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The Postal Service and songs of high school love.

  • December 5, 2011 12:00 am

I derive a certain enjoyment out of extricating myself from my past. Wiping the board clean after a long session of whatever game may have been the order of the day, month, or even couple of years.

Ask me and often times I’ll tell you it’s like cutting a weight from you, releasing some anchor before it drowns you in the hungry memories it implies.

Sometimes, it’s a physical memento – an old shirt of theirs, a souvenir from some place you visited together – and others, it’s a turn of phrase you started adopting while you were with them.

But – at least in my case – there have always been songs.  Read more...

Try to R.I.P., Michael Jackson (the Rewrite)

  • October 11, 2011 3:46 am

This last month, I found myself doing something I never thought I’d be doing: feeling sympathy for Michael Jackson.

Jackson is a small part of my life – I co-own two bars in downtown Oakland, and whether my customer is a surly 45 year old ex-punker, or a sensitive 25 year old neo-folker – I can guarantee you one thing: they will both agree that Jackson’s early work is great.

No one doesn’t move to “You Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’.”  Read more...

My trip to a sex shop.

  • September 12, 2011 12:43 am

Ah, sex shops.  Depending on your mindset, those places can be real awkward to walk into.

Thousands of questions start up in my brain whenever I decide to visit.  What should you wear?  Should you shower?  Do you tell them you’re getting something for someone else?

Or maybe you just play it cool and this past weekend, I was actually able to do that – keep it cool – and as my luck would have it, even that wouldn’t spare me an awkward moment.

This place was nothing at all like the seedy-looking one pictured above.  It was pretty classy, in the middle of a town plaza, with one of those names that doesn’t sound dirty at all.  You wouldn’t be able to tell just from the outside that this place sells three-pronged vibrators.  Read more...

YOMYOMF HAIKU CORNER: Steve Jobs, I love you.

  • August 27, 2011 12:00 am

Mister Jobs leaving
Leaves a hole in the Apple
Of my iPod – sigh.

Honestly, I don’t know much about Steve Jobs.  The extent of my familiarity with him pales in comparison with his familiarity to black turtlenecks, but I know that he was pretty important to the company that makes iPods and I really like iPods so I guess that news of him leaving kinda sucks.

Does this mean the next iPods won’t look as cool?  Man, this is depressing.  Read more...

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Year – 2010-2011

  • July 9, 2011 12:00 am

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Year is a capsule of the year’s blogs with sarcastic commentary from Yours Truly (that’s me!).  If you’ve been busy and missed out on a couple of our daily gems, this is a perfect way to catch up.

This is a special edition because this will be the last What I Learned on YOMYOMF here on, well, YOMYOMF.  I’ve had lots of good memories – the handcuffs, the sulfuric acid, the anonymous letters – but now’s not the time to talk about personal matters.  In its place, there will be a new column that even I (Jerome) don’t know yet, but I imagine Simon has an inkling.

Enjoy this last year-encompassing recap.  And don’t worry: I don’t talk about Inception.

Much.

OUTDOORS WHILE ASIAN: PACK-OREXIA:

“PACK-OREXIA.  A disorder that makes me weigh every single piece of backpacking equipment I own.”

And here I was thinking that regular physical activity keeps the mind healthy – thank goodness for being lazy!  I love you, chair and ass indent.

FIRST MEMORY:

“Before I knew it, I ran towards the fence and started to do what I thought the older kids did to get to the other side.  Because it was my first time climbing a fence, the sensation was just plain strange (kinda like putting on a condom for the very first time).”

Isn’t putting on a condom kind of a strange sensation every time?  Just me?  Alright then.  Read more...

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – March 12 – 18, 2011

  • March 19, 2011 1:58 am

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week is a capsule of the week’s blogs with sarcastic commentary from Yours Truly (that’s me!).  If you’ve been busy and missed out on a couple of our daily gems, this is a perfect way to catch up.

But seriously – what was more important than reading YOMYOMF?

In the middle of March, we probe matters of supermoons; online dating temptations; and that one white racist at UCLA.

The female one.

With the boobies.

THE IPHONE HAS BROUGHT MY FAMILY TOGETHER:

“He’s right. My dad and I are playing with my newest toy and my new boyfriend, the iPhone. (I’ve named it ‘Prince Erik’ after the prince in Disney’s ‘The Little Mermaid‘. Really. Who needs a man when there’s an app for that?)”

Are you serious?  Because I really want to see a screencap of that iTunes screen.  My iPod is named “lulz.”

Yup, for once, no innuendo.

CONSPIRACY THEORY 101: WHAT REALLY CAUSED THE JAPANESE EARTHQUAKE?:

“SUPERMOON

On March 19, the moon will be the shortest distance from the Earth since 1992 (though the last true supermoon event was in 2005) and according to some, “the gravitational pull between the two will be so great that it will cause unpredictable events on Earth” i.e. earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and massive tidal waves that could lead to major destruction.”

The hardest thing to believe in that entire piece is that someone actually put that much effort into ‘shopping that photo.

Then again this is coming from the guy that wrote an entire article about the Backstreet Boys.  Read more...

COMMUNITY QUESTION: Is the Backstreet Boys’ “All I Have to Give” about enticing a woman to cheat?

  • March 7, 2011 9:50 pm

Ah, the nineties. Honestly, I’d rather forget them, but I sang enough songs in the car enough times that some of those lyrics will never, ever leave my brain.

If I hear even just the opening notes of a given pop tune, my brain will find a way to dredge up the accompanying lyrics and the entire pleasure center of my brain will become receptive only to singing them, accompanied or not by a group of impromptu back-up singers.

I don’t really listen to the radio anymore and my iPod space devotes itself to a constant cycle of new live Arcade Fire recordings so I don’t really hear any oldies on a regular basis.

That is until the other day, when my iPod shuffled up an errant Backstreet Boys song for my aural perusal.

I used to think this was a pretty romantic song, mind you, but this time, as I sang along again for the first time in months, I paid close attention to the lyrics.

Years ago, it seemed like an innocent enough plea for a woman to leave an uncaring boyfriend.  As the person who was never the boyfriend, I was very much pro-Backstreet Boys with this song back then.

But now, this song sounds more like a way to seduce a woman who’s already taken into having an affair.

Take a look at this:  Read more...

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – September 12 – 18, 2010

  • September 18, 2010 6:56 pm

I know, I know: when you read this column, it usually opens up with me bitching or complaining about something.  Well, let me save you the suspense and tell you now that this week’s content will be prefaced by a good ol’ round of complaining.  And I know that ‘bitching’ and ‘complaining’ are synonyms – I’m just being cheeky.

This week, I snuck in a morning show of The Town with my dear ol’ dad.  Seeing as this was, as I’ve said, a morning show. I figured we would run into a near empty theater.  I mean, we’re not talking about Inception.

To my genuine surprise, this first showing of the day was packed.  P-A-C-K-E-D, PACKED!  And with old people!  And just so that we’re on the same page, when I say ‘old people,’ I mean it looked like it was a nursing home field trip.

googled 'happy old people.'

So there we were, my pop and I, watching Don Draper kick some fucking ass when I start hearing a voice in my head.  Except it wasn’t one of the usual six.  No, this was an elderly female voice and she was very aptly warning me and the people around her when the movie was getting suspenseful by saying, “Uh-oh!” and “Watch out!” every time the music started to swell.

She also did a capable job of narrating everything that was going on onscreen.

So awesome.  And that was my friday.  Random note: watched Serenity for the first time and it was bloody fantastic.

This week in September, your favorite bloggers travel to the deep recesses of experience and write about cleaning belly buttons; the consequences of technology; and sex, Sesame Street-style.  Blame Phil for that last one.  I mean, really blame him.  Read more...

Suspended!

  • September 14, 2010 3:28 am

Hear ye, hear ye!  On only the second day of the first week of his first year in high school, my son Rafael got his ass suspended from school. 

He was always a precocious child.

I got home after work and my wife Linda, talking fast, her voice louder than usual, tells me before I can even shut the front door that Rafi’s home early because

“There was an incident.  Rafi got suspended today.  We already talked about it, and he knows he could’ve handled it differently.”

“Hold on, hold on,” I said,  putting my things down, “you’re giving me the verdict when I don’t even know what happened.”

Linda: “Vic bit him.  Look!”  Read more...

Tabula Rasa

  • August 11, 2010 3:59 am

Being that we are about a month out from the deadline for our short film contest, INTERPRETATIONS I wanted to share my memories from a summer art program I embarked on back in high school where it was an intense four weeks of “Interpretations” type art exercises that were ultimately enlightening though very humbling.  Read more...

Helping out the Big Boys

  • February 8, 2010 11:17 am

As much as I hate contributing to blatant promotions of multi-billion dollar corporations (I guess then I’m cool with subtle ones), I can’t help it when it comes to Super Bowl ads. I’ve been fascinated ever since I saw Apple’s one time only ‘Lemmings’ commercial as a kid.

And since I’m always up for anything Betty White, we’ll begin with her latest masterpiece:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3rsaneyeXY

Judging by the feedbacks, this year’s standout commercials were pretty much unanimous. Joining the Snickers spot are ones for Letterman…  Read more...

today’s confusion is tomorrow’s normal

  • January 28, 2010 2:41 pm

Every now and then I get really excited when I come across a piece of technology that confuses me. Confusing not because it’s difficult to use, but confusing because I can’t exactly figure out why it exists. I get even more excited when that mysterious technology is well-designed, fluid in function, and so original that perhaps it’s hinting at a future that has yet to fully materialize. This week I encountered two such mysteries. The first one is the website for this Sunday’s upcoming Grammy Awards. It has this gnarly, technological, algorithmic function where you upload your picture, color it, and plug in a few of your favorite bands and it instantly outputs a visual collage of links, videos, blogs, etc. all ghosted onto a dynamic mosaic of your pic.  Here’s mine.  If you look closely enough, you’ll see I’m a huge fan of euro techno pop as well as a bit of black man beat.  I can’t exactly figure it out just yet, but I get a sense that the web is going to evolve into something like this.  The TED site has a similar aesthetic (another site I love)  Click on my pic if you want to make one for yourself.  It’s kind of a trip.

cyber music Fan

The other piece of technology is the iPad.  All feminine hygiene jokes aside, I get an erie feeling that this thing is intended for a tomorrow that has yet to come into full swing.  I’m a life-long Apple user who rabidly uses my iPhone, MacBook Pro, Final Cut Pro, iPhoto, iTunes, iMovie, iCal, Safari, etc. everyday.  Even after a few hours of online study of the iPad, only 50% of me really understands it’s true purpose.  There something else I just can’t put my finger on, a greater intended use for this technology that isn’t written in the instruction manual…yet.  I guess only time will tell.  And though 50% of me is still a bit puzzled, I’m pretty sure that the mysterious purpose of the iPad is crystal clear in the mind of our techno savior, Steve Jobs.  We’ll see…  Read more...