Been enjoying running alone lately, maybe it’s a part of getting older, or maybe I’m turning into a hermit. Funny thing, before I discovered running I couldn’t stand to be by myself, I always had to have someone around me. Running has changed me, mostly it’s calmed me down. It’s made me less anxious, less angry, less bitter. Solitude seems, well, just easier. It’s quieter. The sounds of my footsteps and natures musical score beats any ipod running mix or people chit chat. Running alone comes with less baggage. No one to judge or be judged by. No one to follow or be followed by. The only one that’s going to beat me is me. I’m accountable to myself from start to finish. Conversations with myself are quick and efficient. No concerns about feelings being hurt or taking things the wrong way. Even the most difficult questions answer themselves after two hours of running. If not, then the question isn’t really worth asking.
The Flava topic Rejection loomed in my head this morning. Now, Mr. Rejection is someone I know quit well. I can’t seem to shake him. I’ve always been extremely sensitive to him. Always thought he was mean and unfair. He’s taken me to the darkest of places in my life. Places I wish never to visit again. Yet, I have to give him acknowledgement for making me who I am. Without him I wouldn’t of have the motivation to keep fighting the good fight. At times it was raw and ego driven, you know… “I’ll show those motha@#^*$3s!”. But most of the time he made me work harder and dream bigger.
Through Mr. Rejection I’ve come to understand ‘sincerity’. Huh?…I think back to Better Luck Tomorrow days. We went around literaly begging people we knew or heard of that were in the business to come to a screening. Everyone on my list ignored me or said they couldn’t come because it might rain. Rain? I didn’t ask them to walk to the screening. Anyway, thinking back, I didn’t ask them to come to help us, the movie was done and already submitted to Sundance. I just wanted to share something we all put our hearts into. At the time I didn’t know Hollywood was an actual ‘business’. I figured we were the kids that never grew out of playing pretend. Pretty naive when I think back. Embarrassing, but I thought Sundance was a hippy music festival.
At the end of the day, all those who showed up at the playground to play and dream together had an amazing experience. In hind sight, it’s a shame the others couldn’t share the experience. Harsh, but, it was their loss. Maybe these precious experiences are reserved for the special few, the ‘sincere’ few. That sincerity can’t be manufactured or duplicated. I’ve tried and failed miserably. Maybe it’s why we call them ‘special’ or the ‘best’ of times. Funny, how Mr. Rejection works.
Have a delicious weekend. Adios