I saw this vanity license plate the other day:

EVRI1 “heart” ME

I don’t know why “EVRI1 ‘heart’ ME” got on my nerves so much (actually, I do).  But before I get to that, let’s first check out some other vanity plates.

There must’ve been a serious run on this one in 2007.  Here’s the guy who got their first.

…and here’s the guy who get there eighteenth…

….this next one gets straight to the point.  But it does put enormous pressure on the driver.

…seriously, even if you’re driving a convertible (and it took me about five minutes to figure this out), if you don’t deliver with some exposed breasts, you’re gonna have a helluva lot of angry folks to deal with.  Out there on the streets, most of us don’t have five minutes to ponder double meanings.  We want tits, and we want ‘em now.

If you really wanna raise the stakes, there’s this:

….I don’t usually associate bukkake with Canada.  I think of the Canadians as more serene, less kinky.  Am I wrong?  Or does “bukkake” mean something entirely different in Canadian-French or whatever it is they speak up there?

…I happen to regard this next body part as strictly an exit, not an entrance, but I’m a bit of a Canadian prude on that score…

…this next one – it’s probably illegal installed this way – but it’s sheer genius.   Bravo “370H55V!!!”

…on the topic of our privates, here’s what someone from our eleventh state came up with…

…and here’s the guy or girl (I’d actually be interested to know which gender) who thought of it second…

Okay, back to

EVRI1 “heart” ME

Everyone love me.

Two interpretations:

1. This person is stating what to them is a fact.  Everyone loves me.  Period.  That’s just how it is.

If that interpretation is correct, then their aggressive arrogance galls me.  I’ve always been taught to bury your aggressive arrogance beneath a veneer of Canadian false modesty.

2. Or – or – this person is imploring us to love them.  Please love me!  I crave your love!  Pleeeeease!  This kind of neediness, this groveling for acceptance and affection, gets under my skin precisely because I happen to have this exact character flaw.  I’m the type who will smile at an off color joke just to win the approval of the joke teller.  Did you hear the one about the Canadian bukkake champion?  No, but please, do go on!

Here are a few more gems:

…self deprecation, when done well, is always in good taste…

…I believe they’re called “chubby chasers” in the fetish literature…

…fine, but it might be dated in a few years…

…least you know what you’re getting….

…wow, a seriously f&%ked up sense of humor!

…similar theme, though not quite as un-Canadian dark…if this is Seinfeld-esque, the one above is Curb Your Enthusiasm-ish.

…look!  a meta-vanity-plate!

…and my favorite of all…

…wonder if they have kids…and I wonder how cops treat them…I bet they get breathalyzed for expired registration stickers and illegal U-turns.   That’s balls.