I debated whether or not I should write this blog, mainly because what you are about to read is potentially the most amazing and monumental thing that could happen and I was afraid of jinxing it. It’s like Christmas, my birthday and the day I saw my very first live boob all rolled up in one. Anything this awesomely phenomenal always runs the risk of turning out badly, but in the end, that’s a risk I’m willing to take. Because I have a feeling that the worst possible outcome of the situation I now find myself in will probably still be pretty cool.

You see…today my life has now officially become the set-up for the best porn flick ever! Here’s what happened:

My tenants who lived next door moved out at the end of last year after their lease ended. I found new tenants to move in on the first of this year, but soon realized there was a problem. They kept pushing back the move-in date and with it the security deposit and first month’s rent that was supposed to be in my hands weeks ago. It soon became apparent that they didn’t have the money and I was wasting my time. By this time, weeks had passed and the thought of searching for someone else to move in from scratch and the lost rental income didn’t leave me feeling positive.

But as they say…when God closes a door, He (or She) opens a window.

So this past Sunday, my parents come over and they’re helping me do some fix-up work on the vacant unit when a young couple stop by and ask if the place is for rent.

“Why, yes it is,” I reply.

They say that they’re interested in renting the place and can move in immediately. So far, so good. The next morning, I have my agent send them the application papers; they get filled out and returned. The credit check is positive. Their references check out. Looks like I’ve found my new tenants. But here’s the most awesome part:

This couple is not renting the place for themselves. It turns out they work at a modeling agency and many of their models are from Europe so they want a house the models can stay at when they come to L.A. to work.

So let me get this straight—basically a rotating line-up of super hot European models are going to be living next to me for at least the next year?!

Just to make sure this isn’t some practical joke, I do some research on this particular modeling agency and it turns out they are legit (looks like their clients do a lot of work for Vogue and Louis Vuitton) and the women are indeed smoking hot.

These are the times when I have no doubt at all that there is a God and He (or She) is a kind and loving God.

Now, this alone is enough to qualify my life as a set-up for a porn flick. I can already picture the scene: I’m at my computer, focused and working hard on writing another brilliant YOMYOMF blog when my doorbell rings. I open my door to see Inga, the German model, holding an empty mug:

“Yah, I’m sorry to bother you,” Inga says in her sexy and slightly mannish Aryan accent. “But I’m fresh out of Berliner weisse. Do you have some I can borrow?” (Note to self: make sure to pick up some Berliner weisse in anticipation of this sure-to-happen scenario.) (Additional note to self: look up Berliner weisse on the internet to find out what it is exactly.)

“Of course,” I reply. “I can bring it over to you so you don’t have to wait, Fräulein.”

“That is so sweet of you. I’ll leave the door open for you ‘cause my fellow model Olga and I will be taking a long, hot bath. If you have not bathed yet, you are welcome to join us so as to practice good hygiene.”

Like I said, this is awesome in itself and I couldn’t imagine how this set-up could be better. But it turns out that I’m wrong. It does get better.

After signing the lease and receiving my cashier’s check the other day, I also got an additional message from my new tenants. It went something like this:

We really feel bad asking you for anything else so feel free to say no. But many of the models who’ll be staying at your place don’t really know many people in L.A. and they might get lonely or bored. If it’s not too much trouble, would you occasionally be opening to maybe taking them out to dinner or drinks or to a movie? It’ll also be good for them to have someone to practice English with. Of course, we have an expense account and would cover all costs if you’re OK with this.

Wait, wait, wait…you want to also pay me to get drunk with your hot European models? Let me give that some thought and…that would be a yes!

Sometimes life is just really good…