Been enjoying running alone lately, maybe it’s a part of getting older, or maybe I’m turning into a hermit. Funny thing, before I discovered running I couldn’t stand to be by myself, I always had to have someone around me. Running has changed me, mostly it’s calmed me down. It’s made me less anxious, less angry, less bitter. Solitude seems, well, just easier. It’s quieter. The sounds of my footsteps and natures musical score beats any ipod running mix or people chit chat. Running alone comes with less baggage. No one to judge or be judged by. No one to follow or be followed by. The only one that’s going to beat me is me. I’m accountable to myself from start to finish. Conversations with myself are quick and efficient. No concerns about feelings being hurt or taking things the wrong way. Even the most difficult questions answer themselves after two hours of running. If not, then the question isn’t really worth asking.
The Flava topic Rejection loomed in my head this morning. Now, Mr. Rejection is someone I know quit well. I can’t seem to shake him. I’ve always been extremely sensitive to him. Always thought he was mean and unfair. He’s taken me to the darkest of places in my life. Places I wish never to visit again. Yet, I have to give him acknowledgement for making me who I am. Without him I wouldn’t of have the motivation to keep fighting the good fight. At times it was raw and ego driven, you know… “I’ll show those motha@#^*$3s!”. But most of the time he made me work harder and dream bigger.
Through Mr. Rejection I’ve come to understand ‘sincerity’. Huh?…I think back to Better Luck Tomorrow days. We went around literaly begging people we knew or heard of that were in the business to come to a screening. Everyone on my list ignored me or said they couldn’t come because it might rain. Rain? I didn’t ask them to walk to the screening. Anyway, thinking back, I didn’t ask them to come to help us, the movie was done and already submitted to Sundance. I just wanted to share something we all put our hearts into. At the time I didn’t know Hollywood was an actual ‘business’. I figured we were the kids that never grew out of playing pretend. Pretty naive when I think back. Embarrassing, but I thought Sundance was a hippy music festival.
At the end of the day, all those who showed up at the playground to play and dream together had an amazing experience. In hind sight, it’s a shame the others couldn’t share the experience. Harsh, but, it was their loss. Maybe these precious experiences are reserved for the special few, the ‘sincere’ few. That sincerity can’t be manufactured or duplicated. I’ve tried and failed miserably. Maybe it’s why we call them ‘special’ or the ‘best’ of times. Funny, how Mr. Rejection works.
Have a delicious weekend. Adios
The best thing about BLT was that Justin assembled a bunch of people that were genuinely KIND.
What you mentioned about telling everyone you know to come to the BLT screening and being rejected is exactly what I went through (for a different reason) just last year. I hope that one day I can find your strength to go on with my passion.
the “sincere” few… yeah…
too bad that most of the time we can only know sincerity after it is proven… or disproven.
At least, through a lifetime of rejection, I know I’m okay regardless… regardless of who stays or steps up (very few)… regardless of who can be counted on (even less)… and regardless, even, of whether I feel ok.
What’s ultimately proven is that I am ok and I really don’t like the thought of that being decided by others. I decide.
Meditation also works very well and is probably kind of what you are doing while running by yourself.
I sent you a copy of my xray through myspace. wow… yep, that’s me… with Frankenstein’s ankle.
peace and bonne foi.
As a writer, I have been getting rejection letters since I was 15. I used to even save these rejection letters but dumped them all before leaving for college.
Rejection is a part of life. when I was young like in my teens, I was rejected by boys black, green, white, yellow, etc….. Now that I am in my 30′s I now myself reject men for, I am waiting for my true love. When I get rejected I get sad and then go into my shell but, now I just drive around with my music up loud and pray to my god who will bring me back to my senses about life and rejection.
You found a way to handle your rejection in a positive way and that is good, “running.” Running is also a good way to stay healthy. I only run when someone is after me or I run on my treadmill.
All I can say is “Run on Sung and believe in yourself for, if you don’t who will.”
all good… however, rejection by green men is probably preferable… unless one stocks up on barf-bags. I can’t think of any other reason for being green, except for space aliens and, really, don’t we have enough problems?
Just kidding. I should add, in here, that sometimes rejection is all in one’s mind and not the real scenario at all. Some people are sensitive enough that perception doesn’t take into account that others may be in their own mental space and really not thinking about the perceptor at all… therefore, it isn’t personal… not in the slightest. I’ve had to train myself that I don’t figure into other peoples’ general equation in the slightest… instead of always seeing slights or infractions.
There is a saying that “the world doesn’t revolve around you”… oh yes it does, for each of us… but only in our own minds. And I’m not saying that isn’t the way it’s suppose to be, because to a slight extent, shouldn’t it? If you don’t take care of you, who will? But we should also always try to bear in mind that everyone else is the same way.
How about purple men? Do you think they’d be more approachable?
Hmm, never tried to approach purple men Teresa, lol.
Sung, I plan to commence running again when it gets a little warmer in the winter wonderland I’m stuck in right now. In the meantime, tomorrow morning I will walk up a mountain nearby. When I get to the top I will think of what you shared on this post of yours and take some deep breaths. I will make sure to bring my camera and hope I can get some good shots of the glistening lake in the distance =)
Good thoughts, Sung. I am still looking for multiple happy endings in my career, and hoping that something good will come out of last year’s rejections. Perhaps I’m supposed to be swimming in a bigger pond. I’m hoping the right thing comes along, because as Roger reminded me, I need a new furnace, and those ain’t free. But anyway, I am left with your wonderful thought, “He [Mr. Rejection] made me work harder and dream bigger.”
Good lesson about “perseverance” too….and getting back on the horse after falling off, etc.
I liked this one. Beautiful, humbling and inspiring. A+
My life has been full of rejections. Socially, academically. But such is life, you know? Hang in there. If it means anything, we all love and support you!