For all you SPAM addicts out there, Mauna Loa have created a SPAM-flavored macadamia nut. I just spotted cans of them a few weeks ago in one of the snack shops at the international section of LAX. While there are some wacky flavored snacks out in the world from blueberry and hazelnut flavored Pringles to watermelon and salt-flavored Kit Kat, most of these flavors are at root, based on ingredients that exist in the natural world. Instead, SPAM is its own artificial creation and, possesses an unearthly taste and texture that barely evokes “spiced ham” despite what its moniker suggests. But it doesn’t matter. SPAM is just SPAM in our our minds. Just like vanilla, chocolate, and seaweed – SPAM has embedded itself into our subconscious to become its own specific flavor that is easy to recognize but difficult to describe.
It got me thinking about other tastes, smells, textures, and sensations that are intensely familiar but difficult to describe.
1. Umami: Everyone knows that umami is good but can’t describe what it really tastes like. It’s savory and I reckon it tastes like aromatic broth painstakingly distilled from a bounty of delicious sea creatures, seaweed, pork bone, beef marrow, wild mushrooms and a bunch of expensive Chinese herbs and berries. I suspect that if all the colors of the spectrum reflect white, then all the flavors known to human palate create umami. But umami seems to have entered into popular consciousness fairly recently or at least since the word ‘foodie’ has been appropriated by the masses. Yes – those awful masses who have turned something as elemental and primal as eating a good meal into some kind of sport or trend. But lest they forget umami is made of people! Or rather, MSG!!!
2. New Car Smell: We all know it and like it. Unlike fabric softeners and air fresheners, new car smell does not try to smell like the natural world – pine trees, ocean breezes, or spring flowers. NCS is what happens when fresh leather or velour, Scotch-guarded carpets and polished vinyl shower get dressed to impress. It’s authoritative (wow! new car smell), exciting (yeah, I’m in a new car!) and comforting (thank God! no nasty microbes or dust mites lingering). I should bottle this stuff, craft an ad campaign with androgynous models draped over a pair of velour bucket seats and sell some “NCS #5″ at Bloomingdales.
3. Mealy Fruit Texture: It’s that texture that makes you stop in your tracks when taking that first bite of any fruit with seeds or stones. Every ad you’ve seen and sense memory you’ve had of a crunchy apple, juicy watermelon, or syrupy pear is crushed when you realize you are biting into nothing but the mashed potato equivalent of fruit. You stop and much like what happens when you have zero chemistry with that guy/girl you were checking out, you realize that looks deceive and quickly move on to fresher fruit.
4. The “Kick”: Thanks to INCEPTION (ok Jerome, I guess I have to pick up the slack on the INCEPTION blogs), there is a term for that sensation when you jolt awake from a dream state. That jolt will rescue you when you’re inches from hitting the ground after falling off a skyscraper, seconds away from being a stabbed by some faceless menace, or ready to become a human chew toy for a pack of feral dogs. And, for the overachievers, the jolt will wake you if you find yourself back in your high school classroom and filled with dread when you realize that you forgot to study for that final exam. Oh the horror!!!!
What familiar yet indescribable tastes, smells, textures, or sensations have you experienced?
I’d be remiss not to address ‘the kick’ but I am more concerned about whether or not that first picture is real. Please, please, please tell me you just made that story up about seeing them in the wild. I mean there was a first time for peanut butter meeting chocolate, but spam and nuts – like that – is just wrong.
Okay, maybe just one.
I love SPAM!!! i love spam and rice, spam musubi, spam and pancakes, spam and sweet roll, spam and eggs, spam eggs and fried rice, spam and pineapple….
A macadamia nut that tastes like SPAM? Damn, is there no limit to what modern technology is capable of doing?
Jerome – SPAM on nuts is indeed real. Next time you head out of the country, you can make a stop at the snack store in International to collect your SPAM macadamias along with your neck pillow and People magazine.
Elaine, everyone knows I read OK!, not People.
Just kidding – I don’t know how to read.
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