Calling this a “diamond” would be an insult, because it’s not. The closest thing I could find in this long winded ad to the definition of what the “Stauer DiamondAura” actually is, is this:
“…heating rare minerals to temperatures of nearly 5000 degrees Fahrenheit.”
Rare minerals, hmm? Copper? Magnesium? Pewter? Lead? Arsenic? I’m sure it’s all perfectly safe and healthy and won’t eventually leave weird little green and orange rust marks on your fingers, or give you lymphatic cancer.
Let’s not lose sight of the important things: “You can absolutely take her breath away for under $100.” Classier than punching her in the gut and cheaper than skydiving lessons.
And check this out: that $99 price tag is down from the already low, low price of $295, which they somehow had time to print up – and then cross out – before publishing!
Basically, you can’t afford NOT to buy this ring! Even if you haven’t found that special someone yet, you just might one day, and with this ring, you’d be ahead of the game; unless, of course, she throws the cheap thing on the ground and spits in your face.
But the future is unknown, so let’s not worry about it yet. And if you think about it, you’re getting “sparkle, fire and flawless beauty” for less than the cost of a decent dinner for two.
Plus you don’t have to weigh your conscious down with the moral ambiguities of buying her real “blood diamonds.”
(I thought of that – the blood diamond thing – and frankly, think I should be paid by Stauer to use it in their next batch of copy. Don-f*!@ing-Draper ad genius, I am!)
But at the end of the day, the basic question is, do you really want to start off your married life with something that is “romantically defective?”
Something like a “skimpy” real 1-carat diamond? Aren’t relationships hard enough already? As the ad says, “Have you overpaid only to be underwhelmed? Send it back. You can do better. You can do bigger.” Way bigger: we’re talking a solid 2-1/2 carats of super heated minerals bigger!
And, really, what have you got to lose? Like any quality item you may purchase for the love of your life, you have 30 days to return it for a full refund. Plus – plus – they’re throwing in a pair of 1-carat DiamondAura studs in sterling silver…absolutely FREE.
Gentlemen, as the ad clearly states, “’Experts’ warn that millions of real diamond rings might be ‘romantically defective.’” Do you really want to ignore the experts? I know I don’t. Not for $99 plus shipping and handling.