LEE ANN

Lee Ann Kim is a dog, virgo, recovering television news journalist and boss lady of the San Diego Asian Film Festival. Among her many talents are barking like a chihuahua, doing the splits, and the ability to remember random lyrics to cheesy 80s songs. Hailing from the mean streets of Chicago (Downers Grove, IL to be exact), she’s known among Filipino gangstas as “Lizelle” and aspires to take over her father’s OBGYN practice. IUDs anyone?

And now a story to get you revved up for Asian Pacific American heritage month.

If the title got you to tune into this post, then perhaps there was something to my former TV station’s misguided efforts in selecting this topic to present as a legitimate news investigation. It’s called RATINGS. But for me, it was nothing more than one of those, “oh no you did-dent” moments.

Sex Secrets of the Orient? I could hardly believe my eyes when a fellow producer showed me the special reports lineup for the November sweeps month. (In TV lingo, “sweeps months” refer to February, May, and November when TV stations pull all the rabbits out of their collective hats to trick viewers into watching the news to boost ratings, and in-turn boost commercial rates).

The only way this could have been legit was if there was some pill or bottled potion called “Sex Secrets of the Orient” that we were going after. I could see us finding “victims” bilked out of hundreds of dollars trying to find the perfect organism in a bottle, exposing the naked truth, castigating the product, then busting down the doors of a local supplier (cameras rolling of course) to call out the scam.

BUT NO… there was no fake product. Even worse, there was no plan other than to give the assignment to a crusty, old, white male reporter who admitted to being culturally clueless.

Certainly, my news director, who was African American, would feel my pain – that pain that every self-aware minority experiences from ignorant people, and in particular for Asian American women, from ignorant MoFos who ask us to love-them-long-time because we’re “exotic.”

“Uh boss, can I talk to you about this Sex Secrets of the Orient report?” I asked. “I have a big problem with it.”

“Oh yeah,” he said, “What’s that?”

“Well, let’s start with the title. Look on any globe or map, and when you’re talking about a region or a people, it ‘s referred to as Asia,” I explained.”I find it to be inappropriate and offensive because…”

“No problem, we’ll change it to Sex Secrets of Asia,” he quickly responded, cutting me off.

I was so shocked that it broke my internal dam of diplomacy and angry tears began to well up in my increasingly swollen eyes.

Then, try as I might, I couldn’t hold back the emotional volcanic eruption, “That’s not the point!”

Good God, I lost my cool and probably would lose my cherished on-air broadcasting job, coveted by Asian women across America whose parents wanted them to follow in the footsteps of Connie Chung. But one thing about Koreans if you don’t know already – not only do we have bad tempers, we also don’t do anything half-ass. So if I was going to be insubordinate, well then, I’m going all the way.

“Why don’t you add another special report on Why All Black People Love Watermelon and Why All Mexicans are Illegal Landscapers,” I continued. By this time, I was crying while hyper-ventilating with snot running into my mouth, “BECAUSE THAT’S HOW OFFENSIVE THIS IS TO ME AND SHOULD BE TO YOU!”

Wide-eyed, my boss sat there silently, probably too afraid to say anything or move because: 1) he never heard an Asian woman lose it like that before, and/or 2) he was too scared that I would karate chop his neck, and/or 3) he knew I was right, and this was the most racist crap ever.

“And one more thing… if you move forward with this, not only will we be the laughing stock of the journalism industry, but I will quit.”

I walked out of that office with my head in a fog, makeup and snot running down my face. I could only think about how my mother would nag me for years about ruining my career, being blacklisted from the industry, and crap, I’d probably still have to pay my agent for the remainder of my contract. I was screwed.

To my absolute shock, I got a message an hour later that the report was dropped. No further discussion.

While it’s a small victory, I am proud to claim that I single-handedly saved OUR SECRET from being exposed to the non-Oriental world. Phew!

Read Lee Ann’s previous Guest Offender post here.