Now if you don’t know, I’ve been dating the white meat since the new millennium began. As much as this may offend my fellow Offenders, it makes my mom quite happy. However, the real reason why I date white men…as of right now…. at this very moment… is… they complete the costume.
I’m looking for the perfect “Richard Heene” to add to my “Mayumi Heene” costume. I’ve been constructing the perfect “Balloon Boy Parents” costumes since Falcon Heene was found in a cardboard box in the attic. Mylar balloon, 3 marionette dolls to pose as children (1 that throws up on cue), and shirts that say, “We were on Wife Swap!” All I need now is an egotistical, self-indulgent, angry, kinda red-necky white guy with an updated bowl cut from the 1980′s.
How about the famous Yoko Ono and John Lennon? This costume would be cheap. The only thing required are small circular eyeglasses, one home-made necklace made from macaroni/penne pasta, and think of all the money you’ll save on bikini waxing!
This would be a perfect costume for Halloween at WeHo!
Since I already have difficulty rounding up one SWM, this outfit might be harder. But if you’ve got a bunch of friends, send them over so I can complete the Euna Lee/Laura Ling/Hot Husband #1/Hot Husband #2 mix. This would be even better with friends to play Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Kim Jong-Il, a small confused happa-child, and a bowl of North Korean gulag rice with rocks in it. In fact, there’s so many people involved, maybe I’ll use this as a team costume for a 5k.
Knowing my luck though, the only participant I can get will probably go towards my old stand-by outfit: The Woody Allen. I’ve already mastered the Soon Yi look of complete disinterest.
Happy Halloween everybody!
the only thing better than white meat…
is dark meat
j/k
Chatted up a Nisei 442nd veteran a couple years back, in Phoenix, at a JACL convention. Said his three kids, two girls and a guy, I think, had all married out.
Conversation started because we were performing the Camp Dance show — oh shameless plug for the Grateful Crane at JANM, 11/7 & 8, three shows at the Demo Center, only — and how our peeps wouldn’t have been allowed in the front door of this gross golf/resort/Disneyland gone mad with fake rocks and a fake lake and stream sort of place called the Wild Horse Pass Resort, which I called the Wild Ass Horse Resort, not too long ago in the day. OK, we would’ve taken great care of the greens, while the Indians took care of the laundry, etc. But now it’s very democratic and welcoming. You have the shekels, welcome.
Anyway, I say to this gentleman, “They all married white folks?” He replied in the affirmative.
I said “We’re breeding ourselves out of existance.” He agreed. With a shrug.
Why can’t there be any NORMAL AF WM couples!?
Asian parents aren’t doing a good job at raising asian girls as they’re obviously growing up hating on themselves and everything asian which is why they are so eager to get with white boys and pay for their every need. Piece in the Middle Yeast!
There have been many rumors and speculations that famous songs
actually contain subliminal messages. The lenses of
the Lennon specs are circular and are positioned relatively close to each other, a
style that looks particularly good on people with diamond- or oval-shaped faces.
Eric was one of the first guitar players to popularize the Vox Wah Wah pedal,
which was heard on “Tales of Brave Ulysses”,
from “Disraeli Gears”, and “White Room”, from the studio disc of the
two-record set, “Wheels of Fire”.