“Respect your pleasures,” the chef sagely nodded and then drifted away into the crowded Mexican/Armenian/Russian market.

I was standing in front of the cheese deli case. Machengo, Reggiano, Asiago, Feta… they all called to me like a lifeboat and I was haplessly swimming towards them, and they, in turn, kept floating farther and farther away.

I am on a diet. (Insert several curse words here.)

I am not fat by any means. I live an incredibly active lifestyle that includes various romps in the mud and lots of running in the rain. But at the same time, I am filipino and therefore I do truly believe that a good breakfast can mean, “Rice, scrambled eggs, ketchup, and lots of delicious crispy-fried Spam”. And if not Spam, Longanisa. And if not Longanisa, some Tocino, or how about deep-fried Bangus? And if the pantry is empty, I see nothing wrong with having freshly steamed rice with a freshly opened can of Pork and Beans.

All of that is DELICIOUS to me. My non-filipino friends will turn their noses up on that stuff, but hey, you all really DON’T know the pleasure of Kraft Pasteurized Cheese from the blue can, do you?!?! (Trust me, it’s GOOD!)

So since I’m part of this new-fangled “calisthenics for the new millennium” called Crossfit (and honestly, I’m only doing it because it’s 5 minutes from my house), I have signed up for this 8 week challenge called the Whole Life Challenge. It’s an online game where you get points for 1)working out 2) stretching 3) fish oil (weird but true), and 4) paleo diet.

Essentially, I eat a paleo diet for 8 weeks. I’m not a fan of these ‘change your life diet’ diets -although I will say that I highly respect the South Beach diet craze of the late 2000s… everything except their fanatical use of sugar subsitutes, but I digress again- but heck, make it a game and I’m… game. So I get 3 points a day if I eat paleo all day; I lose a point every time I say “F u, I’m eating this cheesecake slice”.

So no sugar (except from whole fruit), no grains, no alcohol, no dairy, no freaking FUN!

I just want to clean up my taste buds, nothing big. Not to lose weight, just to learn healthier habits. BUT being on this diet has made me premensturally cranky. Can’t chew gum when I run because that has sucrolose. Can’t drink a glass of red wine with my friends because that’s forbidden. Can’t eat that delicious slice of asiago bagel because it’s a starch AND a dairy!

I know I know. It’s always hard the first few weeks. Changing your life is hard. Blah blah blah blah. But coming from a background where eating is pleasurable, this has given my joy a big black eye.

‘Respect your pleasure,’ said the little italian chef to me as he walked away, leaving me at the cheese counter. Respect…

So I respected my pleasure and went to my local filipino bakery, ate an empanada, went home and drank a glass of white wine.

Diet can start tomorrow. (Again.)