Do I have depression?  Maybe.

I was rewatching Home Alone the other day for God only knows what reason.  Did you know the guy who directed that was the same guy who did the first two Harry Potter movies?

Man, my attention span needs work.  In my defense, there was a Black Friday deal on the Blu-Ray set and that’s the only reason I own it.

Oh God – I can’t believe I copped to owning it.  Anyway, this movie was a huge part of my childhood.

I would curl up on our old couch and watch it right after my homework, all the time.  I thoroughly related to the main white kid’s feelings of being slighted by his parents (although, of course, in the end, he finds that they love him).

My guess for my own motivations was that going back and rewatching the movie would be a good way to reconnect to my younger self, the one more innocent, less cynical.

Unfortunately, for most of the runtime my current cynicism was winning out.

Every time I rolled my eyes at a moment that used to make me laugh and be happy, a part of me died.  The film had not aged well, but so had my ability to appreciate fare like this for what it was.

Does being an adult really mean being such a dick?  A veritable library of snide remarks to make practically apparated in my head as I watched.

“I’m gonna be well-equipped the next time one of my peers decides to have an ironic viewing party of this movie,” I told myself.  ”So well-equipped.”

But hey!  I didn’t make you read this to discover about my grappling with adulthood.  You’re here to read about my obsession with mortality.

So there’s this one character in Home Alone, fairly prominent, that is played by an old man:

And when I saw him, I could only think of one thing: “That guy is probably dead now.”

The movie came out in 1990.  It’s been almost 21 years since then.

The possibility is pretty significant.

Again, nothing new here – no life-changing observation – but for me, somehow, this idea crystalized a lot of my thoughts about mortality and how long I have to live.

Then I got really sad.

Just because I watched Home Alone.  I should never have rewatched Home Alone.

This never would have happened with RoboCop.