Now if you don’t know, I’ve been dating the white meat since the new millennium began. As much as this may offend my fellow Offenders, it makes my mom quite happy. However, the real reason why I date white men…as of right now…. at this very moment… is… they complete the costume.
I’m looking for the perfect “Richard Heene” to add to my “Mayumi Heene” costume. I’ve been constructing the perfect “Balloon Boy Parents” costumes since Falcon Heene was found in a cardboard box in the attic. Mylar balloon, 3 marionette dolls to pose as children (1 that throws up on cue), and shirts that say, “We were on Wife Swap!” All I need now is an egotistical, self-indulgent, angry, kinda red-necky white guy with an updated bowl cut from the 1980′s.
How about the famous Yoko Ono and John Lennon? This costume would be cheap. The only thing required are small circular eyeglasses, one home-made necklace made from macaroni/penne pasta, and think of all the money you’ll save on bikini waxing!
Since I already have difficulty rounding up one SWM, this outfit might be harder. But if you’ve got a bunch of friends, send them over so I can complete the Euna Lee/Laura Ling/Hot Husband #1/Hot Husband #2 mix. This would be even better with friends to play Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Kim Jong-Il, a small confused happa-child, and a bowl of North Korean gulag rice with rocks in it. In fact, there’s so many people involved, maybe I’ll use this as a team costume for a 5k.
Knowing my luck though, the only participant I can get will probably go towards my old stand-by outfit: The Woody Allen. I’ve already mastered the Soon Yi look of complete disinterest.
Happy Halloween everybody!