Independence Day isn’t the only major national holiday this week. Today, July 7, is Tell the Truth Day. This means that you must go through the whole day without telling a single lie. That’s right—every word that comes out of your mouth must be 100% true. So in honor of this day, I thought I’d respond to some of the questions submitted by you—our readers—with complete and utter honesty. These are the questions that don’t fit into our normal mailbag format and would usually fall through the cracks so here we go…

1) Can you guys do a feature on Asian Elvis impersonators?
–Amanda

No. Unless the Asian Elvis impersonator decides to offer free sex to Chinese students as compensation for WWII Japanese war crimes, enters the masturbate-a-thon and hot dog eating contests, blows farm animals and invents a life-like Japanese robot for “scientific purposes” (i.e. you can dress it up in a lab coat and fuck it).

2) You’re always writing about Asian guys and their dicks, is it because you have a small dick? I bet it is. I bet you have a little, tiny Asian dick.
–You have a small Asian dick

Is your name really “You have a small Asian dick”? ‘Cause that is so awesome! You know what’d be even more awesome? If your last name was Mann.

3) Do you want more people to see your website? We can help. For a normal cost we promise you a google top 10 guaranty.
–Naomi

OK, this sounds good but, well, is it just me or does anyone else not trust a company who guarantees to get you into the google top 10 whose own website isn’t in the top 10? Isn’t that sort of like Forrest Gump promising to get you into Harvard?

4) I’ve only caught onto this site a short while ago (trying to not feel so isolated) and I gotta say I’m enjoying all your posts but that leads me to a problem in that it’s not updated frequently enough. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you all have lives other than this site so I’m not expecting constant updates but the infrequency of them is kind of a drag. Currently under the ‘Offenders’ list are 15 names yet on average there’s only 2-3 posts a day. Even if everyone rotated and posted once every 3 days, shouldn’t there be at least 5 a day?
–Only Asian In My Area

Even if you didn’t sign your email “Only Asian In My Area,” I would have known you were Asian ‘cause you’re good at math.

5) From your blogs I can tell you are another self-hating Asian man who lusts after white women and thinks Asian women are inferior. Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? You have this public forum where you can spread a positive message about loving Asian women but you waste that opportunity. You’re disgusting.
–J.K.

Whoa, hold on there, these accusations are completely unfounded. First of all, EVERYONE loves Asian women. Even the racist KKK guys who hate all non-white people on earth, love Asian women. Asian women are smoking hot! With that said, I want to make it clear that I love all women regardless of what or who they are. You won’t find no John Mayer white supremacist penis on me–I’m equal opportunity. Just ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I will fuck anything. If a UFO landed and a naked purple alien with four arms appeared, I would fuck that, no questions asked, risk getting Martian herpes, I don’t care. Again, I love everyone…well, except Canadians. But come on, I’m not alone in that. 

6) You’re a fucking idiot! Eat shit and die!
–Anonymous

You can’t fool me, this isn’t even a question. And you can’t die from eating shit. Trust me, I know. So who’s the fucking idiot now?

Happy Tell The Truth Day! Remember to be honest to everybody today!

(If you would like to submit a question to YOMYOMF: mailbag@yomyomf.com)