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The Big Secret About Asians Finally Revealed: We Can Read Minds!!!!

  • April 18, 2012 5:02 pm

So the celebrity gossip site Just Jared posted a short piece this afternoon with photos of actor Zachary Quinto (Star Trek) running errands with his pooch. An otherwise seemingly dull standard piece of celebrity fluff, but something about this story prompted a reader named Vanessa to post some lengthy rambling remarks in the comments section that started off like this:

Yup, whoever this mysterious Vanessa is, she has finally exposed the truth: that Asians have the secret ability to read people’s minds. That’s clearly why we have “completely expressionless faces” and are “very unfriendly in general” ‘cause we’re using that as a cover for reading your minds.

Now, thanks to the mysterious Vanessa, Zachary Quinto and his dog, we have been exposed. And if you’re thinking to yourself, what the hell does Asians reading minds have to do with Zachary Quinto and his dog? Well, I already knew you were thinking that ‘cause I can read your mind, sucka!

Check out Vanessa’s comment in full as she lays out the truth:  Read more...

5 Reasons Why Asians are Best Suited to Survive the Apocalypse

  • August 15, 2011 12:02 am

The Rise of the Planet of the Apes continues to kick ass at the box office for a second week in a row; proving further that the apocalypse/end of humanity is still a topic we just can’t get enough of. Whether it’s zombies (Walking Dead, I Am Legend, 28 Days Later), aliens (Fallen Skies, Battle: Los Angeles) or Mother Nature herself (2012, The Day After Tomorrow), it’s the end of the world as we know it and we apparently feel fine.

But one group that doesn’t feel so fine is Asians. Because, at least according to Hollywood, very few of us seem to be among the survivors of whatever destructive event strikes our planet. Which is bullshit because if you look at the Asian stereotypes we’re all familiar with, we should not only be well represented amongst the survivors, but, hell, if we shouldn’t be thriving. Here’s why:

1) ASIANS EAT ANYTHING

Before you can face the dangers of an apocalyptic hellhole filled with mutated monster freaks, global warming run amok or intelligent apes that sound like Roddy McDowall, you gotta get some food in your belly or you won’t get very far. But in a world where supermarkets, McDonalds and Farmer’s Markets will cease to exist, your culinary options will be severely limited. Unless…you’re Asian.  Read more...

God, the Earthquake and our Community (oh, and some blond chick from UCLA)

  • March 15, 2011 12:01 am

Occasionally, readers will send us links to other sites or story ideas they think we might be interested in blogging about (and thank you to those who have been so sharing), but an unusual thing has been happening of late. Over the past few days, we’ve received more messages alerting us to potential stories than we have in all of the past year-and-a-half of YOMYOMF’s existence.

Obviously, a big reason for this is the earthquake in Japan. A sizeable portion of our readership are Asian or Asian American and this is definitely a major event for our community and we have indeed been receiving many earthquake-related tidbits. But the story tip we’ve been most inundated with is the one about a certain blonde girl at UCLA who said some things about Asians in the library. In fact, we’ve gotten more mail/messages related to her than any other subject ever so obviously she’s touched some sort of nerve within our community (more on this in a second).

Now, I’ve also received a lot of direct messages asking me to blog about this girl and while I appreciate that some readers think I’d have an interesting take on this, the truth is…I don’t. Firstly, this story went viral so quickly that I really don’t know if I can add anything new that hasn’t already been touched on (if any of my fellow Offenders feel differently, I’m sure they’ll post their own blogs). Secondly, while I think this girl is ignorant, many of her opinions repugnant and I’m sure she probably had no idea what sort of backlash she’d get from posting this online, frankly, it’s just one insignificant girl sharing her thoughts. I don’t know how much time others spend on YouTube, but there are far worse, and more racist, shit online than this girl’s video, which never receive even a fraction of this kind of attention and outrage from our peeps. Like I said, she’s obviously touched a nerve and I’m definitely curious to know why (FYI, she issued an apology yesterday).  Read more...

Asian Watching on Youtube

  • January 11, 2011 7:54 pm

Just as I was going to write about something else, a Facebook status update alerted me to check out this Youtube video popping up on Queerty:

Apparently it’s getting a lot of hits… and I’m queerious to find out who’s Luanlegacy? So I checked out his first video:

He certainly has come a long way from the first video he posted a year ago. Different hair… different look. Better performance?  Read more...

Chinky Or Not Chinky: Asians Offending Asians Edition

  • November 3, 2010 12:05 am

Korean actress Lee Da Hae (My Girl) has raised the ire of some in the Filipino community for “insulting” them during an appearance on a TV talk show. Lee was asked to say the following English phrase–“Excuse me. I’m a little bit thirsty. Can I have a glass of water please?”—in three distinct accents—American, British and Filipino:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArXV_PrC210&feature=player_embedded

But her attempt at the Filipino accent has led to outrage from Filipino netizens. Here’s a sampling of some of the responses from the web:

 Read more...

Chinky Or Not Chinky: Are Asians Bad Drivers?

  • August 10, 2010 12:01 am

I know a number of Asian Americans who are quick to point out the inaccuracies of many of the stereotypes attributed our people (No, we’re not all model minorities. No, Asian guys don’t have small dicks), but there’s one stereotype they will reluctantly admit has some basis in truth…that Asians are bad drivers.

But how accurate is this stereotype and is there any solid evidence to support it? I asked our readers via our Twitter and Facebook pages to share their thoughts on the subject and I’ll get to some of those responses in a moment. But first, let’s take a look at some of the “evidence” for this stereotype to determine if this is indeed…chinky or not chinky?  Read more...

Six More Things Asians Love That White People Hate

  • May 14, 2010 12:12 am

Here’s more shit that Asians love and white folks hate.

1) EATING THINGS THAT MOVE

White people may claim to like their food, including their meat, fresh, but in reality, they wouldn’t be able to handle “real” freshness. White people still freak out when they see a whole duck hanging from the window of a Chinatown restaurant and some of them still think swallowing raw fish is a cruel fraternity initiation. But Asians…we know freshness and what’s fresher than eating something that’s still alive and/or moving. I have to admit that when I first went to the Pusan Film Fest a few years ago and was presented with a plate of still squirming octopus, I hesitated for a second. But when I took that first bite, it was fucking awesome! And guess what? The white people in our party (who were even more disgusted) ended up loving it too. So don’t knock it until you try it:

 Read more...

Asians Scare Palin Out of Hawaii

  • December 4, 2009 6:35 pm

sarah_palin_makeup

I found this so humorous from The Daily Beast: Young Sarah Palin went to four colleges including Hawaii Pacific University in Honolulu, which she and a friend only lasted  for one semester. According to her insightful tome Going Rogue, Palin writes:  “Hawaii was a little too perfect. Perpetual sunshine isn’t necessarily conducive to serious academics for eighteen-year-old Alaska girls.” 

Yeah, right. According to The New Republic, it is learned that Palin’s father, Chuck Heath, gave a different account to [Scott] Conroy and [Shushannah] Walshe (authors of  another bio, ‘Sarah From Alaska’). According to him, the presence of so many Asians and Pacific Islanders made her uncomfortable: “They were a minority type thing and it wasn’t glamorous, so she came home.”  Read more...

Chinky Or Not Chinky: Asians + Rice Farmers = Math Whizzes

  • August 25, 2009 6:31 am

asian-mathWhen Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers: The Story of Success came out last year, there was an outcry from some in the Asian American community over one of the chapters which made the argument that the reason why Asians are so good at math had to do with our history as rice farmers. Now, just hearing that out of context does make the statement sound ridiculous and possibly racist. But many of those who found fault with Gladwell’s thesis hadn’t actually read the book so their complaints were based on a superficial (mis)understanding of what Gladwell was trying to say.  Read more...