Here’s a cautionary tale for all you would be stalker/rapists out there: If the notion that stalking and raping women is wrong hasn’t registered in your twisted pea brains yet, then at least consider this…don’t try to stalk and rape a woman while she’s holding a sickle.

One fool learned that the hard way recently when he tried to attack a 35-year-old woman in the remote Indian village of Makkapurva. The woman was working in the fields; using the aforementioned sickle to cut grass when the man tried to sexually assault her. But the woman decided to defend herself. One guess what she used to fight back with?

If this guy’s sick fantasy was to give this woman head…well, mission accomplished, sir. Mission thoroughly accomplished.

But the story doesn’t end there. Not only did the woman cut off her attacker’s head, she later paraded it around the local market as frightened onlookers fled in horror.

Police said the woman will most likely be charged with culpable homicide, but acknowledge that she acted in self-defense. The attacker had allegedly been stalking her for three months and the woman simply had enough and was motivated to commit this act in a “bid to save her dignity.” By the way, I believe in the native Indian language, “save her dignity” directly translates to “cut the goddamn head off the asshole who’s fucking with me.”

Now, this story also clearly illustrates a point I’ve been trying to make for years…Asian women are fucking scary.

They may seem all demure and quiet and shit, but that’s just a stereotype. You try to fuck with them, they will fuck you up. You can even knock them out and throw them down a well and think you’re done with them, but the moment you go home and turn on your TV, they’ll just crawl out of that motherfucker and fuck you up right then and there.

In fact…wait, hold on a sec, I think my Asian girlfriend just walked in the door.

Hey honey, how are you?…What am I doing? Oh, just working on this blog…Oh no, I don’t think you want to read it, it’s stupid, it’s nothing…Come on, baby, you must have better things to do than read my lame musings and…Let me explain, when I wrote that Asian women are scary, I was joking, I meant that in a “ha ha” way, not a “don’t kill me after you read this” way…Why are you looking at me like that?…Oh God, no, don’t….please honey, no….just calm down. Just…please. Why don’t I run out and pick up some Zankou Chicken and…no, what are you doing?…for the love of God, please stop, honey…you’re hurting me. I’m sorry, I’m…NO! NOOOOO!!!