I’m obsessed with the Jodi Arias trial. I’m fascinated by how many layers of lies she’s told, and how more amazingly, she really believes what she’s said (even though she’s changed her story three times). Now whether she’s guilty or not, some people on the internet say she might be, just MIGHT be, a sociopath.

And the more I thought about it, hey, I KNOW a sociopath!!!

It all makes so much sense!

You see, one of my duties at my old corporate job was to verify paperwork and follow up on any complaints from clients. I had one particular colleague -let’s call her Lydia- whose paperwork was always a mess. It was never turned in on time and I was always chasing after her for it. She would say, “Oh, I already turned it in to Janney.” I would go to Janney. “She never turned anything in to me! I keep asking her for it!” an exasperated Janney would say to me. I would go back to Lydia. “No, I turned it to Janney. Janney must have lost it.” (Sociopath Trait #1 and 2: IRRESPONSIBILITY and FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS!)

While following up on such paperwork, another colleague was told by a client that they had never signed such paperwork on that day. Upon further investigation, we realized that the ink seemed to be different. Where the client should have signed and initialed away, the ink was blue as opposed to the black ink used everywhere else in the contract. Now, perhaps there were two pens used that day (that’s always a plausible argument) but when we questioned Lydia why the ink was blue, she looked at the contract and said, “No, the ink isn’t blue.” “But Lydia, the ink IS blue.” “No.” We all -there were 3 other people in the room- looked at the paperwork and looked back at Lydia and said, “But the ink IS blue.” Lydia looked at us innocently and said, “No, it’s not.” We concluded she must be colorblind. (But maybe, just maybe, she was showing Sociopath Trait #2 -again- and 3: FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS and PATHOLOGICAL LYING!)

And strangely enough, while talking to another client of Lydia’s, the client complained that she couldn’t figure out her representative’s name. The client annoyed and tried to the ends of her patience said to me, “Sometimes she goes by Lydia, but her voicemail says she’s Melvina, I don’t know anymore.” I looked at Lydia’s paperwork. I called Lydia into the office. “Lydia,” I began while scanning the paper, “Why did you print you name ‘Lydia’ here, “I indicated the line, “But signed your name ‘Melvina’ here?” “Oh,” she looked at me as if I was a stupid hamster, “Melvina is my middle name.” “Lydia,” I began again, “You can’t be changing your name in FRONT of your clients, it confuses them.” “Oh, (that client) is stupid anyway. I’ve talked to her several times. She’s crazy,” Lydia shrugged carelessly and tried to exit the room. (Sociopath Trait #3, 4, 5: PATHOLOGICAL LYING, GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM, GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH, LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT… alert alert! Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson!)

“Lydia,” my colleague who shares the office with me, “You can’t do that. There could be legal repercussions.” Lydia breaks into tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll be better! I won’t do it again! Never again.” After a few minutes of intense sobbing and repeated promises and some coddling from another officemate, she left the room. We heard her laughing merrily outside the room as if nothing ever happened. (Sociopath Trait #6,000: FUCK IT, SHE’S JUST A CRAZY ASS BITCH!!!!!)

The problem is, Lydia is an incredibly polished woman who is equally charismatic. She’s climbed pretty high on the corporate ladder, but everyone knows she’s a bit.. off. And just like Jodi Arias.. people must… date… her.

(Just don’t ask her to sign any paperwork.)