Do you have what it takes to be a member of the Booty Patrol?
I don’t. But I wish I did.
I wish I had the nerve to do something as unfiltered and un-PC as to paint the words Booty Patrol on my old beater.
Quick plea for help: can someone translate the non-English words on the side?
Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe those characters mean “air quotes,” and the whole thing is a feminist joke mocking those who would drive around in a booty mobile. I just don’t know.
Or maybe they’re just an “observe and report” organization: they spot a nice booty, and they report it to the proper authorities.
But my instincts say these people are dead serious about their privileges, duties and rights as members of the Booty Patrol.
Just think: they drive around town in a crap car with the words Booty Patrol on it. A Humvee with a plastic penis on the front would have nothing on them. Never mind the sneers and rolled eyeballs they surely encounter: those are just table stakes. What if they run into that 1 in a 1000 girl (I think that’s about accurate; maybe it’s 1 in 10,000) who actually respond – positively – to the douchebaggery of someone who writes booty patrol on their car? What kind of frothing walking id sex bomb would this have to be?
The performance anxiety alone would be paralyzing.
I don’t care what your talents in the sack are (or, more likely, nightclub bathroom), do you really think you can live up to the presumed prowess of a member of the Booty Patrol?
And of course I’m assuming the female booty, but perhaps I’m being overhasty…
And the Booty Patrol didn’t hold back: the two-tone; the rims; the slick curtains; the license plate side mirror: they went whole hog creating an irresistible booty magnet.
Again, the types of booty that would be attracted to this sort of magnet? Personally, I’d hide behind those teeny curtains in the back seat.
But God bless the Booty Patrol!