (1974) is a classic and must see for every horror fan. Directed by Bob Clark, Black Christmas is arguably the first modern slasher film made in history. It’s classy, well-made and atmospheric, most definitely on top of my Christmas horror flicks. However, don’t bother with the lame 2006 remake.

Stop Christmas Violence

Apparently, a “violent crime duo” has been committing unspeakable acts up in Canada this Christmas season, but luckily they have been caught on video and can now be identified:

AvLgFB-CIAE7XpySo if anyone should see this duo, proceed with caution and alert the authorities immediately as they are very, very, very violent.

Around the Horn: Holiday Traditions

It’s the most wonderful time of the year a.k.a. the holidays are back. As much as I give off the Grinch vibe, I have to say I really enjoy this time of year. And there are certain things that get me in the proper spirit and one of them is A Charlie Brown Christmas.

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I’ve been watching the Peanuts gang learn the true meaning of Christmas since I was a little kid and it’s something that I revisit every year and never get sick of. When everyone gets together at the end of that to decorate that sad little Christmas tree that Charlie Brown picked out and transforms it into something beautiful–that gets me every time.

But what I really love about the special is the music by Vince Guaraldi. This has to be some of my favorite Christmas music. It doesn’t get any more perfect than this:

Or this:

Or any of the other songs on the soundtrack.

What are the things that get you in the holiday spirit?

Masturbating or What You Won’t be Doing this Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is almost here and it’s a time for many things: family, good food, football, shopping (now that Black Friday is starting on Thursday), but the one thing it’s apparently not about is porn and masturbation.

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According to Pornhub, people watch far less porn on major holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Apparently, people don’t like to jerk off while basking in the warm glow of family, friends and turkey dinners.

But holidays aren’t the only time people give up porn, there’s also the days when big news stories break. For example, on the day Osama Bin Laden was killed, porn traffic was down. Guess partaking in some self-love isn’t how most people wanted to celebrate such a milestone.

While porn viewing may drop on Thanksgiving, it actually increases on the day after Thanksgiving.

If it’s Mariah Carey, it Must be Christmas!

Christmas too early

I’m hardly the only one who’s pointed this out, but every year, it seems like Christmas arrives earlier and earlier. I remember a time not too long ago, when I was a young lad, when the Christmas season didn’t really kick off until after Thanksgiving. This year, a department store that I occasionally frequent had their Christmas decorations out in the dead of summer.

To drive home the point, in recent years, we have witnessed the trend of certain radio stations playing all holiday music around Christmastime. Again, when this practice gained traction around a decade ago, most stations wouldn’t go full Christmas until after the Thanksgiving turkey had been properly digested. But the popularity of this format has led stations to pull out the musical holly and mistletoe earlier and earlier.

I learned this the other day as I was driving home from work and as I channel surfed on XM Radio found that the 24 hour holiday music has already started—thank you, Mariah Carey for reminding me for the 988,764th time that all you want for Christmas is me.

I Want to Go to There: The Hammock Bathtub

Yup, it’s both a hammock and a bathtub—how awesome is that!

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Well, actually it’s more bathtub than hammock, but it’s still pretty cool. Here’s the description of the “Vessel” as it is called, in case any of our readers are wondering what to buy me for Christmas:

Unlike regular bathtubs, the hammock bathtub is designed to be suspended from the walls via stainless steel brackets and does not touch the floor. The bath is filled with a standing faucet that comes up from the floor. Water is released from the tub through the base, which then flows into a floor drain (in a wet room setting). A downpipe can be installed if this is not possible.

Strong carbon fiber allows the unique shape of the tub, while keeping it light enough to hang. A foam core insulates the tub, keeping the bath water warm for longer than a regular bathtub. At 2.7 m (almost 9 feet) long, the Vessel bathtub is comfortable for tall people, and is big enough to share. It is available in black, red, blue, yellow, bronze, silver, and even pink.

Why This Christmas Will be the Best Christmas Ever

If you thought Christmas 2013 was going to be another dull and banal Christmas, think again ‘cause the good folks at Hallmark have just announced their latest keepsake ornament entitled “Arena”. Behold—

Yes, it’s a Christmas tree ornament recreating a scene from the classic Star Trek episode “Arena” where one Captain James Tiberius Kirk must go into mano-a-mano battle with the Gorn aka the dude in a rubber lizard outfit.

The Perfect Holiday Gift for the HIGH-Achieving Child

If the holidays are an occasion to give that special child a gift that’s fun, educational and also serves a practical purpose, than I suspect that many children found this under their tree this past Tuesday morning:

It’s the Hydroponics Lab for ages 5 and up because it’s never too early to teach your child how to properly nurture and grow those marijuana plants in their closet.

With no sign that the economy will ever climb back out of the toilet within your child’s lifetime the foreseeable future, why not teach them a practical skill that will allow them to financially weather through any situation? Plus, if this past election was any indication, this bud might soon be legal everywhere so it makes sense to get into the business from the ground floor.

The Best Christmas Gift I Ever Got

Nope.

Nope.

And nope.

The best Christmas gift I ever got – my kids’  artwork excepted – any parent will tell you that’s an instant slam dunk…

…was a nylon shoulder bag my wife Linda bought me five years ago.

It’s just a practical ho hum object: a black bag with the “Shure” logo on it, but that simple bag revealed so much thoughtfulness that I was completely bowled over by it.

Before that bag, I used to lug my paperwork and records (not paper records – I’m talking about those 12 inch circular vinyl platters from which music magically emerges) to the bars I co-own in paper or plastic bags from the grocery store, and, invariably, they would tear and fall apart after a week or two.

The Short List: THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

As part of our new YOMYOMF Network series, The Short List, where we present short films we love every Friday at Noon EST, we’ve reached out to the filmmakers with 5 Questions to see what’s up since the production of their short film. It’s a way for them to revisit their film and get an update on their next projects. You can view all The Short List films here.

This week, we feature a holiday-themed short film from one of our own, Offender Alfredo Botello (who is also the writer-director of the YOMYOMF web series REALITY REBOOT starring Chester See). Below are 5 questions we asked him about the making of this short film.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbaHOa_3f2M&feature=share&list=PL271F68EF73F6EA1A[/youtube]

1. How did you come up with the concept for this short?

The YOMYOMF Network: Recap for Week of December 16

12 Days of Christmas (Internet Icon)

Jonesing for an INTERNET ICON fix?  We’ve got your holiday themed answer!

Join the Top Ten (and more!) of ICON as they do their own rendition of a classic carol.

Cherry - Honest Santa (w/ Justin James Hughes)

Not satisfied with that?  Here’s some more ICON!

In one of many YOMYOMF Cherries this week, ICON finalist Justin James Hughes gives kids a dose of their own (possibly undeserved) medicine as HONEST SANTA.