As of today, Duke University officials have suspended operations of the Eta Prime chapter of Kappa Sigma because the fraternity held what has come to be known as a “racist rager” this past weekend.
From the invites that were sent out with the welcoming address of “Herro Nice Duke Peopre” to the part-goers wearing Coolie hats, geisha outfits and sumo wrestler body suits (at least I hope that’s body suit), the fraternity has found itself in hot water for perpetuating Asian stereotypes.
Is what they did insensitive? Yes. Is what they did racist? Can I get a double yes! But should they be held accountable for their actions? To that I say—no. And here’s why…
It’s not that I think we should blindly be understanding and forgiving of our fellow man’s transgressions although forgiveness is a virtue that we all should practice more often. While it was wrong for these students to play off these ugly stereotypes of Asians, we should forgive them because white people are…well, you know…stupid.
Look, I’m not saying white folks are dumber than Asians, but come on! All you have to do is take a look at the Duke campus where 22% of the student population is Asian. 22-fucking-percent! Considering Asians make up only about 5.6% of the U.S. population, that’s hella impressive. If that doesn’t prove conclusively we’re smarter, I don’t know what does.
But it’s not just because white people are stupider than us that we should be understanding and forgiving of them when they do shit like this. It’s because they can’t help it. They can’t help their ignorance because as we all know, most white people are in-bred. Now, before you jump all over me, notice that I said “most white people”, not all of them. If I had said “all white people”, I’d be just as guilty of perpetuating stereotypes, but that’s not the case. I know there’s a small percentage of white people (maybe 1 or 2%) who haven’t reproduced by fucking their sisters or first cousins so don’t have a cow.
And a university like Duke is most likely going to attract a larger share of in-bred white people because of what is known as the “legacy admission.” That means if your father or your grandfather (or as in many cases, your father and grandfather may be one and the same person) attended Duke, as their incestuous offspring, you too will be guaranteed admission to Duke (as will your child or sibling—again they could be one and the same). And we know in-breeding makes people even dumber so, hence, the students at Duke will be even dumber than the norm. Hell, they probably don’t even know what the internet is and that if you do completely idiotic things like throw a racist rager, everyone in the fucking world will know about it almost immediately because it will be posted all over the world wide web. Or maybe this party was born of good intentions and it was their pathetic and misguided (but good-hearted) attempt to acknowledge Duke opening its Duke Kunshun University in China. Their way of saying, “hey, Chinese people, we’re just like you.”
So let’s not turn a cold shoulder to Duke’s Kappa Sigma, but instead forgive them. And maybe even embrace them. Especially any attractive, big-breasted chicks who were at the party dressed in a geisha costume ‘cause I gotta say there’s something hot about white chicks dressed up like sexy geishas…
But anyway…what was I saying? Yes, let’s forgive because that’s the right thing to do. Especially when you’re clearly the far superior one. Like Asians are.
In fact, let’s show our solidarity by throwing a white-themed party this weekend. I’ll bring the Barry Manilow CDs, a loaf of Wonder bread and the Homeland season 1 blu-ray set.