F*ck. Is there a tampon in me?
It’s a typical female question. It’s also a common problem. I am currently so stressed by work and other commitments, I have no idea if I stuck in a tampon and forgot to take the first one out.
I know what you’re thinking, “How can you forget you have a tampon in you????” Really folks, it’s easy. You have a purse full of these little plastic wrapped torpedos, you’re at work, you’ve got to make a phone call to Texas, you’re trying to do damage control for something that happened 2 states away, and just as you’re leaving the office to go down the hallway to use the bathroom (because you know you’re just bleeding through everything you own and if you don’t go now, you’ll be sitting in a puddle of your own bloody hell)… the phone rings for you and you ask the receptionist to put that person on hold or to entertain them or to distract them, you’ll be back in 2 minutes.
So you’re in the bathroom, place paper mat on toilet, you pee, oh shoot, pull the string out, is there a string? wait, no, I think I already pulled it out, stick a tampon in, (why is it so hard to get this tampon in?), throw the applicator away in special garbage can, clean up, wash hands, go back to toilet because you forgot to flush in your haste, run back to office and finish phone call.
And the entire time as you’re on the phone, you’re thinking, “Wait, did I pull out a tampon? I don’t remember????”
So you get home, go to the bathroom, and you wash your hands, and you grimace and take a deep breath, and with as much as your little fingers can do, you SEARCH inside your hoo hah for anything that feels foreign.
Gentlemen, it’s far from sexual.
You have blood all over you hands, and you keep hitting something (that after much wikiipedia-ing, you discover it is what they call your ‘cervix’ and you say, “OH, that’s what a cervix is!”) that apparently ISN’T a tampon… and after a few minutes, you give up.
Simply give up. You can’t ask your boyfriend to do this (as if HE knows what to look for), it’s just a cloud of red. You just hope that if something IS in there, it’ll find it’s way out; OR… you just schedule your annual pap smear for this week.
But in the meantime, you learned a lot by looking at these pictures of a cervix and realizing that wow, there’s a lot about your own va-jay-jay that you just don’t know.