Yesterday, Psychology Today posted a blog on its site entitled “Why are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?” Written by evolutionary psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa and based on his research, he came to the “objective” conclusion that “black women are significantly less physically attractive than women of other races.” Not surprisingly (unless you spend your days burning crosses in a white hood or work as editors of Psychology Today), the piece was met with immediate outrage and was taken down less than a day later (though you can read it in its entirety here).

Now, I want all the beautiful Black ladies reading this (and I know there are a lot of you) to know that I too am outraged by this article; especially as an Asian American male because we share many similarities when it comes to this issue of “physical attractiveness,” which I’ll expand on in a moment. But first, a quick overview of Kanazawa’s study.

Kanazawa throws around a lot of fancy-sounding terms like “factor analysis” to describe how he got his results. I don’t know what any of that means but it sounds all scientific and official so I’m sure it’s bullshit, but I’ll let others more knowledgeable than me attack him on that. All I know is that through whatever methods, he has reached the conclusion that Black women are “significantly” less attractive than everyone else in existence. But he takes it further and points out that Black women are also delusional and think of themselves as all that when they’re not:

“It is very interesting to note that, even though black women are objectively less physically attractive than other women, black women…subjectively consider themselves to be far more physically attractive than others.”

Then, being the diligent scientist that he is, Kanazawa continues to examine why Black women are so unattractive. Could it be the “fact” that they are “heavier” weight-wise than other women? No, he doesn’t think this is it. Could it have something to do with the “race difference in intelligence”? Again, the answer would be no though if anyone knows what that term even means, I’d like an explanation. Could it be because Blacks have higher “mutation loads”? Again, I have no idea what the fuck that is unless it’s some zombie fetish porn term, but again, another no. It’s…well, I think it’s much better if I let the good doctor tell it in his own words:

“The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone. Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races, and testosterone, being an androgen (male hormone), affects the physical attractiveness of men and women differently. Men with higher levels of testosterone have more masculine features and are therefore more physically attractive. In contrast, women with higher levels of testosterone also have more masculine features and are therefore less physically attractive. The race differences in the level of testosterone can therefore potentially explain why black women are less physically attractive than women of other races, while (net of intelligence) black men are more physically attractive than men of other races.”

Yup, Black women are less attractive than other women because they’re too fucking manly! Of course, there’s no proof offered for this, but hey, it’s gotta be true ‘cause it’s in Psychology Today. Heil, Psychology Today!

But Kanazawa’s “conclusion” helps make a point I’ve always felt was true—that Asian American men and African American women have a lot in common in this regard. We’re both often cast as the unattractive group while our gender counterparts are hyper-sexualized and therefore made to be more desirable to white folks (Asian women as the exotic geishas and Black men as the virile studs with big dicks). I’ve heard plenty of talk from Black women about how their men are selling out for some white pussy that sounds eerily similar to how some Asian guys talk about how our women do the same for white dick. So it’s a little troubling that this study comes from a fellow Asian dude (who obviously has yet to succumb to some Jungle Fever).

As for me? Because I’m so disturbed by this article, I feel I must do my part to correct the wrong that Kanazawa, a fellow Asian man, has inflicted on the world. Last Friday, I blogged about how because the world is coming to an end on Saturday, I will be spending the last days of our existence having sex with as many women as possible. Now, I think there’s something wrong with my phone and email because I haven’t heard from any of the women I’ve asked to participate in my plan, but regardless, I vow to also make a special effort to make sweet love to all the sexy Nubian princesses (a.k.a. Black chicks) to remind them how beautiful they really are.

Yup, for the rest of this week, I will make a concerted effort to get more Black ass than the toilets in the women’s restroom of the Apollo Theater. In fact, I already feel a severe case of Jungle Fever coming on and I’m about to lose control and I think I like it. Or to paraphrase my man Shaft: It will be my duty to please that chocolate booty. Because clearly, Black women are too unattractive to get any play otherwise, right? I mean just look at her:

Or her:

Or this homely creature: