YOMYOMF’s Summer Blockbuster Showdown — DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES!

APEYOMYOMF's Summer Blockbuster Showdown Part 5-01

Select Offenders will be reviewing this summer’s crop of Hollywood tentpole films with a scientifically tested set of criteria that was vetted, nurtured, dissected and regurgitated through the pop-culture gadflies who have nothing better to do than annoy other productive people in the YOMYOMF office. So, we channeled their nitpicks of the incessant reboots, remakes and rehashes that are part and parcel with Hollywood summer movies into this ongoing summer blog series called the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SHOWDOWN. You can read previous roundtable reviews, which are all archived here

In this edition, we review DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES! BTW, this roundtable review is chock full of spoilers. You’ve been warned!  

Creepy Shower Head Girlfriend

19-year-old Kiyuu Oikawa recently posted a blog about finding an original way to show his love for his girlfriend and the blog quickly became the most viewed on Sina Weibo aka China’s largest social media site. But before you assume the post’s popularity is due to a romantic or sweet gesture on this man’s part, you should know that what the dude actually did was make this:

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It’s a shower head modeled after his girlfriend’s face.

Let’s take a closer look at this, shall we?

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I don’t know about you, but here’s what I’ll say about this: HOLY SHIT! THAT IS CREEPY AS FUCK!

Around the Horn: Planetary Edition

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If you have to pick a planet to visit, which would it be? I’ve always been fascinated by Saturn because it has rings. Unfortunately, it’s mostly a gas planet so I don’t even think you can land on Saturn. But it’s absolutely beautiful and fascinating. Which planet fascinates you other than Earth?

DHH: Since this question assumes technological advances far beyond those currently available, I would want to visit one of those planets theoretically capable of sustaining human-like life. Gliese 667Cc is only 22 light years away, so that seems reasonable, right? Of course, if I did end up finding myself an immigrant alien, the inhabitants of Gliese 667Cc would probably kill me or dissect me or put me in a zoo or something, but it’d be interesting.

The Obligatory Jeremy Lin Lakers Blog

If you’re Asian American and spend time on the internet (i.e. everyone reading this blog), then you already know Jeremy Lin will soon come to L.A. as a Laker.

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And…well…yeah…that’s about it. I really have nothing to add to this topic that hasn’t already been said over and over and over again since word broke Friday, but figured I should blog about it in some way ‘cause it seems like every Asian American online is required to acknowledge this news or lose their membership in the Asian American club community.

SAF Seeking… The Path Not Taken

No, not spam and eggs... SPERM and eggs!!

No, not spam and eggs… SPERM and eggs!!

I had braced myself for a hit. A slap. I opened my eyes. He had sat there staring forward out the front window shield, his hand lightly resting on the driver’s wheel while his mouth hung slack-jawed. It was 10pm at night and we had been sitting in his parked car outside the Fox Theatre in Oakland.

That’s how I remember him when I uttered “I’m pregnant,” to him as fast as I could before my courage waned and before he had to get back on stage.

We agreed to talk about it later when he had time to think about it.

*****

Wow.

So the Simian Flu Killed All the Asians?

Some of my fellow Offenders will be blogging about the new Dawn of the Planet of the Apes for the YOMYOMF Summer Blockbuster Showdown in a few days, but I have a question regarding the movie to throw out there in the meantime: what happened to all the Asians?

'Dawn's' humans.

‘Dawn’s’ humans.

The story is set in San Francisco—a city that was 58.4% Asian as of 2012 and increasing—so it’s odd that the only Asian face I can recall seeing was some Frank Chin-looking dude standing behind the main characters when the apes first come to visit the human settlement:

The Day I Left My 20s

Chinese Opera Singer William Lau, Justin Lin, me, and Composer Steven Pranoto at the Toronto International Film Festival premiering the first feature we made before turning 30

Chinese Opera Singer William Lau, Justin Lin, me, and Composer Steven Pranoto at the Toronto International Film Festival premiering the first feature we made before turning 30

I am a late bloomer, and hence I experience many things just a tad bit later in life. I clearly remember the day I left my 20s when I was 33. I went clubbing with a bunch of friends in Vancouver. At the wee hours that Sunday morning, A. invited me to go back to his place to hang out.

Kicking Out The Homeless: Why I’m Kinda Okay With This

In the city where I live, there is a spit of land by the shoreline where people take their dogs on walks, let their children get their feet wet, and where an estimated 30 homeless people are living.

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Just this week, the city reached a settlement with the homeless, agreeing to pay each of them $3000 in return for a promise that they leave and not return to the property, which is owned by the city.

The legal issue is federal and state disability laws and Fourth Amendment property protections (which include shopping carts filled with stuff), versus the city’s “anti-camping” ordinance, the city’s way to prevent the homeless from squatting.

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5 Actors Besides Ashton Kutcher Who’ve Donned Brown Face to Play a South Asian

Ashton Kutcher stirred up controversy a couple of years ago when he appeared in an ad for Popchips looking like this:

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But apparently the backlash from donning brown face to play a Bollywood producer in a TV commercial wasn’t enough to deter Kutcher from doing it again. Over the holiday weekend, Kutcher once again slapped on the brown face and Indian garb to perform a Bollywood-style dance number at the Italian wedding of a Google senior executive.

Now, obviously this incident is different from Kutcher’s first offense as this took place at a private event and not a public forum, but Kutcher of all people should know that in this age of social media, nothing is truly “private”. But the former That 70s Show star isn’t the only who’s gone the brown face/South Asian route. Here are five others:

Is It Art?

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Hmm.  Okay.  A dorm room fridge with a Black Flag sticker on it.

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Well, let’s see….

…it’s in a museum.

…it’s in a nice plexiglass box.

…a label describes the piece (Kaz Oshiro, “Small Fridge #5 (Black Flag)”, acrylic, bondo, canvas, 2005)

So, yes, it must be art…right?