That’s not to say I’m an expert on it or any other sort of cocky sentiment.  It means, quite plainly, that I am now taking classes for it.  That’s it.

And that’s not just because I’m self-effacing.  I literally fell on my face on the way to the first class, so I definitely have a long way to go.  I’m willing to put the time in to look like the guy above though.

While also a sport, Parkour is at its core a philosophy revolving around overcoming the obstacles around you, whether physical or mental.

And as much as the instructor stresses that it’s not about looking cool, it’s incredibly difficult to watch movies or look at pictures of its premiere practitioners and not think, “I want to look that awesome.”

You’ve got these seemingly superhuman folks running up and over giant gaps, giant drops – basically hopping right over death’s gaping maw – and lookin’ friggin’ cool and slick in the process.  They slink through the smallest gaps in railings and scale the tallest walls and perform other such activities that are prone to hyperbole.

Going off these deeds, I foolishly expected that the first class would be all sorts of fantastic-looking stuff – nope!

They served us up a platter of plyometrics, or jump training, and it was a long, long course.  Jumping jacks, push ups, lunges – none of it looked particularly dynamic, but by the time we were done, my breath was totally and utterly stolen from me.

Then at the moment when I finally got it back, we were thrust right into some actual parkour techniques, that week’s revolving around vaults.

I fancy myself a pretty fit guy but obviously not fit enough.  Panting hard, I sent myself over the vaulting horse as well as I could, but my landings were sloppy and my ankle kept hurting.

I needed no mirror to tell me I was looking far from baller.  I had deluded myself into thinking it would come naturally, but by the end of the class, my body was beaten and broken.

But I still wanted more.  And I’m taking my second class today.

Fuck yeah, bitches – I’m gonna become Spider-Man.