The Tiger is quiet. Tis been 5 days since the Thanksgiving mystery crash and still no peep from the golf champion’s lair.
Being the star of a multi billion dollar brand, he has the right to do whatever he wants. And though Tiger’s corporate sponsors are “standing by their man”, there is no doubt that these multinationals, who have banked & invested hundreds of millions into the Tiger Brand Image, are secretly crapping their pants if indeed Tiger could not keep his tiger in his pants. Sometimes, silence is not golden.
So just in case things at Camp Tiger take a serious turn for the worse, here are a few minor adjustments that will allow the Tiger Brand to survive and prosper…
Nike: Just Do It. Just don’t get caught.
Gatorade: It’s In You…Tiger, that is.
American Express: Your brain. Don’t Leave Home Without It.
Gillette: The Best A Man Can Get. until you find someone hotter than your wife.
Buick: Nothing Drives Quite Like A Buick…except for that stripper at Deja Vu
General Mills: Grow Up Strong, not stupid
Tag Heuer: Success. It’s a Mind Game. just make sure you sign a prenup
General Motors: Built To Last rong time
Titleist: The #1 Ball In Golf always finds it’s hole
please feel free to modify or add to. Tiger needs us…
AT&T: More bars in more places. And more ho’s in said bars.
nice
This would be a new endorsement, but how about:
Tiger Balm: Works Wherever It Hurts. Apply vigorously to your public image.
And why’d you change your Gatorade slogan? I liked the original version better.
love that Tiger Balm slogan, Claude
vigorous application to public image is in dire need right now.
if, indeed, Tiger is a secret ho hunter, it would be like Warren Buffet becoming the next Bernie Madoff. please let the rumors just be rumors…
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
Also, I heard Tiger was so embarrassed regarding this incident that he’s thinking about changing his name to Cheetah.
Roger-
Inventive and hilarious. And so, so sad because all of it is true. Great piece!
Collin
Cadillac: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Nordic golddigging hoes.
Now that the truth is out. Here are a couple of things Tiger should have done:
1. Use a pre-paid cell phone.
2. Use a false name on the voice mail, like Phil Mickelson.
3. Get a Nextel phone and churp.
If we can come up with 10, maybe Letterman will read them.