SAF Seeking… A reason to believe in a god

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“His organs are shutting down.”

I stare at the text. It’s 830am and I’m packing to get on the road for a 6pm go-time of a long-anticipated wedding way up in the California foothills.

Leonardo is dying. It’s been just a little over a year since his Stage IV cancer was diagnosed. Honestly, I thought he was going to beat it. He increased his positivity and prayer and looked on no side that boded ill. If you doubted him, you were against him and he was going to prove you wrong.

Has Anyone Seen a 1 Ton Rubber Duck?

Some of you may have heard that a giant 59-foot rubber duck weighing 1 ton created by Dutch artist Florentijin Hofman has been floating around the globe this past year. Despite hitting some snags, including mysteriously exploding during a visit to a Taiwanese port last December, the rubber duck has been holding up pretty well considering it’s a friggin’ rubber duck.

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But all that changed last week as the duck was making its way down China’s Nanming River and a torrential flood washed it away. As of today, the duck has yet to be found so if anyone in southwest China comes upon an 18 meter tall giant duck, please let the local authorities know, won’t you? Do it for the children or at least…uh…whatever Ernie is supposed to be:

6 Times When it’s OK for White People to Don Yellow Face

Apparently, there’s a new production of Gilbert & Sullivan’s musical The Mikado up in Seattle (produced by the Seattle Gilbert & Sullivan Society) that’s rankled some in the community for its “yellow face” casting—all 40 Japanese characters in the show are played by 38 white actors and 2 Latinos in full-on “Oriental” mode.

Seattle Gilbert & Sullivan Society's THE MIKADO

Seattle Gilbert & Sullivan Society’s THE MIKADO

In general, it’s almost never OK to do yellow face so if you’re a non-Asian and you’re considering following in the footsteps of the Seattle Gilbert & Sullivan Society, fuck you just don’t do it. But like all rules, there are a few exceptions and here they are:

1) IF YOU’RE ACTUALLY SATIRIZING OR MAKING FUN OF THE PRACTICE OF YELLOW FACE AND/OR THE IDIOTS BEHIND IT

tumblr_m34jweWjdg1qcnueyo1_500As a general rule, if you wouldn’t put a white actor in black face in any particular situation, you shouldn’t be OK with putting them in yellow face. However, I can think of at least two recent examples where the use of black face was justified—on a couple of episodes of the NBC series 30 Rock and the Ben Stiller flick Tropic Thunder. In both instances, white actors donned black face but it was to point out the absurdity of the white characters who were doing it in the first place (yes, it’s all very meta). So if you want to do a play or film poking fun at a clueless white theater company in an otherwise diverse city that chooses to put on a production of a play set in Asia with a white cast in yellow face, then this would be OK.

Door Signs

My husband politely asked me if I could suggest a pleasant door sign.

“My boss said that my door’s the only one in our department that’s closed, so I’d like people to know that they’re welcome to knock and come in, even if the door’s closed.”

“I’ll try to think of some signs for you,” I said.

I printed these out for him.

The Great KFC Anti-Phil Conspiracy

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Damnit, I’m just a red-blooded American man and as such occasionally I feel the need …the need for some KFC original recipe chicken and biscuits. Which is why what I am about to share with you is so disturbing. Up until very recently, there were three—count them three—KFC locations within a short distance from my home in the Los Feliz/Silver Lake area. Now, there are zero.

I repeat—zero.

The KFC on Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood—CLOSED:

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The KFC on Virgil—CLOSED:

Meeting Jello Biafra

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He was standing against the wall, beer in hand, talking to a much younger blonde woman.  But it was getting late, and I was tired – if I wanted that autograph, I had to make my move.

Jello Biafra (former front man for the Dead Kennedys, political prankster and activist, founder of Alternative Tentacles Records, and all around punk rock royalty) was DJ-ing at my little dive bar, The Ruby Room, and I had vowed I would get the man to sign a couple of records.  I felt okay about this: after all, I had restrained myself from bringing ALL six of the LP’s I own, not to mention the handful of 45’s.

Jello’s work mattered to me.  Still does.

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YOMYOMF’s Summer Blockbuster Showdown — DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES!

APEYOMYOMF's Summer Blockbuster Showdown Part 5-01

Select Offenders will be reviewing this summer’s crop of Hollywood tentpole films with a scientifically tested set of criteria that was vetted, nurtured, dissected and regurgitated through the pop-culture gadflies who have nothing better to do than annoy other productive people in the YOMYOMF office. So, we channeled their nitpicks of the incessant reboots, remakes and rehashes that are part and parcel with Hollywood summer movies into this ongoing summer blog series called the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SHOWDOWN. You can read previous roundtable reviews, which are all archived here

In this edition, we review DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES! BTW, this roundtable review is chock full of spoilers. You’ve been warned!  

Creepy Shower Head Girlfriend

19-year-old Kiyuu Oikawa recently posted a blog about finding an original way to show his love for his girlfriend and the blog quickly became the most viewed on Sina Weibo aka China’s largest social media site. But before you assume the post’s popularity is due to a romantic or sweet gesture on this man’s part, you should know that what the dude actually did was make this:

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It’s a shower head modeled after his girlfriend’s face.

Let’s take a closer look at this, shall we?

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I don’t know about you, but here’s what I’ll say about this: HOLY SHIT! THAT IS CREEPY AS FUCK!

Around the Horn: Planetary Edition

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If you have to pick a planet to visit, which would it be? I’ve always been fascinated by Saturn because it has rings. Unfortunately, it’s mostly a gas planet so I don’t even think you can land on Saturn. But it’s absolutely beautiful and fascinating. Which planet fascinates you other than Earth?

DHH: Since this question assumes technological advances far beyond those currently available, I would want to visit one of those planets theoretically capable of sustaining human-like life. Gliese 667Cc is only 22 light years away, so that seems reasonable, right? Of course, if I did end up finding myself an immigrant alien, the inhabitants of Gliese 667Cc would probably kill me or dissect me or put me in a zoo or something, but it’d be interesting.

The Obligatory Jeremy Lin Lakers Blog

If you’re Asian American and spend time on the internet (i.e. everyone reading this blog), then you already know Jeremy Lin will soon come to L.A. as a Laker.

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And…well…yeah…that’s about it. I really have nothing to add to this topic that hasn’t already been said over and over and over again since word broke Friday, but figured I should blog about it in some way ‘cause it seems like every Asian American online is required to acknowledge this news or lose their membership in the Asian American club community.