My cat.

He was 47.  I had met him in a bar.  It was at least a semi-respectable bar that had a post-graduate crowd of mostly-employed.

We had gone on one date.  It was a straight-forward dinner date that costed a lot of money.  In the hundreds.  Plural.  I felt guilty.  I felt like I shoulda slept with him, or at least had given him an ‘E’ for effort.  In any case, the only thing I gave him was a good night kiss on the cheek.

About a week later, I get a text from him.

HIM: miss me?

(Truthfully, no.  We had gone on one date… and it wasn’t like we blew each other’s minds.)

ME: depends. who’s this again? >:)

HIM: i come back wed (he was in Hawaii) but miss you.

(“Miss you” is one of those sayings I find difficult to say unless I mean it. It’s almost the equivalent of someone saying, “I love you” and all I can say is, “Aw, you’re cute.”)

ME: really? u barely know me. i’ve been harming small dogs from ashbury heights. still miss me?  (This is a reference to his dog, which we spoke about during our date.)

HIM: betta not b tru.

ME: My cat can beat up your dog.

(Pause.)

HIM: no luve pussy.

(??? Is there a double entendre there?  I’ve sexted before, but my, this is early.  But okay, I’ll play along.)

ME: Heh heh. Let’s see if we can change that.

HIM: No its a fact.

(??? Okay. Well, maybe he hates cats.  I should just make sure.)

ME: Um, what kind of pussy are you talking about?

HIM: Your pussy.

(??? Okay. He hates cats.  I think?  Are we using the word ‘pussy’ in casual conversation?  In OTHER kinds of conversation, it’s a GREAT word -even encouraged!! trust me- but somehow right now, this feels… a little like a dad calling his daughter a ‘good little whore’.  The words are too hot.  And my cat btw… is a cat.)

ME: disturbing. you might be missing out.

I intended it as a double entendre.  I suppose tone is difficult to convey in text messages.  I then took a picture of my cat and sent it.  And I mean, cat.