According to the results of a new Field Poll on California voters’ support for gay marriage published yesterday, Asian Americans are the group most opposed to same-sex unions in the state. Previous polls have shown similar results so this isn’t anything new, but the difference in this study is that it’s broken down further into specific subsets and the Asian ethnic group that is most opposed to same-sex marriage by far are…Korean Americans:

The new Field Poll reveals that Korean Americans disapprove of same-sex marriage by a margin of 70 to 25 percent. They were followed in their dislike of same-sex couples by Vietnamese Americans (64 percent disapproval) and Chinese Americans (54 percent disapprove.)

African Americans disapprove of gay marriage by a margin of 49 to 38 percent, the poll finds, while Latinos support same-sex marriage by a margin of 50 to 41. About 53 percent of whites support same-sex marriage, with 39 percent opposed.

So why are my fellow country people so opposed to this issue?

I’m sure it could have something to do with the fact that Christianity is probably more prevalent in the Korean community than in the other Asian groups. Not only that, but I can’t think of another country, with the possible exception of the United States, whose people have more readily embraced a conservative, tea party brand of Christianity than Koreans have and that certainly also translates to Koreans here in America.

And no matter what same-sex marriage opponents may say about how their agenda is about defending the sanctity of marriage and not about being anti-gay, let’s be honest—it is about being anti-gay. 

Why would someone have an issue with gays getting married if they didn’t have an issue with gays? And I don’t buy the “Bible says marriage is solely between a man and a woman” excuse because if you were seriously devoted to doing everything the Bible tells you to do, you’d be eating crickets, not wearing clothes with mixed wool/linen fibers, sacrificing oxen and killing magicians (yeah, look it up, it’s all there).

Bye-bye, Doug Henning!

But when it comes to Koreans and gays, it’s especially a shame because the two groups have so much in common. For example, I don’t know anyone who loves to party and get wasted more than Koreans and gays. So one group prefers to party in Koreatown and the other in West Hollywood. So one group prefers soju and Hite and the other frilly mixed drinks with umbrellas in them. So one group prefers going out in slutty outfits with enough make-up to prompt a circus clown to be like, “Damn, what’s all the shit on your face?!” and the other group…well, see, so much in common. 

And if you want to talk about drama, are there any two groups who are more dramatic than Koreans and gays? Have you checked out the programs on Logo TV? They’re like the English-language drag versions of Korean soap operas. Just substitute the “my lover is dying of cancer” subplot with “my lover is dying of AIDS” and you can’t tell the difference. And if you can find anyone who’s better at gossiping and talking shit behind people’s back than Koreans and gays, you let me know. And who can fight with more passion over the most trivial things than Koreans and gays? A simple disagreement about what to have for dinner could lead to a major blow-up ending in either domestic violence (if you’re Korean) or one person fucking the other person’s best friend to get back at them (if you’re gay).

Finally, when I think to myself…who are the most materialistic and superficial people I’ve ever met? Once again, I immediately think of Korean and gays. The only people I know who work at shitty minimum wage jobs, yet somehow manage to afford the latest designer clothes, get their seasonal plastic surgery, drive the sleekest new cars and go to all the hotspots looking absolutely fabulous are Koreans and gays. They don’t care if they’re millions of dollars in debt because they know it’s better to look good than to feel good.

So I ask my fellow Koreans to look at our gay brethren and see all the commonalities we share. We should be supporting them in their cause, not opposing them. OK, maybe you don’t approve of the idea of a man sticking his penis in another man’s mouth. But hey, need I remind you that we put shit like this in our mouths:

And that’s pretty damn nasty too.